Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

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opesorry and I started a new Yeli story under her account. It's titled Ship to Wreck, and it is my favorite yet. Please check it out. 😊

It features bonus Gio Gonzalez... because wow.

***

Christian immediately knew that he ruined everything. He also knew he needed to give Elizabeth space, although he wanted to run right after her to catch her. Hold her. Kiss her. Tell her how sorry he was. Over and over again until she believed it. He wanted to fix things. He was so good at breaking them, but he wasn't quite as good at putting the pieces back together.

He watched her heart break, and he just kept pushing it. The comparisons to Sloane weren't fair . . . And they weren't true. Christian had no idea if Sloane was a good mom or not. He never got a chance to see her in action; he just assumed she would be. But he saw Ellie exceed his expectations every day. She helped raise his baby from another woman, and he threw that back in her face. He crushed her.

And Sloane didn't give Christian more in the bedroom. That was a flat out lie. And it shouldn't have left his lips. Elizabeth gave him everything. She taught him things. She blew his mind almost every damn day.

She'd never forgive him. She shouldn't forgive him. He was fucking garbage.

But he had to try. Around 5:00 am, he knocked on her apartment door, Ivy sleepy in his arms.

No answer.

He unlocked the door. He knew it was wrong, but he had to see her.

She wasn't home. She had left . . . Probably to go work herself to death. Christian was driving the woman he loved, the woman who was carrying his baby so proudly, to harm. It was his fault she was overworked. He had stressed her out to the point her job was her only escape from his horrible behavior. He was shit. He didn't deserve her.

She had already given him a second chance. He blew it.

He didn't care that it was 5:00 am. He got Ivy ready and sped to Ellie's office on Milwaukee's South Side. It took him 30 minutes total. 30 minutes too long. Every minute increased his anxiety that she was gone. He was certain she was no longer his. He'd never hold her again. She'd keep the baby from him . . . If she even survived childbirth. If their son survived. Fuck.

He didn't know exactly how to get to her office, and he wasn't sure if the facility was even open. He texted her. It's all he could do.

I'm outside of your office – parked outside of urgent care. Can you come down, please? I love you. Please.

He waited. He expected nothing. He deserved nothing. But she was more than he deserved. She was perfect.

I'll be down in five minutes.

And she was down in only three. Because she put one hundred percent into him, and he only gave her a tiny fraction of that. And he hated himself for it.

"Hi," she said softly, immediately taking Ivy out of his arms as they stood outside his car. She held the toddler close to her, kissing the top of her head.

It was nearly dawn, and the summer air was heavy and warm. Everything was quiet, except for Christian's racing heart.

"Hi," he responded, bringing a hand to her cheek. She didn't brush it away, and his hand started to shake ever so slightly. "I don't know what to say to fix this. I know some of the things I said were reprehensible, and I know you could do so much better than me."

She looked away from. "Do you want me to be her?" she asked quietly. "I don't think I can be who you want me to be," she continued.

"No, absolutely not. I don't want you to be anyone but you. I love that you're a doctor. I love that you're so passionate about your job while still devoting yourself completely to me, Ivy, and this sweet little boy." One hand remained against her cheek, but the other brushed across her stomach. "I love you, and I'm sorry. So very sorry." He wanted to kiss her – with so much passion and love – but he knew he couldn't. She looked . . . scared. He had scared her. He hated himself for it.

"What changed this past week?" she asked, her tone soft and gentle. Why wasn't she enraged? She should scream at him. Stomp her feet. Why was she so perfect?

Christian took a deep breath. He needed to answer her honestly. "Sloane's mother called me and threatened to try to get custody of Ivy."

Elizabeth looked at him incredulously. "You know that's nearly impossible, right?"

"She made me feel guilty . . . About being with you. About moving on. And sometimes I do feel guilty. I hate it, but I do. I fell for you so fast, Elizabeth. I fell in love with you faster than I've ever fallen for anyone. Do you understand that? Even Sloane . . . I moved slowly with her. I played around at first . . . Unsure if I wanted the commitment. With you? I knew. I knew I couldn't possibly want anyone else. No games, no chase. Just love." He ran a hand through his hair and looked at the ground, afraid to look her in the eyes. He was so afraid of the hurt he'd see. Hurt he put there . . . on that sweet face.

"Christian, you're not doing anything wrong with regard to Ivy. You're not going to lose us. Any of us. Okay?" She wanted to hug him, but a wiggling Ivy made that difficult. "I'm here."

"Can you take the day off?" Christian asked. He knew it was a big ask, but he needed her. He needed to be around her. He needed to love her. He needed to make his apology real.

"I'm not actually scheduled," she whispered. "I just needed . . ."

"Some time to think," Christian finished.

"Yeah. Some time to think," she responded. Her eyes were a brighter green now. Some of the sadness had lifted, and Christian felt relief.

"Come home to me?" he asked, feeling brave and kissing her lips.

"I'll meet you at home in a little bit. I promise. I just have to finish up a couple of paragraphs of writing."

Christian nodded, knowing very well that he needed to let her have this.

And she kept her promise. She always kept promises. And he didn't deserve it.

***

Christian returned from a seven-day road trip and was met with so much love when he got home. A home-cooked meal. An ecstatic Ivy. A loving, sweet Elizabeth who was glowing, her stomach slightly bigger than it was a week ago. And he loved it. He was already thinking about how he could get her to bed a little early . . .

"Christian, three tacos or four?" she asked him, preparing him a plate and distracting him from his dirty thoughts.

He had two great series, and she was so proud of him, and he seemed happy. Genuinely happy, the stress from Sloane's parents no longer apparent on his face.

"Four, obviously," he laughed as they all got seated for dinner, Ivy already enjoying her meal, which included throwing some avocado straight onto the floor. They couldn't help but laugh.

"My mom called me this morning," Elizabeth started, unsure how to broach the next topic. It had been on her mind for a while, but she couldn't find the courage to submit it for consideration.

"Yeah?" Christian asked. "How is Debbie?" Christian smiled. He loved her family. She knew that. They were warm, welcoming, and unassuming – much like Elizabeth. He needed that in his life.

"Um, well, she was wondering if we were planning on eloping before the baby," Elizabeth said softly, mindlessly moving rice around her plate.

Christian looked at her with wide eyes, and Elizabeth could see the anger in them. There was sadness as well, but it was the anger she recognized best. It was the same anger she saw when she told him about her first pregnancy. It was raw, and it scared her. "Elizabeth, marriage is a forever commitment for me. I'm married to Sloane forever. I'm sorry, but I can't marry you."