Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

47

Christian took a deep breath, looking over at Elizabeth with desperation. "Why can't you come in? I need you," he begged.

"Oh, Christian," she whispered and gave him another tight hug, her belly as close to his as it got. "You're so strong and you've been through so much... you just need to be able to talk to someone who can help. I'm gonna get breakfast with Ivy and we'll come pick you up and pick out baby boy's nursery." She knew he'd be getting a prescription for at least antidepressants, so she built a Target run in so he wouldn't feel like a burden.

"I'm not as strong as you... I need you, Ellie," he begged, clutching her tighter to his chest as his breaths quickened and he began to panic.

"Feel him move. Feel me breathe. We're okay. I'm okay and Reilly is, too. He's growing and moving around like crazy. We're okay," she promised and rubbed his back. She hated seeing him so scared and defeated. She knew what the therapist was going to say, but she also knew that having someone else tell him that he isn't broken was important. He was the sweetest man in existence and he was hurting so badly.

"You're okay? And you'll be okay?" Christian whispered, pulling back to look into her eyes.

"I promise. You need to head in, sweetheart. I will be here the second you are done."

Christian took a deep breath and nodded, heading into the therapist's office, hands trembling.

***

"Christian, it sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed by the changes you've experienced in the last two years. Welcoming a child, which is a wonderful occasion for most, then immediately losing your wife. Then, just as you're starting to cope and understand how to maneuver through life, you lose your mom as well. Am I hearing you right?" His therapist had such a soothing voice, it made Christian feel safe. He felt genuinely heard and understood, which helped him in that moment.

"Yeah... That sounds right. I... So much has happened to the women I love. I want to make sure Ellie is safe from harm, and I feel like I only bring trouble," he said quietly, staring at his hands.

"Christian? Did you directly play any part in your mother or wife's death?" she asked gently.

"No!" he gasped, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I didn't think so. They were incredibly painful losses that you've been through, but they weren't your fault. Are you excited about the new baby? How far along is Ellie?" she smiled softly, handing him the tissue.

"I'm so excited. She's 33 weeks... it's coming up so soon. I'm so excited to meet my son... but I'm so scared...  I lost Sloane the same way, and I felt so hopeless."

"It sounds like to me that you're focusing on the fear, and not the positives to come out of having a baby. I understand that this is experience is opening up wounds that never really healed, but you also have to acknowledge that this is your opportunity to help heal the wounds. You will get to hold your son in less than two months. You get to raise a little boy with the woman you love. The love for Sloane and the pain surrounding her death will always be there, and that's okay. That's normal. You just need to think about the right now and enjoy it."

"My baby boy..." Christian felt a small smile come to his face when thinking about Reilly... god he couldn't wait to see him.

"Think about that joy. Think about seeing him for the first time, hearing his first cries. I'm going to prescribe you something to help with the negative thoughts and to help you sleep. You aren't damaged, okay? I understand that this is frightening, and that you probably feel broken and damaged, but you aren't. You experienced something traumatic, and you never had a chance to recover. This will help, and you need to sleep. The nightmares are so vivid that they're causing you to physically harm yourself. No one wants that. We want you to be happy and healthy, and I want to help get you there. Does that sound good?" she said softly, standing up to shake his hand and give him the prescription.

"Yes... Thank you," he smiled a bit. It really did help. He felt lighter.

***

Ellie was there when he left the room. "You okay?" she said softly, searching his eyes.

"I think so. Let's go pick some things out for out lil man. I can't wait to meet him," Christian smiled softly and laid his hand on her belly. Less than two months. He's gonna be here soon.

"I can't either," Elizabeth grinned and got in the car, squeezing Christian's hand as he drove. She could see that he was emotionally spent, but she was beaming with pride. "He's gonna look just like you... I already know," she said softly as they searched the baby section at Target.

"I hope he gets your eyes," Christian grinned and kissed her. The positives. "I love your eyes... I love you."

"I love you, too," Elizabeth smiled, leaning into his touch as they shopped.

She was amazed at how wonderfully Christian was responding to therapy.

***

Elizabeth was smiling at her bump as she lotioned it after her shower. She could hear Christian softly singing Ivy to sleep, and her heart soared. Christian had been to three therapy sessions in the last two weeks and she could already see an improvement. There was more focus on them and now.

And she felt more loved than ever. She felt like she was finally Christian's, 100%.

"Hello, beautiful," Christian grinned, replacing her own hands with his. "You are so beyond sexy. God I love every inch of you."

Elizabeth blushed, running her hand through Christian's hair. "I love you. So much," she didn't address how she felt like a frump. She was swollen, puffy, and looked like a beluga whale.

"I love you, too. And I love everything that comes along with you carrying our beautiful son," he whispered and kissed her deeply. "Let me show you?"

"Always..." Elizabeth was hesitant but excited, so unbelievably horny in her third trimester. So when Christian immediately latched onto her sensitive nipples, she had to hold in a scream of ecstasy.  "Oh god, Christian..." she gasped, completely giving herself to him.

Christian revelled in her moans and the soft gasps of his name, showing every inch of her body so much love. "I'm yours," he whispered and gently sucked on and lapped at her core.

"I want you, please... Fill me," she moaned, crying out in ecstasy as he entered her, thrusting hard and deep. Missionary was the only position they could really do with how pregnant she was, so their range was limited. But she felt nothing but love.

"I'm so in love with you. Everything about you... my gorgeous Elizabeth. I'm yours forever," he kissed her softly as she came around him. It was only a few more thrusts until he was coming deep into her.

After he pulled out, he cleaned her up and held her close, closing his eyes. He was so content. Reilly was moving under his palm and Elizabeth was sleeping soundly... his family was okay.

And they stayed okay, and happy, in his dreams, too.