Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

69

Christian stayed as long as he could, hands shaking as the day came. He hadn't gotten to hold Arlo yet. Only Elizabeth had, and Christian understood that. He understood. He always understood.

But he didn't want to go back to Milwaukee without holding his beautiful son... He didn't want to leave his whole family. He... he wanted to be here.

"Ellie?" Christian said quietly, seeing Arlo look around the world from his spot on his mom's chest.

Ellie didn't respond. She never did anymore... and it was all Christian's fault.

"Can I hold him?" he asked desperately, his eyes full of pained tears. His heart shattered when Ellie shook her head vigorously. "Please," he begged, a tear falling down his cheek.

"Don't take him away from me," she begged, her eyes wild and full of fear.

"Never. I... I just want to be able to hold him before I d... Before I leave," he whispered. "Please, Ellie. Just for an hour..."

Elizabeth sighed softly and just shrugged, placing Arlo back in his incubator. "An hour," she mumbled and left the room.

Christian was hurt, tears falling down his cheeks as Arlo nestled on his chest. He wanted his wife to be upset that he'd be gone. He wanted her to be by his side while he held their baby... it was the only time he'd get to. And he knew he didn't deserve even the one time... he broke his son. He broke his wife. He broke his whole damn family...

He just wanted to hold his baby. Then he could take care of things. He wouldn't ruin any more lives.

"Daddy loves you, Arlo... Daddy loves you so, so much," he whispered and gently kissed the top of his head. He'd been here for three weeks, and he was getting so big. He was three and a half pounds already. "I'm so sorry you're suffering, baby boy. You'll never suffer again."

He was the common denominator. If he got rid of the root of the problem, then there wouldn't be any more problems for his family.

It was decided. The first night in Milwaukee - don't prolong the inevitable.

***

Elizabeth went back into the room about 45 minutes later, already missing her beautiful boy. Her mind was completely focused on him, and nothing else mattered to her.

When she entered the room, she saw Christian crying while holding a wide-awake Arlo and her fog lifted a bit; she could see how much all of this was destroying her husband. He had to be off working while his entire family, including his premature son, were thousands of miles away.

It would kill Elizabeth, and she hadn't even considered Christian's feelings.

"Chris?" she said quietly, sitting in the chair next to him and putting her hand over his.

"H-has it already been an hour?" he whispered, wiping his eyes. It had gone too fast. It wasn't enough time.

"No," she whispered and wiped Christian's eyes. "It hasn't... I just missed him. I... I'm so sorry, Chris. I can't even imagine..." Elizabeth's voice broke, panicking at just the thought of being away from Arlo for any amount of time.

"It won't be long. You guys will be okay," he whispered, gently kissing the top of his son's head. "You're so strong, Ellie. You're going to be okay."

It was true. She'd be even stronger without him.

"We will call you every second you have free... I promise. And once he gets bigger we'll transfer him to the Children's Hospital in Milwaukee. I promise, Christian," she said, more strength in her voice than in the past three weeks.

Christian looked at his wife and interlocked their fingers, trying to find the words to say. "I love you. I will always love you, Elles. Please don't forget me... Don't let them forget me?" he begged.

"Never, Christian. You're their daddy... My husband. I'd never forget you. I love you, Christian. We all do," she whispered, leaning her forehead against his. He needed her right now. He'd been her rock for weeks. God, he let her hold Arlo the whole time and never even complained.

Christian nodded against her forehead, gently kissing her. "You're my everything. Our family is my everything," he whispered.

"We will see you so soon, Christian. We'll be home soon," she whispered, laying her hand against his cheek. Her fingertips were gently running through his hair and her thumb was wiping his tears, the action was soothing to Christian, who leaned into the touch.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her palm. It was all he could say. He knew that he wouldn't see them soon. He knew it.

That's how they spent the last hour of Christian's time in Arizona. Him holding his son, and his wife holding him.

It just made it all hurt more.

***

Travis refused to leave him alone. The infielder basically set up camp in his home and went everywhere he went - prolonging Christian's pain. He just wanted it to be done.

Which is why he was so ready for this first road trip. He got his own room, thankfully. Tonight was the night. He just needed to grab a bottle of whiskey.

Which is why he was in the hallway at 3am, when a tall blonde pushed him against the wall, immediately shoving her hand down his pants.

He saw a flash in the corner of his eyes, but he was too focused on gently but firmly pulling the offending hand out of his pants and pushing the woman away.

"I'm married," he snapped, his eyes full of pure fury.

The damage was already done.

***

"Elizabeth, sweetie... There is probably something else to this. He wouldn't cheat on you," Debbie said softly, gently putting Arlo back in his incubator. Elizabeth was angry and sad, and Debbie didn't want that energy transferred to Arlo.

"A whore's hand is down his pants. That doesn't leave any fucking room for interpretation, mom. I can't fucking believe it," it was the most emotion she'd shown since the moment her and Christian had before he left.

"He's calling again, sweetie. Answer it and see what he has to say for himself," Debbie said softly.

"I don't want to talk to him. Ever again. He doesn't deserve to see Arlo again. I'm done with him, mom. So stop bringing him up," she snapped. She wasn't that angry. She knew it would happen eventually.

It just really hurt that it was 4 weeks after their premature son was born and Elizabeth was with him in Arizona while Christian was galavanting in Georgia.

She had to turn it off. She had to be there for Arlo. Nothing else mattered.

No emotion other than love for her babies mattered.

Christian didn't matter. Arlo mattered.