Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

80

Eighteen months. Eighteen months of single control lines and not pregnants. Elizabeth was inconsolable as she tossed another hunk of plastic in the trash and washed her hands. Hot tears stained her cheeks as she took deep breaths.

Christian wasn't home to hold her as she lost control of everything. He was never home.

It was part of the problem.

She gave herself one minute to pull herself together before she had to put on her brave mommy face and get all three of her babies ready for school and daycare.

Eighteen months of failure, but at least she still had her rocks. That was something.

***

Christian got home from a nine-game road trip that same evening. It was late, just past midnight, and the kids were already tucked into bed. "Hey, baby," he greeted his beautiful wife, immediately wrapping her up in his long arms, holding her tightly against his body. "I missed you so much," he muttered against the top of her head, basking in the scent of her long, soft hair. She was so perfect to him.

He hated being away from her and kids. It never got easier.

"Hi," she whispered, unable to keep the emotions from earlier that morning at bay, the tears returning to her face as soon as Christian embraced her.

"Ellie, what's wrong?" He could tell she was crying before he even saw the tears on her face. He knew the change in her voice. He knew his wife.

"I'm not pregnant," she replied, her tone both a little sad and a little cold.

"Do you think it's time to see a fertility specialist?" he asked kindly, brushing a strand of loose hair out of her face and moving it behind her ear, trying not to overreact to the briskness of her words. "Get our wiring and hormones examined or whatever."

"I'm never going to get pregnant if you're never around to fuck me at the right time," she broke down, unable to check her emotions — a rarity for her.

Christian was surprised by her mood swing. This wasn't like her. This wasn't his Ellie. But he couldn't help but fight back. "Well, maybe if you'd just let me take care of the family and not work so much," he started, only to be cut off by his emboldened wife.

"I'm done with this," she muttered, leaving the foyer to pack a bag in their bedroom. Scrubs. Underwear. Basic hygiene products. Just enough to get by without having to linger in their house much longer. She could go to the mall tomorrow and buy whatever else she needed.

"Ellie, stop, you're overreacting."

She ignored him. She wanted nothing to do with him. She needed out.

Overnight bag. Purse. Keys. Out the door without another word.

She made sure it slammed behind her. She wanted him to hear the echo.

Christian stood alone in stunned silence, too broken to give chase to the woman he barely recognized.

***

Elizabeth, please come home. I need you. We need you.

Christian had texted her the same message every night for ten days, but she couldn't face him. She was a failure, and he wasn't available enough to help her.

Looking at her husband when she dropped off the kids hurt. Everything hurt. Their love was probably irreparably broken.

She fought the tears as she microwaved another frozen dinner, her hotel room not offering a full kitchen.

As she stirred the steaming pasta dish, she heard her phone alarm sound. Ovulation. Tomorrow was ovulation day.

It was the only thing she was willing to return to him for . . .

She needed him.

***

She turned the key in the lock and tried to enter the house without making much noise. It was late, and she knew Ivy was a light sleeper.

She figured Christian would be in their room listening to music quietly, and that's exactly where he was.

His eyes lit up when he laid eyes on her, and he excitedly jumped out of bed to greet her. "You're here," he choked out through his tears. "You're home."

"Yeah, I'm home," she confirmed, offering him a shy smile before kissing him gently, then passionately. Before he could fully respond, she was already pushing him back toward the bed.

"I want to make love to you," she whispered, as he lied back onto the mattress. She removed all her clothes quickly while he watched with fire in his eyes. She then climbed on top of his long, lean body. "I missed you so much, baby," she moaned as she straddled his lap, grinding against the bulge in his boxers. "Let's get these off," she said playfully while toying with his waistband.

He just nodded, and she didn't notice the wetness in his eyes. He lifted his hips and allowed her to pull off his underwear, shutting his eyes while she slowly lowered herself onto his shaft before beginning to bounce.

She rode him until he exploded inside of her, and she squeezed her walls tightly around him to take in every drop of what he offered.

Christian knew. He knew it wasn't him that she wanted. She only settled into his arms because she needed him to cum.

She fell asleep quickly. No I love you. No pillow talk. No post-sex laughter.

This wasn't them. Nothing felt right. He almost felt like he cheated on his actual wife with some shadow version of her . . . One who cared more about getting pregnant than the family she already shared with her husband.

Christian slept alone in the guest room, crying himself to sleep.

He just wanted his wife. His Ellie.

All he had was a void where she once was.