Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

21

Elizabeth woke up in the morning, her body surrounded by strong and loving arms. She remembered everything last night... every movement, every stretch... and her heart dropped. She was a horrible person. Good lord she was an awful person. Christian was so sweet and so vulnerable... and she practically forced him to fuck her.

Elizabeth slipped out of his arms, which was a feat because he tightened his grip the second she moved. She slipped her dress on and grabbed her heels, underwear, and bra and checked on Ivy before she snuck out of Christian's apartment and rushed to her own.

What the hell did she do? Why on earth did she just ruin the only good friendship she ever had?

***

Elizabeth showered and made herself a cup of tea, sitting on her couch and staring out the window.

So many thoughts were running through her head. So many feelings.

The most overpowering of those?

Love. She fucking loved Christian Yelich. And she hated herself for it. She hated herself for loving a man who couldn't love her back. A man who would never understand how she felt because he was still painfully in love with his wife who just fucking died. And Elizabeth just fucked him.

A lot. And goddamn, it felt good. Definitely the best sex of her fucking life... probably because she was in love with him.

Elizabeth sat for a moment in silence before hearing the sweet cries come from down the hall.

Ivy. Sweet, beautiful, innocent Ivy. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve this betrayal. Because that's exactly what this was. She betrayed the both of them deeply.

Christian was so vulnerable and prone to breaking, and Elizabeth knew better. She knew he'd regret it. He'd think he was cheating on Sloane.

She absolutely betrayed him, and that hurt her. Christian just lost his wife - not even a year ago. And Elizabeth had sex with him? She was the worst kind of person.

You wouldn't deserve it if he did love you. You filthy whore.

Elizabeth had to beg the voice in the back of her head to shut up, but she knew it was true. She way overstepped her boundaries, and now she had hurt four people. Christian, Ivy, herself ... And, most importantly, Sloane.

She slept with another woman's husband. Elizabeth knew that it wasn't exactly the same, but she felt like she was helping Christian cheat.

She was a whore.

***

Christian woke up to Ivy's cry and was smacked with the coldness of the room. Elizabeth was gone. She left him. Another woman he loved left him. It seemed like a theme.

He didn't have time to think that he was the common denominator. Ivy needed him.

"Dah-DAHHHHH!!!" She cried out, her tiny fists shaking from the force of her desperation.

"Dada's here, princess," he whispered and picked her up, reveling in being needed. Being wanted.

He knew that he'd never get that from another woman.

He opened his heart less than a year after losing the love of his life, and had it broken again. He was done. Loneliness hurt less than falling in love with women who'd never love him.

God he loved Elizabeth so much it made him sick. He wanted nothing but to be loved by Elizabeth. He wasn't thinking about the sex. It was incredible, but god he just wanted to feel close to her. He wanted to hold her. Brush through her soft hair. Bask in the warmth of her smile.

But he didn't get that anymore. He didn't get happiness.

Last night was just the universe giving a glimpse of happiness then pulling it away as a reminder that he killed his wife.

He could really use Elizabeth right now. She always dragged him out of his depression. She was always what he needed.

He needed Elizabeth.

***

"Dr. Reed!" Her attending's harsh voice snapped her out of her daze.

It had been a week since she slept with Christian, and her sadness was only growing worse by the day. She was only growing more certain of her feelings.

"Sorry, Dr. Allen. Mrs. Shaw, it looks like baby Jonah is doing amazingly in there. You're dilated to about a 2.5 and about 85% effaced, so I'd wager a guess that he'll be making his arrival soon," she had the wand over his heart for what was probably an alarming amount of time for the couple. Seeing them just reminded her of Christian, and it hurt.

Lindy was 38 weeks at this point, so any day would be perfectly healthy for the baby to arrive.

"Elle? Are you okay?" Travis frowned, seeing the look on her face.

Of course he knew what was going on. Christian probably told him all the details.

"Is Christian okay?" Was all she asked. Deflect.

"Not really. I really think you two should talk, Elizabeth. I don't think the situation is what you think it is," he said quietly, squeezing her shoulder.

Talk. They could talk... god did it scare her. He'll probably never want to talk to her after she told him.

But she had to.

***

I'm stopping by Fixture on my way home... Wanna split a Great Lakes Distillery deep dish?

Christian's heart pounded in his chest when he saw the text. Elizabeth wanted to see him.

I'd love to... grab us some mozzarella sticks?

Be cool, Christian. She's probably just going to let you down gently.

He was shit today. Grounded into a game ending double play to lose the game with the bases loaded. He needed Elizabeth and he was finally going to see her.

Three gentle taps. 8:04pm.

She was home... here. She was here.

He couldn't think like that.

"Hi," Christian whispered and grabbed the pizza from her burdened arms.

"Hi," she whispered. She looked exhausted and Christian only wanted to wrap a blanket around her and hold her while she slept.

Goddammit, Christian. STOP.

"We should talk," they spoke simultaneously and the small smile that came across Elizabeth's face made Christian feel warm.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and she looked so sad and it confused Christian.

"What're you sorry for, Ellie? I'm the one who took advantage of you..." Christian whispered.

"No no, Christian. I took advantage of you. It was wrong of me, and I'm sorry," Elizabeth said softly, gently taking his hand.

"I don't think you took advantage of me, Ellie. I was willing and in my right mind. You were scared from what had happened earlier..."

Elizabeth shook her head. "You lost your wife less than a year ago... I should know better. I don't want to hurt you..."

"You didn't hurt me, Ellie. I wanted it. So much. I love you."

God fucking damn it Christian, you're a fucking idiot.