Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

30

Elizabeth woke up in her office chair, startled awake by the sound of sirens outside her window. She hadn't left the hospital in over a week. She had nothing to go home to, and she didn't want to see the fragments of her broken relationship scattered all over her apartment. His protein powder. His body wash. His scent on her sheets. Ivy's pack and play. Ivy's toys. The extra baby girl outfits she kept in her drawers.

She lost the man she loved and her daughter in one fell swoop, and she couldn't face that. She had work. She was a doctor, and she had so much work. Peer reviews. An upcoming conference presentation. Exam after exam. Birth after birth. She could bury herself in all of it, and she'd stop missing him. She'd stop loving him. She had to. He didn't want her. She disgusted him. He hated her. The opposite of love.

He was right. She was responsible for breaking his relationship with Alecia, and she deserved to pay the price.

She heard pounding on her office door. She tried to ignore it, but it just grew louder. Who was bothering her at 6:30 am? The offices didn't open for another hour.

"Open up, Liz. I know you're in there." It was her fellow resident, Kaitlin. Of course it was.

The pounding was giving her a headache, so she opened the door. "I'm fine," she said softly.

"No, you're not." Kaitlin pushed past her and entered her office. She handed Elizabeth a steaming cup of coffee. "I'm taking you home," she declared. "I'll help you cleanse your place of him."

"I can't go back there."

"Then stay with me and get some real sleep. You're not even supposed to be in the office today. Please, Liz? I'm worried." Kaitlin hadn't seen light in her friend's eyes all week. She was empty. Her appointments were robotic. She was a shell of herself. "He doesn't deserve you."

"You're mistaken. I don't deserve him," she said softly. "Please go. I have work to do."

"I'm not leaving until you agree to leave with me."

"Kaitlin, please," she begged, tears hitting her eyes. "This is the only place I can handle being right now."

"Will you at least come to the cafeteria with me and eat something?"

"Will you leave me be after?"

"Yes."

She went with her friend, but the food didn't stay down, and the tears never stopped.

***

Christian stared at his phone. He hadn't left his bed in days. Travis took Ivy from him, relieving him from the pain of being a father to a dead woman's baby.

But now it wasn't even Sloane he saw when he looked at Ivy's face. It was Elizabeth. And he was starting to realize it was the pain of not having Elizabeth that he wanted to be relieved from.

Elizabeth. His sweet Elizabeth who never put a toe out of line. Who never hurt him. Who gave everything to him. Her time. Her kisses. Her comfort. Her love. She never asked anything from him, and he asked everything of her. And he repaid her with pain. An abortion and destruction and pain. What did he ever give her that wasn't heartbreaking?

Fuck. Goddamn fuck. He couldn't lose her, but she would never take him back. How could she? After all those terrible things he said . . .

He had unblocked her number a few days ago, but every time he tried to call or text, he couldn't do it. Everything he had to say sounded pathetic. Not good enough to win her back.

He was a fucking loser. A stupid athlete who lost everything he touched. He never deserved her. He knew that.

I̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶ ̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶s̶o̶r̶r̶y̶.̶