Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

55

Christian got up with Reilly on Sunday night, taking him to the nursery every time he started to fuss. Which was fairly often, as his poor baby boy was going through his four month sleep regression.

He didn't need the sleep... Ellie did. Because Ellie was going back to work. The three of them weren't enough for Ellie on their own, so she had to go back to work. Christian failed in helping her see how much she was worth to their family.

It especially hurt because Christian had to leave for Arizona in eight days, for the "stupid game" he loved. He would give anything to take a year off for their baby, and Ellie couldn't even hold out for eight more days. She was already tired of him, and they'd been living together for less than five months.

"Sweet boy... just wait 'til you see Arizona. You'll get to spend all day with your buddy Jonah... you're going to love it," he smiled softly and kissed Reilly's chubby cheeks. "You are everything to me."

Reilly let out a coo, a bright grin on his face. "Yes you are. Daddy loves you so, so much," Christian grinned, gently rocking him and trying to help him sleep. God he was obsessed with his boy - he was so sweet and perfect. He loved both of his babies and couldn't imagine going any amount of time without seeing them.

***

At 6:20, a loud alarm blared through their room, shocking Christian awake and forcing him to soothe Reilly.

"Elizabeth, please turn that off," Christian sighed, trying to calm a screaming Reilly. They'd just fallen back asleep an hour earlier, Reilly fussing every time he was put into his bassinet. Thus, Christian was forced to sleep flat on his back, one arm protectively holding Reilly in place on his chest.

"Sorry, sorry. Forgot that he was in here," she said softly and turned the alarm off, smiling at the sight. "C'mere, lil man."

Christian gave Reilly over to his mom, biting his lip as she effortlessly fed their son. "I packed a little bag for you with everything you'll need," he smiled softly. "Breast pads, a breast pump, and I got you a new jar of that nipple cream you liked most... I also put some Aleve in there. Because I know you still get sore by the end of the day and I know you won't actually be home at two," he shrugged, still angry when he thought about it. He loved her... so much. And he knew that he went about it wrong, but she was also really insensitive about it. So he was hurt and yeah, he was still angry.

But he loved her more than anything, and he wanted her to be the happiest she could be. And if that meant that most of her day wasn't spent with him or their babies, he had to accept it.

"Thank you, Christian," Elizabeth smiled a bit. She was pissed at him, but she could see that he was trying.

"Just... come home to us at some point," he said softly, getting up and going to the kitchen. He knew his future wife was tired, so he made her a protein rich breakfast along with a travel mug filled with her favorite coffee combo. He was trying to be supportive, but it was hard because he wanted to spend every second he could with her.

"I'll be home before 3, Christian," Elizabeth sighed in annoyance, grabbing the coffee and breakfast to go.

"I love you," he whispered as she closed the door in a rush.

He hated that this was hurting him so much.

***

It was about noon and Elizabeth had to pump. She was a bit annoyed with how the morning had gone - why couldn't Christian accept that this was their life? That she worked her ass off for this job, and she wasn't leaving it.

She didn't have too much time to dwell, pulling the pump out and furrowing her brow when a little book fell out. She picked it up to look at it, tears forming as she saw that it was filled with pictures of them. Reilly's newborn photos, his weekly photos, him and Ivy doing tummy time together... and a picture of Reilly grinning up at her, his big green eyes so unbelievably happy to be seeing his mama.

Dear Mommy -

I miss you! I hope you are delivering all the babies and being the super duper smart mommy you are.

I love you!!!
Reilly

It was written in Christian's neat scrawl, only making her tears harder. She missed her baby terribly. She didn't want to think about the hole in her heart... she needed to work.

She finished pumping and stored the milk in her mini-freezer, throwing in new breast pads and wiping her eyes.

Two hours.

***

It was past four, and Christian just wasn't surprised. He wasn't even hurt at this point. Elizabeth didn't text him at all throughout the day, despite him texting her a few times.

She's busy, idiot. She has more important things to do than answer a silly text. The voice in the back of his head that drove him to hurt himself were back. He hated being so pathetic...

Christian flipped the pork tenderloin over, making the only thing he really knew how to. He wanted her to feel loved.

If she felt loved, maybe she wouldn't be so eager to leave him tomorrow morning.

He heard the lock in the door and tried to not change his demeanor. Don't be pathetic, Christian.

"Chris?" she said softly and wrapped her arms around him. She could see that he wasn't feeling himself, and she wanted to make sure he felt secure.

"Hi. How was work?" he asked quietly, unable to stop himself from wrapping her in a tight hug and kissing her forehead.

"I missed you. I missed Reilly and Ivy..." she whispered, head on his chest. "I love you."

"I love you, too, beautiful. Go relax with Ry. I'm going to make Ivy something to eat," he said quietly, hesitantly kissing her softly.

Elizabeth smiled softly against his lips and kissed him back, so much love behind the kiss. "I will. Thank you for everything."

He had 7 more days before Arizona... he needed to let this all go and make every second count.

***

"Christian?" Elizabeth said softly that night, both of their chests still heaving from the intensely emotional sex they just had.

"Yes, beautiful?" he grinned, holding her even closer.

"I don't have any PTO," she said softly. She hated doing this... bringing this up.

"I know, you just started back. You'll have some more soon, right? I'll fly you down every weekend, if necessary," he sighed, kissing her temple. They'd make it work.

"I have to work on the weekends... And I won't really have any PTO for six months..." she was trying to break this gently. She knew this was going to hurt both of them.

"What are you saying, Elizabeth," he didn't want her to say it. He didn't want it to be true.

"Christian... Reilly and I have to stay in Milwaukee during all of Spring Training." She didn't sound as hurt as he felt. She didn't sound like her heart was being ripped apart at the seams.

His baby was only four months old... he was going to miss nearly two months of his life.

He felt sick to his stomach thinking about it. He needed air. He couldn't breathe.

Elizabeth felt him get out of bed and she frowned. "Christian..."

It fell on deaf ears. Christian had stormed out of their bedroom, and not even a minute later, she heard a loud thump and the sobs of a grown man who just learned he'd be separated from his baby for weeks.

That went well, the voice in the back of her head sneared.