Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

24

This chapter (and the next) contains sensitive subject matter regarding abortion.

***

She was an OBGYN, and even she had to go to Planned Parenthood to "get rid of it," as her fling had so lovingly put.

She hadn't heard from Christian in two days, since he locked himself in his room after she broke the news and fled the scene. She probably wouldn't hear from him again.

She deserved it. She brought nothing but drama and pain to their short-lived relationship. She couldn't even manage to stay not pregnant for a few weeks. She disgusted herself, so she wasn't surprised she disgusted Christian, too.

She knew the fellow OBGYN who gave her the two pills that would expel her baby from her body. She was kind. Supportive. "I can stop over later and check in on you," she said softly. "You shouldn't be alone, Liz."

"I'll be fine," Elizabeth said softly. She knew how this all worked. She had prepared for it. She thought she was ready. Naproxen and a heating pad to numb the pain. Overnight pads to absorb the blood. Some iron supplements to replenish her body.

She had helped women through this pain before, so she could help herself through it, too.

She got her pills, went back to work, and then came home. Around 10:30 pm, she carefully set the two hexagonal tablets on the counter. She stared at them until she found a bit of courage.

She drank a glass of water, knowing it was good to stay hydrated, especially when you were going to lose a lot of blood. She was always prepared.

She swallowed the mifepristone first. It would stop their love from growing inside her.

She felt the tears rush down her face as she raised the second pill to her mouth. The misoprostol would eliminate the remnants of their relationship.

She broke down into fits of sobbing, making her way to her bedroom to prepare for the inevitable. Once curled in fetal position on her normal side of her bed, she sent him a text.

I got rid of it. It's done.

It was the right thing to do. She knew it. But it didn't make it hurt less. She wouldn't ever fully shake this pain.

She knew that, too.

***

Christian supervised Ivy, watching her play with mashed bananas — putting them everywhere except in her mouth.

Usually Ivy exploring food would make Christian and Ellie laugh, at the very least smile, but tonight was different. Christian had pushed his love away, and he couldn't think of a single thing to say to her that didn't sound pathetic.

His own words played in his head on loop. Get rid of it. Get rid of it. Get rid of it. It meaning their baby. They had made a baby together, and all he offered her was a demand. A baby that was created from pure love, and that's all he had to give his Ellie.

A fatal request.

Because he couldn't lose her. A baby meant death, and he couldn't lose his sweet, sexy, devoted Elizabeth.

But he lost her anyway.

His heart plummeted when he read her message — I got rid of it. It's done.

She aborted their baby for him, and he wasn't even there to hold her through it. She had given up life at his command. God, he was such a piece of shit.

He gathered up Ivy and her things and rushed over to Elizabeth's apartment. The door was locked, but she fortunately gave him an extra key for emergencies, and this certainly felt like one.

He followed the sound of sobbing to find his baby curled up in her bed. "Elizabeth," he whispered. "Baby, oh God, what did I do to you?"

He settled Ivy into the pack and play in the corner of Ellie's room before wrapping his arms tightly around his love. "I'm so, so sorry. Tell me what to do. I'll do anything." And he would. He'd do anything for her. Unless it risked her life. A baby would risk her life.

She just sobbed harder at his words, so he held her even closer to him.

She didn't say a thing all night, but she let him hold her and whisper sweet nothings into her ear while she was overcome with pain. She didn't make him leave. She didn't push him away.

He stroked her hair. He placed kisses on her neck. He apologized endlessly for what he had done.

He loved her as much as he could while they lost the most precious thing two people could ever share.

But at least Ellie would be safe.