Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

72

Christian woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat from a nightmare. In his dream, he was dead, and he watched Elizabeth raise their children with Jacob Nottingham, of all people, through a dense, murky fog. He could just make out their image. He could just see Elizabeth tenderly kiss Jacob's lips.

His heart raced.

He felt a bit of comfort when he felt Elizabeth pressed into his side, an arm lazily wrapped around his rib cage. He smiled slightly when she squeezed him a bit. He needed this, and he needed her.

"Christian?" she questioned softly, nuzzling her face against his broad shoulder. "Why are you awake?"

"Nightmare," he said quietly, not wanting to tell her more. It was all too embarrassing. He was a child. A child unequipped to handle anything.

"Are you having them again? Frequently?" she asked, sitting up in bed; Christian could see the concern on her face, even in the dark.

Christian tried to brush off the disappointment of her no longer holding him to focus on answering her question. "It's not a big deal. I'm going to go make a peanut butter sandwich." He started to get out of bed, but Elizabeth put her arm out in front of him to stop him. "I'll get it. Crunchy?" She knew the answer was yes.

"Yes, please," he practically whispered.

Elizabeth returned with a toasted peanut butter sandwich, a sliced apple, and a big glass of ice water. "I'm glad you're eating something." She had noticed he hadn't eaten anything yesterday, so she handed him the plate with a warm smile. "Anything else I can get you?" Her voice was sweet, and it brought Christian's anxiety down another notch.

"No thanks. This is perfect," he muttered. And it was. He wanted to touch her, hold her hand, kiss her cheek, but he wasn't sure what the line was. He wasn't sure where they stood, and he wasn't sure if now was the best time to discuss the subject.

"Get some more sleep," Elizabeth requested after he scarfed down his sandwich and apple before chugging his glass of water. "You need it."

Christian watched as she cuddled into her side of the bed – too far away from him for him to find sleep easily.

***

Reilly screamed from his high chair when daddy said he had to go with mommy to the hospital, causing Christian's eyes to tear up. They were selfishly happy tears. His son's breakdown made him feel wanted and loved.

Christian picked his baby boy up and kissed his cheek. "We need to visit your little brother, but I'll read you a bedtime story tonight, okay, little buddy?" he assured the crying toddler.

Reilly nodded slightly, and wiped his tears away with his knuckles.

"I'll take care of Ry," Ivy explained to everyone, trying to be the best big sister she could be.

"Oh, I know you will," Christian beamed at her. "I love you, Reilly." He gave his son another big smooch before transferring him to Debbie's arms. He was calm now. Christian had made a difference.

Elizabeth and Christian said their goodbyes before making their way to the hospital to spend the day with Arlo.

***

"I can't believe how much better he's doing," Christian said excitedly as he drove his wife home from the hospital after a twelve hour visit. Neither of them wanted to let Arlo out of their sight, but Christian felt genuine happiness after spending another full day with the two of them. Now he couldn't wait to go home and see his other babies.

He couldn't remember the last time he felt so alive.

"I know. The staff has been incredible, and he's such a fighter. Just like his daddy." Elizabeth suddenly grabbed Christian's hand and gave it a light squeeze. "I'm so relieved you're still here with me," she breathed out, suddenly overcome with emotion. She had been blocking it all for weeks, and it was catching up with her now that she was sharing new moments with her husband.

She took her hand back to wipe her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

Christian looked over at her with confusion on his face. "For what?"

"I should have been there for you. I should have come to New York. I'm sorry . . ." She was sobbing into her hands now.

"Elizabeth, you needed to be here for Arlo. There's nothing to be sorry about. Please stop. I don't want to cause you any more pain than I already have." He bravely moved a hand onto her knee and squeezed. "I love you, Ellie."

Elizabeth looked over at him through her glazed over eyes. "I love you too," she whispered, before continuing to sob into her hands – not wanting him to see the full extent of what she was feeling.

Love. Confusion. Pain. Anxiety. Fear. Panic. More love.

***

His Ellie still loved him. He was useless, but she still had room in her heart for him. It was more than he deserved, but he couldn't live without it. Literally.

He read Reilly his story before going to Ivy's room and tucking his oldest into bed. "Goodnight, sweetheart. Daddy loves you."

"Are you better, daddy?" she asked, a worried expression haunting her bright blue-green eyes. "Grandma said you got sick. Do you need kisses?"

Christian laughed. "I'm all better now, but that doesn't mean I don't need kisses." He gave his daughter a kiss on her forehead and then her lips. "I love you so much, Ivy. Sweetest dreams."

He turned on her night light before turning off the overhead light.

"Night night, daddy," his little girl whispered before falling asleep.

"How did it go?" Elizabeth asked Christian as he joined her on the couch. She had her face buried in a medical journal, but she placed it on the coffee table when Christian sat down.

"We are so lucky," he sighed. "Perfect kids."

"We are," she agreed with a small smile in his direction. "I was just going to go swim a few laps before bed, since I just got approved for light exercise, finally. Do you want to come?" She was going to use swimming as a break to get her head on right, but he looked so eager to spend time with her. And she knew they needed time together. It had been too long.

"I'd love to," he said softly.

They got ready separately but met at the pool. Christian watched intently as Elizabeth discarded her white swimsuit cover up. She looked so beautiful. He missed every inch of her . . .

While she stepped into the water slowly to adjust to the temperature, Christian just jumped in and started to swim. "Show off!" Elizabeth shouted from the shallow end of the pool. Christian was built for swimming – long and lean. Her? Not so much.

Elizabeth swam a few laps before taking a breather on the side of the pool. Christian met her there and stood in front of her. "How are you feeling?" he asked, knowing it had been awhile since she got to do much beyond walking.

"Great." And she meant it. Exercise always helped her feel better. An immediate cure for life's woes. "You?" she asked with a smile.

"The best I've been in a long, long time." He watched, eyes wide, as Elizabeth moved closer to him and placed her hands on the sides of his bare stomach. He wasn't expecting it, but the small action relieved him from feeling like a failure, even if the relief was only temporary.

"I love you, Christian Yelich," she whispered before standing on her tiptoes to press her lips ever so gently against his. Her hands moved away from his sides, so she could wrap her arms around his neck instead.

Although the kiss was short and sweet, Christian had never felt as much passion as he experienced in the fleeting moment.

She still loved him.

That was enough. For now.