Way Back To You

Chapter XXXVII

Chapter XXXVII
Beg

I let out a heavy sigh. I looked at my wrist watch as my fingers were busy tapping the table in a slow manner.

"Ma'am, here's your request."

Isinalin ng waiter ang wine sa aking baso.

"Thank you." Tipid akong ngumiti sa kanya.

Pagkaalis niya ay agad kong nilagok ang wine sa baso. Nakatatlo na akong baso ngunit hindi pa rin nito naibsan ang tensyong namumuo sa aking kalooban, whether it's fear or nervousness.

I've been here for an hour now. Sobrang aga sa napag-usapan namin ni ate Nicole. I'm freaking  curious about what she's going to tell me because I have a bad feeling about it. Sana nga ay praning lang talaga ako.

"Good evening! Kanina ka pa?"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay ate Nicole. She was all smiles, her expression was very soft, walang mababakas na pahamak. Maybe I was just really overthinking things too much.

I was too preoccupied na hindi ko namalayan ang pagdating niya. She's in a dress, nagsusumigaw ng pagiging elegante niya while I'm still wearing my corporate attire. Damn! Ni hindi ko man lang naisip mag-ayos ng sarili. I look like a disaster in front of a goddess. Why am I thinking things like this? God bless my judgemental mind.

Tumayo ako, pilit na isinasantabi ang aking mga iniisip.

I smiled at her awkwardly. "Medyo lang ate,"

We ordered and ate our food silently which was very unusual. Dati rati ay hindi siya nauubusan ng topics. The deafening silence reminds me of me and Dominic's last meeting. I hope this dinner doesn't turn like that too. Please lang.

Nagpunas ako ng aking bibig matapos kumain. Whatever she is saying tonight is scaring the shit out of me!

"You're back together, right?" She asked after the long silence.

Natigilan ako. Please, don't...

Dahan-dahan akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko, lahat ng iniisip ko kanina ay tama. That this  is all about Argo and damn it my heart is beating so fast!

Hindi ako nakasagot. Tinitigan ko lamang siya at doon ko napagtantong sa likod ng kanyang make-up at marangyang ayos ay ang pagod at namumugto niyang mga mata. She looks so stressed and tired and I have a bad feeling about it.

Marahan siyang tumango bago bumaling sa akin gamit ang seryoso niyang mga mata. "Via, we both know from the very start that I love Argo dearly. You also knew how crazy I am for him that I could kneel in front of him and ask him to be mine but I'll just end up crying because he's deeply in love with you.."

Napainom ako ng wine. I know where this is heading through.

"Hinayaan ko nalang iyon noong  nagtagal thinking na kung mahal ko siya, hahayaan ko siyang maging masaya sa gusto niya kahit pa sobra-sobrang sakit ang dulot nun sa akin." I felt the pain in her voice and all I could do is to stare at my glass and listen to her.

"Kaya noong iniwan mo siya, galit na galit ako sa iyo. Kasi iyong taong pinapangarap ko, itinapon lang ng taong sobra niyang mahal. I witnessed how he struggled, Via. I was there, comforting him at the most painful part of his life!" Tears rolled down her cheeks at ganoon din ako.

"Tinulungan ko siyang bumangon Via habang abala ka sa pagsasakatuparan ng mga pangarap mo. Nagkakalapit na kami, nagkakamabutihan pero noong bumalik ka, wala, wala lahat. Back to normal, Via, I came back to my usual position as her 'admirer'."

I can feel the anger in her voice but I didn't say anything. I understand if she hates me. She's also a girl and I'll accept all her words.

Pinalis niya ang mga luhang lumandas sa kanyang pisngi at muli akong hinarap, ngayon medyo mas kalmado.

"You know I should be happy right? Because my love is happy again. Hindi nga lang sa akin." Tumawa siya ngunit kasabay noon ang paglandas na naman ng panibagong mga luha sa kanyang pisngi.

"Ate..."

"But then I realized that my love for Argo didn't change for years, Via. And now, I can't stand seeing him happy with someone else."

My heart skipped a beat.

Fuck.

Shit.

Damn.

She reached for my already cold hands.

"Via, I know, I know, this is a desperate move but please..." She looked at me with her sorrowful eyes, ready to do anything. "Ipaubaya mo na si Argo sa akin. I need him, Via. Iba nalang please."

Parang tumigil ang mundo ko. I can't judge her for her love. Everbody loves in different ways. I also do not hate her for saying that, I don't think I can.

Now, this is my turn.

"Ate, I know that you love Argo and I know that you were always on his side when I left him and I owe you a lot for that. But I cannot give you Argo as a payment for it, ate. I love him and I cannot take loosing him again. I'm so sorry."

I won't leave him again. Minsan ko ng nagawa iyon at sobra-sobra kong pinagsisihan iyon. If I learned a lesson from my decisions way back, that is to choose love over dream because you can still pursue it while you're on his side. I will never cause him pain again because all he did is to love me with all his heart.

"What's the matter baby? Hmm?" Malambing na bulong ni Argo sa aking tainga habang nakapulupot ang kanyang braso sa aking baywang.

Pagdating ko sa bahay ay naabutan ko si Argo na naghihintay sa akin sa sala. Hindi ko sinabi sa kanya na nagkita kami ni ate Nicole at wala pa akong balak sabihin ito sa kanya. Hindi pa sa ngayon na sobrang gulo pa ng utak ko.

Nangilid ang luha sa aking mga mata.

"W-wala." Pinilit kong gawing kaswal ang boses ko ngunit nabasag lamang ito.

Ipinaharap niya ako sa kanya kaya yumuko ako upang maitago ko sa kanya ang mukha kong punong-puno ng luha.

"A-are you crying?"

Hindi ako nagsalita at pilit na itinatago ang aking mga munting hikbi.

"Hey..."

Iniangat niya ang aking baba upang magpantay ang aming tingin kaya nag-iwas ako ng tingin.

"Look at me, baby..." Marahan niyang sabi.

Hinanap niya ang aking tingin kaya wala akong nagawa kundi tingnan na rin siya.

"What's wrong?" Malambing niyang tanong, ang mga mata niya'y puno ng takot at pag-aalala.

Umiling ako at pilit na ngumiti. "Nothing,"

Ipinulupot ko ang aking mga kamay sa kanyang baywang, ang aking ulo ay nasa kanyang matigas na dibdib. Napapikit ako sa ginahawang naramdaman ko sa kanyang piling. Makasarili na kung makasarili but I'll never loose him again. This man is my everything.

"I'm just happy." Bulong ko sa kanya.

Unti-unti na rin niyang ipinulupot kanyang mga kamay sa aking baywang. "You're scaring me, baby." Marahan niyang bulong sa aking tainga.

Napangiti ako. Nakakatawa na sa kabila ng lahat ng aking narinig kanina ay nagagawa ko pa ring kiligin sa mga galawan niya.

"I'm sorry, I love you so much, Argo."

He kissed my ear. "I love you so much, too."

Ate Nicole, I can give you everything I have but not him, definitely not. Please understand me. I'm so sorry.