Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

59

Christian looked at where Elizabeth was curled into his chest and he felt his pulse slow a bit. The nightmares were back, and he knew he couldn't tell her. He knew it would just make her feel bad and he really didn't want that. He wasn't really angry. He was so unbelievably hurt.

He gently kissed her cheek and looked over at Reilly who was staring at Christian with his bright green eyes.

"Hi, buddy," he smiled softly and picked him up, deciding that he would put his extra hours to use. He had an afternoon game, so him being up at 4:45 wasn't the end of the world.

"Let's make mama and big sister some breakfast, hmm?" He smiled, kissing the boy and rocking him back to sleep.

Reilly dozed off against him, letting out little baby snores. Christian loved his beautiful boy, and he was still so broken that he missed so much of his young life.

***

Elizabeth woke up around 6:30, like normal, and was immediately introduced to the wonderful scent of waffles, eggs, and sausage. Christian.

"Hi," Elizabeth said softly, gently wrapping her arms around him.

"Hi, beautiful. How'd you sleep?" Christian said quietly, his body uncomfortably stiff.

"I slept well... how long have you been up, Christian?" she frowned, checking over his stitches and frowning at the scarring.

"Not long," he whispered and snatched away his wrists, not looking at her. He didn't want to be reminded of his failure... of his weakness.

"Christian..." she whispered, seeing Reilly starting to whine. It was time for his morning feeding, and Elizabeth was torn. She knew that Christian was attached, but she liked the closeness of breastfeeding him in the morning and usually he was still asleep at this time.

"He's hungry," he said softly and handed the boy over, making a plate for Elizabeth and setting up Ivy's high chair.

He loved Elizabeth so much... he knew his thoughts would hurt her. So he'd just keep them to himself.

***

Elizabeth fed Reilly, running her index finger over the boy's silky hair. "Mama's gonna get daddy back, lil man. I promise. He loves you so much."

God she hoped she got him back.

As she got Reilly ready for his day, she felt two little arms around her leg.

"Mama?" It was the sweet voice of her daughter, tanned from her days under the Arizona sun.

"Hi baby girl. Are you ready to watch daddy play baseball?" Elizabeth smiled, gently running a hand through Ivy's thick hair.

"Yeah!! I pway wif Wiam!!" She giggled. "Pick up?"

Elizabeth smiled and picked Ivy up, holding her on her hip and letting her wave at her baby brother.

"Bubba so big now!! Missded bubba," she sighed, head on her mama's shoulder. "Daddy make beakfass."

"I saw that daddy made breakfast. Should we go eat it, beautiful?" she asked softly. It hurt that her actions hurt Ivy, too. Rather, her inaction.

"Yeah!" She grinned, just so happy to be home with her mama again.

Elizabeth smiled softly and put Reilly on her other hip, carrying both of her babies to the kitchen and settling them in their chairs. Reilly giggled and looked up at Christian.

"Daaaa!!" He squealed. It was barely recognizable, but it was definitely aimed at Christian, who whipped around with eyes full of tears.

"Oh buddy," he whispered and kissed Reilly's chubby cheek. "I'm your dada. I'm so proud to be your dada."

Elizabeth smiled softly and wrapped her arms around him. "He loves you so much, Christian. We all love you so so much," she whispered and gently kissed his jaw.

"I love you, too," he whispered and wrapped his arms around her, giving her a gentle yet loving kiss. He was still hurt, and he didn't know when it would stop hurting. But he knew that it wouldn't if he didn't start to forgive. Slowly, at least.

"I know I hurt you, baby. I know. And I will regret it until the day I die," Elizabeth said quietly against his lips. "Just give me a chance to earn your trust again."

"Okay. I... I have to get my stitches removed after the game today. When I get there, can you come down and sit with Ives and Ry? And can we go home right after?" he asked, not looking at her. He couldn't look her in the eyes as she rejected him again.

"Of course, Chris. Do you want to take them to the stadium? I know they have a daycare there, and I think it'd be good for you to have them both there right away," Elizabeth suggested, sitting in her seat and starting to eat.

"Yeah, is that okay with you?" Christian asked softly, starting to feed Ivy.

"Of course," Elizabeth smiled and relaxed when Christian smiled back.

Slowly but surely.

***

Christian did okay at the plate. Had a 2-run double, but also struck out with a runner on third. He was disappointed, but didn't really have time to think of it when Travis laid his hand on his shoulder.

"Good game, man. Are you heading to get those stitches out?" he whispered, seeing the dark thread poking from underneath his hoodie.

"Yeah. Ellie is gonna meet us there. Thanks for helping me, bro," he smiled a bit, a sleepy Reilly on his chest.

"Of course, Yeli. Please tell me if you ever feel like that again. Especially if we're on the road," he said earnestly, still shaken from seeing his friend nearly die.

"Yeah, I will. I'm sorry for putting you through that... I... I know how much it hurts," Christian swallowed, holding Ivy's hand. "We gotta get going," he said quietly, giving Travis a parting hug before heading to his car.

"Let's go see mama," he said quietly, texting Ellie that they were on their way.

***

Ellie put the babies to bed when they got home, still a little shaken from seeing how deep the cuts on Christian's wrists were. God it terrified her.

"Elizabeth," he whispered, gently wrapping his arms around his fiance.

"I almost lost you," she sniffed, tears falling down her cheeks. "I don't want to know a life without you in it."

"You won't. I'm here," he promised, wiping her eyes and taking her to their room. "Can I show you?" he whispered.

"I love you," was all she responded with, kissing him desperately.

Christian slowed down the pace, gently laying her on the bed and kissing her softly. He removed her scrub top and bra, worshipping every inch of exposed skin before removing her pants and panties, doing the same to that more sensitive skin.

"Christian..." she gasped, eyes rolling back as he kissed perilously close to her core.

"Let me love you," he whispered gently inserting one finger and kissing her clit.

"Please," she begged, meeting his thrusts and yearning for more. Her pleas became breathy as he worked her close to the edge then pulled away, slowing thrusting into her.

"You're my everything. I love you so much," he whispered and kissed her deeply as he made love with her, their tears mingling. The emotion in the room was palpable - lovers finding each other again after an absence that seemed far too long.

They felt like them again.