Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

22

Elizabeth tried to find words, but she was so bad at this. She had never been good at romantic relationships. She never really cared about having a boyfriend growing up. She had George in college, but she never loved him. She just trusted him.

What she felt for Christian was different, and it absolutely terrified her. She felt like she couldn't breathe without him, and she never depended on anyone for anything. What was she supposed to do? Why wasn't there a book? She needed a book.

She reacted the only way she knew how – with physicality. Her lips brushed against his, and his pressed back against hers instantaneously. She ran her hands through his thick, dark hair, her new favorite thing, and let herself melt into him. She did love him. Why couldn't she just say it? Why couldn't she tell this sweet, loving man everything she felt? She loved him. She loved Ivy. She wanted him. She wanted to share a life with him. God, she was getting ahead of herself.

"Elizabeth," he said softly when they broke apart. She could see the hurt behind his eyes . . . He really did love her. She had no idea why, but he did. She hated herself for his pain. Why couldn't she just say it? Why was it so hard?

"Are you hungry?" she asked, trying to sound calm. She was anything but.

"Yeah . . . Sure," Christian replied, tone overwhelmed with sadness by her lack of reciprocation. He felt alone in his love. Isolated. Scared.

She nodded and fixed them two plates. She gave Christian three pieces of deep dish to her one. She knew how hungry he got in the evening. What didn't she know about him? She knew so much . . . The way he tried to laugh off his insecurities. How bright his eyes got when he looked at his beautiful baby girl. All the freckles on his long, lean body . . . Why couldn't she just say it? What was wrong with her? She loved him. She really, really loved him.

Christian snapped her out of her daze, and she looked over at him. "Eat," he said softly. "You look really pale . . . And that worries me." How much he cared. Add that to the list. Christian Yelich cared so much about her, and she didn't understand it.

She cared about him too. Obviously. They felt something like a family. They weren't, but sometimes it seemed that way. A very dysfunctional, broken family. And she loved it. She loved them.

"I'm fine . . . Promise." She gave him a smile before taking a small bite of side salad and then a bite of mozzarella stick. "See? Yum."

"Is your stomach upset?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

"No, I'm just . . . I don't know. Exhausted." She was. She didn't have time to eat or sleep. Her mind was constantly occupied by work . . . or Christian. Mostly Christian. Maybe really only Christian as of late. Love was wearing her out. Was it this hard for everyone? Was this worth it?

Christian put his plate down on the coffee table. "I'm going to draw you a hot bath." He got to his feet and looked down at her, offering a hand. "Come on."

She shook her head in protest. "No, no, it's okay . . . We could just go to sleep. Do you want to go to sleep . . . With me?" She emphasized "with me" as if the request was something he might object to. There was nothing he wanted more.

He laughed for the first time since she arrived. "Of course I want to go to sleep with you," he said softly, his hand still extended.

She nodded and grasped his hand with hers, and he helped her to his feet. They took care of their plates, and Christian led them to his room.

"You still have some clothes on the nightstand, and your toothbrush is in the bathroom." She smiled when she noticed the t-shirt and basketball shorts he had offered her the night of their indiscretions. She had opted to wear nothing instead.

She grabbed the t-shirt and made her way into his Christian's bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She wiggled out of her clothing and changed into the black Under Armour shirt before brushing her teeth. When she returned to Christian's room, he was propped up on his elbow in bed wearing nothing but his boxers. She had seen everything, but the sight still surprised her. How sexy she found his body still surprised her.

She never thought this was where life was going to take her, but yet here she was. She had wanted to be an OBGYN since she was 12. She had wanted to be the love of Christian's life for the past week . . . But Sloane. She couldn't do that to her. But she had to. She loved him. What else was she supposed to do?

She crawled into bed next to her . . . What was he, even? She didn't know any more. But she pressed herself against him, delighting in the warmth of his body.

He wrapped an arm around her and sighed deeply. "I love the way you smell," he whispered, his lips pressing against her temple. "I love you," he tried again.

Her gaze met his pleading eyes, and she didn't have to think any longer. "I love you, too, Christian," she replied, the words a release. She felt freer somehow. She felt safer. They could do this. They could share love together . . . They could be more than friends. It'd be hard, but they could do it.

God, the way she said his name. He never wanted to live a day where she didn't say it aloud.

The smile crept on his lips the moment she dropped the bomb, and he trailed his thumb across her cheek tenderly. "I feel like I've waited my whole life to hear you say that," he mumbled, kissing the tip of her nose and then her lips.

"I love you so much," she repeated, feeling her eyes tear up.

Christian just kissed the tears away.