Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

43

You should meet me at the hospital in an hour, if you can. Dr. Allen has our test results. Whatever happens, I love you.

Christian's heart was pounding, hands shaking as he got Ivy ready. "Ready to go see Uncle Travis?" he said softly, gently running a hand through the 20-month-old's curls.

"U'c Trav!" she grinned, her blue-green eyes full of pure joy.

"Exactly, baby girl," he smiled and held her hand as they walked to the Mercedes.

He kept his composure just long enough for Ivy to be safely inside the Shaw house, breaking down the second he got in the car. Oh God... their beautiful baby boy... He had to pull it together. For Ellie and for their beautiful boy.

He sped to the hospital, getting there 40 minutes after the text. It should've taken the full hour, but he knew he had to be there.

"Christian? Sweetie..." Elizabeth whispered and wrapped him into a gentle hug, their baby boy kicking around happily.

"Are you okay? Did you take your medication?" he was basically begging, his eyes wide. His dreams were getting more specific. Elizabeth fainting as she crossed the street with Ivy. His entire family family killed in an instant. He was begging himself to just stay awake. He had 5 hour energy. He had coffee.

"Of course, Chris," she whispered and rubbed his back. "We're okay," she promised. He was getting worse. He made a catch last night that'd be on every highlight reel for decades, but Elizabeth saw the deep bruise on his back when he finally got home from Denver. She would've said something, but she had to be to work early.

"Lets go get these results... maybe they'll let us see him," he tried to smile through the fear, his heart racing.

"I can always ask. I'm sure Alex could do it," she smiled softly and walked with him to Dr. Allen's office. She was nervous. She was scared as hell that something was wrong with her baby boy, but Christian needed her. Every movement Christian made scared her. He needed to see someone but he was always so busy.

"Christian, Elizabeth," Dr. Allen said softly, leading them to their seats. "Let's talk about these results," she smiled gently.

"Please no sweet talk. Trisomy 13? 21?" Elizabeth whispered, holding hers and Christian's hand over her bump.

"Neither. He tested normal, Elizabeth. I want you to see a perinatologist today just so that they can confirm that the EIF is gone, but he's testing completely healthy," the doctor smiled.

Christian let out the air he'd been holding and held her close. "I love you. You're doing such an amazing job carrying our boy and making sure he's healthy," he whispered, kissing her bump.

"Thank you so much," she smiled, running her hand through Christian's hair. "We can see the perinatologist now if she's available."

"I'll page her. Alex can do the ultrasound and Dr. Albright can go over the results," Dr. Allen smiled and paged Alex in.

Christian was already nervous, wanting to hold Elizabeth closely every second of every day but knowing she still needed space, and seeing the tall blonde come in and smile at his Ellie.

"Ah! Lizzy your bump is so cute!" Alex smiled and gently rubbed it, giving her a hug.

Fucking Lizzy. Again. These guys have no originality.

"Thank you," his Ellie smiled and took Christian's hand.

Christian responded by wrapping his arms around Elizabeth and gently holding her tummy, before helping her lay down when Andre or whatever his name was left the room to get the ultrasound.

"You're annoying," his Ellie smiled and playfully rolled her eyes, kissing his cheek. "And Alex is very gay."

Christian ducked his head in embarrassment, blushing bright red.

***

Not three seconds after Dr. Albright left the room, Christian was clearly on the verge of a breakdown. They were using medical terms he couldn't understand. Talking about his beautiful son. He didn't know what was going on, and he felt so stupid and not good enough. He wasn't good enough for Ellie. He never would be smart enough for her. Oh god she was going to leave him, and he'd be alone.

He wouldn't want to survive.

"Christian? Christian," he could hear her calling his name, but it was muffled, but it pulled him out a bit from the darkness. He could also hear something that sounded like broken sobs... was his Ellie crying? Comfort her, idiot. The voice inside his head snapped harshly and he wrapped his arms around her, trying to talk through the fear gripping his throat.

"You're okay... I'm here... I love you..." he whispered, kissing her temple.

"Christian I'm fine. Are you okay?" she whispered, wiping at his eyes. That's when he realized... the broken sobs were him.

"Is... is he okay? I couldn't... I didn't understand a word he said..." Christian whispered, ashamed of his stupidity.

"Oh, Chris..." she whispered fondly and brought him up closer, holding his head against her chest and kissing the top of it. "I'm sorry. We were using terms that no one else would know... he's okay. He's perfectly fine, baby."

"And you?"

"I'm okay," she smiled, running her hands through his thick hair.

He would live another day with them in his arms.

***

"Christian? I'm 28 weeks today. We should talk about baby names," she smiled. She was feeling closer to him in the six weeks he's been back, even though there was a period where he had a heavy travel schedule and she had a lot of work and they weren't able to talk at all.

"I agree... what do you like?" Christian smiled, gently laying his hand on her belly.

"He's your son, Christian. I want you to choose," she said softly, just so happy that their baby was growing healthily.

"Ummm... I like Briggs? And um... Reilly. I really like Reilly," he smiled a bit, kissing her bump as the baby kicked.

"I think he likes Reilly... Do you want his middle name to be Christian?" she said quietly, knowing that he was more of a traditionalist.

"No. I want you to pick his middle name. We're a family, Ellie. You're so important in all of this," he said softly, so content and happy in his Ellie's arms.

Ever since the breakdown in the doctor's office, Ellie's arms were the only thing keeping him grounded. He needed them, or else he felt like he was floating. He knew he needed help, but he didn't want to remind himself that he ruined his mom, his wife, almost ruined his precious Ellie, and ruined his own mind. He wasn't ready.

"I like Matthew. Reilly Matthew Yelich," she said softly. They'd been talking about hyphenating, but she never wanted that. Yelich was her baby's last name, even if it would never be hers.

"Yelich?" Christian whispered, eyes so happy.

"Yelich," she confirmed, gently pulling him up for a kiss that ended up being much more passionate than the ones they've had since she's been back.

"I love you, Ellie."

"And I love you, Christian," Elizabeth smiled, and she knew.

They'd be okay.