Can't Fall in Love Without You (Christian Yelich)

15

Elizabeth had reached her 80-hour maximum for the week and it was only Thursday, so here she was with nothing to do.

Which was why she was in her kitchen with 5 steaks going at once, asparagus being roasted, and potatoes ready to be mashed. She knew that this was Christian's favorite meal, and she also knew that she wouldn't always be home when Christian got done with games. She also knew that he forgot to eat when he wasn't reminded.

So she was making a few dishes to throw in his freezer for when he had a good game. As she finished putting that meal in tupperware and into her freezer, she realized that she should do the same for bad games and for when he especially missed Sloane.

Hand breaded panko chicken tenders for his bad games. To remind him that baseball was just a game, and that a bad day didn't mean he was bad. To remind him to have fun, just like when he was a kid.

Then she sighed and recalled a memory from not that long ago.

***

"Tell me your favorite thing about her?" Elizabeth asked softly, gently running her fingers through Christian's hair.

"She was a terrible cook. Burned nearly everything... except chicken tetrazzini. It was the only thing her mom taught her to make, and it was delicious... So every time she wanted to surprise me, she'd make it. Now I pass by these apartments and someone is making it... it doesn't make me sad. It reminds me of her, but in only the best ways. Of all the good times."

Christian was going through another really hard day, and immediately broke down in Elizabeth's arms when she came over. It was Sloane's birthday, and it made him miss her more.

"Would it help if I made it? It's one of my favorites, too," she smiled softly, getting up at his nod and making the warm dish.

"Thank you. It helps. I think of the good and it helps drown the pain. To remember her as my happy Sloane, not my dead wife..."

"I'm glad it helps, Christian. Grief is a long and hard process, and it helps to have help."

***

She knew that the next few months were going to be full of painful memories for Christian. Sloane would've found out about Ivy about a year ago today. She knew all the milestones in a pregnancy. She knew that he was going to be in pain, and she also knew she couldn't be there for him through every memory because of their jobs.

So she made two of the biggest damn pans of tetrazzini she could, making the portions a bit bigger than his others. It was comfort food. There was no portion on comfort.

***

"Mister and misses Shaw, your lil man is doing great in there. Measuring big for 20 weeks. And we looked extra long at his heart and found zero signs of HLHS. Kidneys are usually a struggle for males, but his look perfect. Overall, it looks like you two have a very strong and healthy boy in there," Elizabeth smiled at the eternally nervous couple, handing them a copy of the anatomy scan ultrasound.

"Any questions at all?" she asked, helping Lindy wipe her belly off.

"None. You've been so thorough and amazing about this. Thank you so much," Travis smiled, thinking about the list of questions they came armored with, and how she answered every single one of them without prompting.

"Good! We'll probably have you come in every two weeks still, just in case," she smiled.

"Sounds perfect. Are you coming to the game Thursday?" Lindy asked, really hoping to have a friend with her, Erin, and Melissa.

"I think so. Christian really wants Ivy and me to come," she smiled and checked a few things on her chart.

"We can carpool! I'll pick you up," Lindy grinned and gave her a hug on the way out.

Well, at least Elizabeth wouldn't be alone at the game.

***

It was warm for late March, meaning that the roof was open. Elizabeth kept up with the weather, so Ivy had been slathered in sunscreen along with wearing a white floppy hat to keep her protected.

The Brewers were playing the Giants on opening day and, though she had no clue what was going on during the game, the applause for Christian was deafening. Especially when he launched the ball into the scoreboard, punctuated with a loud CLANG.

She could've sworn that he looked right up where Elizabeth was seated, right next to an empty seat. She was convinced that he was just thinking about Sloane when he looked over.

Ivy ended up falling asleep right at the end of the 8th, so Elizabeth decided to head back to Christian's place, sending him a text. The Brewers were up 7-3, anyway.

Hey! Ivy fell asleep so I'm taking her back. We'll wait in your place with dinner! Good game!

***

"Hey, bro! How's lil Christian doing?" Christian asked after their game, seeing the ultrasound hanging up. He was jokingly convinced they were going to name the baby after him, since he was conceived after the World Series, where Christian made the final title-clinching catch.

"He's doing great, man. Elizabeth said there's no sign of HLHS or kidney issues, so that's promising," Travis smiled, changing into a t-shirt and joggers.

"Elizabeth? I didn't know pediatricians did stuff like that," Christian was confused. Their OBGYN was the only one who was at the appointments with Sloane.

"Elizabeth is our OB, Christian. She's not a pediatrician," Travis raised his eyebrow, seeing Christian's face drop.

"I see," he said softly. "I'm gonna head home, Travis. Great game."

His heart was in his throat and he rushed to his car. He needed to get home. He needed to see his baby girl... fuck. Elizabeth was watching her.

He needed to see them both.

***

"Who's sweet like sugar? Who's the cutest lil princess in the world?" Elizabeth grinned at Ivy, the four-month-old baby girl letting out the sweetest belly laugh.

Elizabeth was immediately on alert when Christian slammed the door and took Ivy from her arms, holding the girl close and crying.

"Christian? Is everything okay? What happened?" Elizabeth was immediately concerned, a gentle hand on his back.

"Could you have saved her?" he whispered. He was in so much pain, and Elizabeth could see it. His eyes were red and wet, his breaths were short and shaky, and his voice sounded congested like he'd been crying for an hour.

"What do you mean, Christian?" Elizabeth whispered, grabbing him a mug of tea to help him calm down.

"Sloane. Could you have saved her? Could you have kept my wife from dying in front of me?" he begged, tears starting again.

Travis probably told him, then.

"There was nothing anyone could've done, Christian. Labor and delivery are hard on a woman, and sometimes there are complications. With hemorrhaging, there is no way to detect it. I'm sure that it isn't what you wanted to hear. I know it hurts. I know you miss her deeply. You love her... but no. I couldn't have saved her," Elizabeth said softly, wrapping her arms around Christian as he sobbed, the wounds that had been scabbing over now ripped open and bleeding freely again.

"I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry, Christian," Elizabeth said softly and gently rocked him. She felt terrible. She hurt him so deeply, and that hurt her. This man was the sweetest man she'd ever met and she just ripped open wounds that were starting to heal. "I'm so sorry... I can leave..." she offered, thinking that he couldn't stand to be near her. Convinced that she hurt him.

"No. Please, no," Christian begged, one arm reaching around Elizabeth and holding her against his chest. "Please don't go."

"Okay. I'm here... I won't leave until you want me to," she promised, running her hand down his back.