Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

71

Christian could smell food as he got to the Arizona apartment, but he was concerned rather than excited. Why was Ellie up so late? He quietly entered the apartment... and went completely unnoticed.

"Debbie?" he questioned softly, seeing her first in the kitchen.

"Christian? Oh Christian, look at you," she frowned, seeing how pale and thin he was.

"I'm fine... How is Elizabeth? Arlo? The kids?" he asked, his heart pounding against his chest as tears were welling in his eyes.

Debbie sat him in a chair, a solemn look on her face. "The kids are doing so well, Christian. Arlo is over 4 pounds now and they've taken him off of CPAP so he's just on a nasal cannula. Ivy and Reilly love that it's still so warm outside," Debbie said softly, figuring he'd need the good first. That man has been through so much. He needed good.

"And Ellie?" he whispered, rubbing his thumb over his wrists. "Is Ellie okay? I... I didn't want any of it. I had never seen that woman before, Debbie. Really. I... I..." he was starting to panic. He couldn't lose Ellie. He couldn't... he needed his wife.

"Talk to her, Christian. I know you wouldn't... but you have to talk to her. Or at least try," Elizabeth's mom was just as perfect as Elizabeth - gentle, kind, and loving.

Christian couldn't believe he ruined Elizabeth.

"Okay. I... I'll try," he nodded vigorously, getting up and going to the living room, gently crouching on the floor in front of Elizabeth.

"Ellie, sweetie?" he whispered, shakily running a hand through her hair. He was exhausted. He hadn't really done anything in the 10 days he was in the hospital, so he didn't get why he was so tired now that he was out.

His heart broke looking at Ellie. She looked so tired and in so much pain. She didn't even flinch when he touched her. Her eyes glazed over like she didn't even hear him.

"Sweet Ellie," he tried again, significantly louder. "Elizabeth!" he said far more loudly, finally seeing a small spark of light in her eyes.

"Why are you here?" she asked quietly, pulling his hand out of her hair.

"I needed to see you. Our babies... I'm on the 10 day... I... needed to be here," he whispered, so hurt that she didn't want him touching her... he needed it, but he understood.

"I don't want to see you," she whispered, not looking at him. She wanted to call him a whore. To call him out. Tell him he couldn't see Arlo until he proved he didn't have any STIs. But she also knew he was suffering enough. They probably had to pump his stomach, and that was painful and he was probably feeling it. And he... her husband attempted suicide. And, even though his actions hurt her, she didn't want to fight with him when he was hurting so much.

"Elizabeth, please," he begged. "Let me explain," he whispered, and Ellie could see that his eyes were full of pain.

"No," she whispered, looking to her mom for help. "Mom, please make him leave," she said quietly.

Christian felt his heart drop and the tears that had welled up right away were now falling freely. His Ellie didn't want him...

"Elizabeth Anne. I raised you to be understanding, compassionate, and loving. I know you're hurting, sweetheart, but so is he. Arlo is his baby, too. So let him explain, because Arlo needs his daddy."

Elizabeth pouted and sat up, making room for Christian on the couch. "You get this commercial break to explain your galavanting."

And Christian did, tears falling down his cheeks as he stared at his hands the whole time.

"I didn't want any of it... I just... I love you, Elizabeth. I'm sorry that this all happened. I'm so so sorry... for all of it," he whispered, stiffening as he felt Elizabeth's hand on his back.

"I... I believe you," she whispered. "Get some sleep. We leave to see Arlo at 7:30, since it takes 22 minutes to get there and I want to be there by his side the second visiting hours start," it was all she said before standing up and going into her room.

But Christian happily took it. He was going to see his son, and his wife believed that he wouldn't cheat on her.

***

Neither Christian nor Ellie got much sleep the previous night, but it didn't matter. They got to see their beautiful son.

First, though, their older kids.

"DADDY!!!" Reilly screamed and ran over, jumping in his arms and hugging Christian tight.

"Oh, daddy's Ry guy," he whispered and held his eldest son as closely as possible. "I love you. I missed you," he smiled weakly and kissed his temple. "Have you been good for mommy?"

"Yeah! Mommy sad..." he whispered, not even thinking about letting go.

"Mommy misses daddy and baby Arlo is sick, Ry," Ivy said softly, wrapping her arms around Christian's legs. "I missed you, daddy," the three and a half year old said in her small voice, a tiny tear on her cheek.

"I missed you so so much, princess," he whispered. He crouched down to her level and shifted so that he could have an arm around both of his oldest babies. "I love you both so much."

"We should get going," Elizabeth said softly, not really wanting to interrupt the reunion.

"Let's go see our baby, yeah?" Christian smiled and took Ivy's hand, Reilly refusing to be put down.

***

He really had gotten so big. His Arlo was so much more filled out than when he left, and this time it made Christian so happy. His son was growing and doing so well.

"Can I hold him?" Christian requested softly, already gently holding his hand.

"You don't have to ask," Elizabeth whispered, taking Reilly from Christian. "I'm going to grab a coffee, need anything?"

"Just him. I love you, Elizabeth," he said softly, trying not to get discouraged when she just left him alone instead of responding.

"Oh, Arlo," Christian whispered, letting Arlo nuzzle against his bare chest. "Daddy's here. I love you," he smiled softly, closing his eyes and just revelling in the closeness he felt with his son. "My beautiful boy."

He was so focused on Arlo that he didn't even notice Ellie come back.

The second Ellie saw her husband and her son so content with each other, something gave within her.

They needed each other.

***

"Does it always hurt this much to leave him?" Christian whispered, holding a sleeping Reilly to his chest after they got home from the hospital.

"Yeah, it does. I... I can't wait until he can go home," Elizabeth said quietly, laying Ivy in her bed. "How are you feeling?"

Christian was a bit taken aback - it was the first semblance of a conversation Ellie had started since he had come back.

"Tired. Which I hate, because I spent so long sleeping in... when I..." how does he even approach that? When he was in the hospital because he failed? Failed as a husband and father? Failed at taking himself out of the equation?

"You need to rest. You should take the bedroom tonight," Elizabeth said softly.

"Can... can you sleep with me? In bed... nothing else. Just your company?" Christian asked, laying Reilly in the crib.

"I... sure," she whispered.

And they did. They slept. Together. And they both got the best sleep they'd gotten since Arlo was born.