Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

33

Christian had been home for a week, and god what a week it had been. Elizabeth had come down with a weird flu, and he was losing his mind.

"Elizabeth please," he begged as he held her hair and rubbed her back at 5am. "Don't go to the gym today. Go to the doctor, please." Elizabeth knew that he was terrified, but she also knew that there was nothing a doctor could do about the flu.

"Christian, I'm okay," she said softly, just laying back against his chest and closing her eyes. She was so tired, her entire body ached, and she was nauseous all the time. "Just the flu, I promise. If I spike a fever, I'll go."

"Elizabeth. See a doctor. Ivy can't be around you when you're sick," this time it was more an order, and Elizabeth didn't see the debilitating fear in his eyes.

"I am a doctor," she snapped and stood up, trying not to sway from the lightheadedness. "I have to get to work."

She knew she was being harsh, but he'd been telling her to see a doctor since she left Arizona two weeks ago. She was fine.

***

Though she was an OB/GYN, she still had to get a yearly pap smear, and she hated it.

"And when was your last period?" Her attending asked. It was a routine question, but it stumped her. When was her last period?

Thank god they have apps for that.

"Lemme check," Elizabeth smiled and checked the app. Holy shit. Her last period was three months ago.

"Is there a possibility you're pregnant?" Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.

"I... maybe? My periods have been irregular for the last 6 months," she said softly. Holy shit. She was fucking pregnant, wasn't she? Oh god.

"I'm going to run a test," the attending said softly and took her very recent urine sample and dipped the small pregnancy test they used in it. Almost immediately, two lines appeared. "You are most definitely pregnant."

Fuck.

She couldn't tell Christian... because she wanted this baby. She was keeping this baby.

***

"Elizabeth... LIZ," her coworker snapped her out of her stupor. She was pregnant and she had no clue how far along she was.

"Yeah, sorry. What's up?" she tried to smile, but she knew it wasn't very convincing.

"Are you okay?" Kaitlin asked softly, seeing the unconvincing smile.

"I... can you do me a favor?" she asked her fellow resident, eyes full of fear.

"Of course! What's up, Liz?" she asked, following Elizabeth into one of their exam rooms.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone. Don't tweet it. Don't Facebook it. Nothing Kate, please," she begged.

"Of course not, Elizabeth. I promise," she seemed sincere so Elizabeth nodded.

"I'm pregnant. And I don't know how far along I am because my periods are irregular. Can you do an ultrasound and measure me?" She begged, hands shaking.

"Of course, Liz. Anything you need," she nodded. "I'm going to do an internal one, though. So I'll give you a few minutes to undress."

Elizabeth nodded and pulled her scrubs down, heart lodged in her throat. She was so scared, happy, and angry at herself. She knew the birth control pill was a bad decision given her life style. She was never home at the same time every night and sometimes she didn't even go home. Her pill usage was spotty, at best, and she hadn't even renewed her prescription in about 2 months.

Now she was pregnant, and she was certain that she would lose her family over it. And that terrified her.

***

Kaitlin came back into the room 5 minutes later, smiling softly. "Let's see this baby," she said softly and inserted the probe and looked around a bit. "Crown to rump looks like you're at 8 weeks 3 days. So that'd be a November 9th due date."

November. Shit. That was not good.

"Is everything okay? Is there a good heartbeat?" she looked over to the screen, gasping as there was the perfect sound of a healthy heartbeat. God that was her baby. She felt the tears roll down her cheeks and her heart swelled with love.

"There's a perfect heartbeat, Liz. 171 beats per minute. Everything looks amazing," Kaitlin smiled and handed her the ultrasound pictures of her little gummy bear.

"Thank you, Kate," she smiled softly and stared intently at the pictures.

As Kaitlin left the room, dread coursed through her body like ice.

She couldn't tell Christian.

***

It had been another week and she had somehow kept it from Christian this long, and she wasn't planning on telling him today.

She sifted through her mail and found a letter from their rental company, reminding her that her lease was up in June. 6 weeks from now.

Maybe Christian would want her to move in with him... then they wouldn't have to switch apartments while raising their baby... if he even wanted the baby.

Elizabeth went to knock on his door, her heart in her throat. It was a big step, but she was sure that they were ready for it. They'd been together for 9 months, though it felt more like over a year. He'd be so happy to spend every extra second with her.

She thought.

***

They had eaten dinner and put Ivy down before settling on a movie to watch, Elizabeth in Christian's arms.

"Hey Chris?" she said softly, head on his shoulder.

"Yeah, baby?" he smiled softly, gently running his hand over her side.

"My lease is up in June... What if I moved in here with you and Ivy?" she asked quietly, smiling and looking into his eyes.

Which meant she saw the hurt.

"I don't think I want that," he said quietly.

This was his and Sloane's home. He loved Elizabeth with every fiber of his being, but this was the home Sloane made. It would be an insult to her to bring another woman into it. No way.

He also couldn't look at her when he said that.

"O...Oh," she whispered, heart dropping. That wasn't what she expected. And it hurt. He was rejecting her. He didn't want her to live with him... she wasn't good enough.

"Baby..." he started, seeing the tears in her eyes.

"I think I'm going to spend the night at my place... at home," she whispered. Her place never felt like home, but now a cardboard box would feel more like home than this.

"Ellie, listen to me... Please," he begged, terrified that she would leave and never come back. He hated the tears in her eyes. He hated seeing how much it hurt her. Of course he wanted to live with her, but not here. He couldn't.

"I'm not her. I never will be her, Christian. I know that. You know that. But it isn't fair that I don't get to have a real relationship with the person I love. I want a family with you one day... we can't have that if we don't live together. So you need to decide if you want a family with me or not," she whispered and stood up, knees buckling a bit from the dizziness.

"I already have a family with you," he whispered, tears in his eyes. "I just... She's everywhere here. I can't... What if we moved into a home? Not an apartment... a home. You pick it out, love. Anywhere in the city or suburbs you want. Any price. I want to live with you... just not here."

She could do that... Their family needed that.