Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

3

His mom had called 8 times. Collin had called 3 times. Travis even called, and his sweet mom Julia. Christian knew he needed to call them back. At least his mom.

But calling them meant saying it out loud. He hadn't done that... he didn't even like to think about it. It just hurt too much. All of this hurt.

His sweet Ivy was an absolute angel, but looking at her caused an indescribable pain deep in his heart. She only had his lips... the rest was Sloane to a T. She was absolutely the most beautiful girl in the world. Just like her mama.

Her beautiful, caring, and kind mama. Who she only knew for a brief glimpse. It wasn't fair. Why was Sloane the one taken? She never did anything but make people smile. She lit up every room she walked into. Now, Christian's entire world was dark and dull.

Mom is calling

He knew he'd have to talk to her eventually. There was no use waiting.

"Hi mom," he said softly, begging himself to sound happy.

"Christian, my boy. Why haven't you answered your phone calls?" Alecia said excitedly, none the wiser to the crippling pain her son was experiencing.

"Mama..." Christian barely got that out... how the hell was he supposed to tell Sloane's parents?

"Christian? Is everything okay? Is baby girl okay?" Alecia could tell the crippling pain he was is. She could always tell when her baby boy was hurting.

"Ivy... her name is Ivy... She's perfect," he could avoid. He could dodge. He couldn't say it out loud yet. He physically could not.

"That's so good to hear, baby boy. How are you? Adjusting to dad-hood well?"

Christian couldn't do this. He wasn't strong enough. "She's perfect," was all he said. Deflect. Deflect. Deflect.

"I bet she is. Lemme talk to mama. How's my dear Sloane doing?" Alecia smiled, convinced that Christian was just overwhelmed with love.

Until she heard the broken sob on the other side of the phone. "Christian, my dear? Are you okay?" Alecia asked softly.

"No... Sloane. Sloane... my beautiful Sloane..." he let his tears fall, begging his breaths not to shake too much for Ivy's sake.

"Christian? Is Sloane okay?" Alecia asked, fearing the answer.

"Sloane is gone... she hemorrhaged... she... I... she's gone, mama," he sobbed, eyes clamped shut.

Alecia felt her heart sink and she grabbed a suitcase and threw a few things in quickly. "I'm on my way, sweetie. I'm leaving right now. You cannot be alone. I know it hurts. You need to call a friend. You need support."

"I can't... I can't say it," he whispered, breaths growing quickly as he started to panic. "Please... mama I can't do it alone. I'm not enough."

"I'm on my way, Christian. I'm coming. You need someone there for you until I get there. I'll tell Travis, okay? Just let him in. You are going to be okay," Alecia soothed, wishing she could be holding her baby.

***

Alecia called Travis and told him the situation, already on her way to the airport.

Travis gently knocked on apartment number 610, hearing the sweet cries of a newborn through the door. "Christian? Let me in?"

The door opened and Travis was met with the most disheveled version of Christian he'd ever seen - and he had once interrupted Christian during sex.

"Come in. Sit. Not on the couch," he whispered, eyes wide as he stared at the blood stain on the couch. He picked up Ivy and rocked her gently before preparing a bottle and feeding her, already picking up on the different cries his baby girl made. He had no choice.

"She's beautiful, Christian," Travis said softly, running a gentle hand over Ivy's silky dark hair. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? No matter what you need," he promised and looked intently into Christian's eyes.

Christian took a deep breath and burped Ivy and laid her down before wrapping Travis in a hug and just breaking down into his best friend's shoulder. Everything hurt. His throat was being constricted. His heart beat like it had a hole in it - because it did. A Sloane-shaped hole.

***

Alecia couldn't fly out until the morning, so Christian's first night at home with his baby was spent with Travis, who was a saint.

Travis got up each time Christian did and was just there so that Christian wasn't alone with his thoughts. Christian knew he needed to know how to do it all and he had to be okay with a normal night. He happily fed Ivy, rocking her and kissing her forehead.

His princess was absolutely perfect. He loved every second he got with her.

But he couldn't help but see her mom in her every second he studied her face. "You're the most beautiful baby girl. Daddy will protect you with everything he has. His dying breath will be protecting you," he whispered and rubbed her back, tears freely falling down his cheeks.

He was in so much pain, but this baby would help him heal. He knew it.