Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

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Elizabeth was twelve weeks along with Christian Yelich's baby. She was officially through her first trimester, and no one knew except Kaitlin, her colleague . . . and friend. She had become a friend. She had kept Elizabeth's secret, and, for that, she was eternally grateful.

Elizabeth pushed her cart through the baby aisles of her local Target, mindlessly adding small items: bottles, pacifiers, bibs, diapers. The objects made her pregnancy feel more real. It was hard for it to feel real when she was hiding it from everyone, including the man she loved. And, God, did she love him. More than anything. Him, Ivy, and the baby she was carrying. The loves of her life.

She sighed and ran her fingers across some onesie sets. She didn't know the baby's sex, but she was pretty sure it was a little girl, and that in November, her sweet little Ivy would have an adorable baby sister to love. Just to be prepared, she added onesies in a wide assortment of colors and patterns. Blues, greens, yellows, pinks. She didn't care. She just wanted to be prepared. She loved preparing, and this was her most important preparation yet. She was going to have a baby. She was so ready.

She was a mom already, but she wanted to experience some of the little joys she missed out on with Ivy: carrying her little one inside of her, delivery, breastfeeding . . . She wanted those things so bad. She realized it as soon as she lost her little love all those months ago.

Her heart skipped a beat when she spotted a set of three Brewers onesies. The set was immediately put into the cart. Christian would love them . . .

Or maybe he wouldn't. Get rid of it. She couldn't shake the memory of the anger in his voice when he spoke those words to her.

She couldn't live through that pain again.

She checked out. $400 well spent. No regrets. She could hide everything in her apartment, since  Christian didn't want to share one with her.

***

Later that evening, Elizabeth read a medical journal in Christian's bed – waiting for him to get home from his game. Ivy was sound asleep, and everything was quiet and calm with the exception of Elizabeth's brain. How long could she keep up this act?

She was starting to show. She saw it in the mirror, the little bump making her heart cartwheel. But those cartwheels stopped when she remembered she was hiding everything from him.

She put the journal down and closed her eyes, hands settling on her stomach, trying to envision her perfect life with her baby, even if Christian decided he wanted no part of it. Her biggest fear.

She instinctively pulled her shirt back down when she heard Christian come in. He went straight to her, a smile on his face as he stood in the doorway. "I was worried you might have a late night," he said softly before getting on the bed and crawling on top of her. "I've been thinking about you all day," he whispered into her ear, tugging on her lobe with his teeth before placing some kisses down her neck.

She moaned a little, burying her hands in his hair, as he ground against her slowly.

"You have a lot of clothes on," he said with a smirk.

"So do you," she breathed, helping him out of his shirt. Her hands ran all over his body, and he jammed his tongue into her mouth in response. He fucking loved it when she touched every inch of him.

He teasingly slid her shorts down and off her, and she was overcome with relief when he didn't immediately try to take her top off. Even the heat and passion of the moment couldn't distract her from what she didn't want him to see in the harsh light of the bedroom.

He removed his sweats and boxers, entering her swiftly while massaging her breasts over her tank top. "You're fucking sexy, baby," he groaned as he thrusted.

She bit her lip when his hands began to move up her shirt. "Don't be self-conscious, baby, nothing a little time at the gym with me won't fix," he said softly when he felt the bit of pudge that was, unknowingly to him, their growing love.

That stung, and the tears hit faster than she wanted them to, her hormones still imbalanced. "Off," she said softly, but angrily, pushing her away from him.

He got off of her quickly, realizing his mistake. "Elizabeth, don't be like this," he muttered, chasing after her, but she was quick to slam the bathroom door in his face. "You're beautiful. Don't be silly."

He could hear her quietly sobbing. "I'm coming in," he warned.

When he opened the door, he saw Elizabeth sitting on the toilet, clutching her stomach like she was protecting herself from something. Like she was protecting herself from him.

And, just like that, everything made sense. The pudge. The dizziness. The vomiting. The "bout of flu." "Elizabeth . . . Fuck, Elizabeth," he muttered. "How far along?" he asked. He sounded angry, and that only made her cry harder. Memories from that night, that horrible night, washing over her. Get rid of it. Get rid of it. JUST GET RID OF IT.

"How fucking far along?" he repeated, this time angrier. This time punching the bathroom wall out of a mix of fear of the past and frustration that his Ellie lied to him. Elizabeth clutched her stomach harder while Christian tried to shake off the pain in his hand.

He took a few deep breaths and knelt in front of her. He pushed her hands away, so he could touch the little bump, and, when he did so, his touch was tender. Not mean. Not infuriated. Sweet. Loving. Gentle. But his voice was still harsh when he spoke again. "Elizabeth, tell me now, how far along?"

"Twelve weeks," she whispered through her hot tears.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Elizabeth. You hid this from me through your entire first trimester?" He shook his head in disappointment, but his hands still lovingly touched the bump, and he was crying now, too. "I can't wait," he said softly. "I'm terrified, but I can't wait."

She met his eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered, not able to stop crying. "I didn't want to get rid of it."

Christian kept one hand on the bump while moving one to her face to help her wipe some of the tears away. He tried to get them all, but they kept coming. "I'm ready for this, Elizabeth. I'm ready to share everything with you."

He pulled her shirt up, so he could touch her bare stomach with both of his hands before covering it with kisses. He cried against her bare skin, and she held his head closer to her. "I love you, Christian," she said, her sobs subsiding a bit, his kisses making her feel safe. Wanted. Loved.

"I love you too, Ellie . . . and this beautiful little baby right here."

More kisses. More love.