[CLOSED] Techi Short Stories

Hirate Yurina

After a long day at work, She dragged her body back to her apartment and throw her weary body onto the bed. She left her feet that were still covered with her shoes dangling at the foot of her bed as she stares long and hard at the ceiling. 

Her tears start to fall off unknowingly and stained her pillow as she can no longer stop herself from crying anymore. Her attempt to wipe off her tears were futile as they kept on falling and it was on a point of no return as she knew she has finally broken down. 

Thinking back at how much she has gone through, she is unsure why she is still able to stay here and live on for so long. 

What actually is making her stay behind? 

What is she actually living for? 

For what? 

For who?

Is there anything for her to look forward to the next day?

Honestly, she doesn't know and doesn't have an answer to those question above. All she thought of is that, what has she done to deserve all this and why did she have to suffer all of this alone.

Looking at those scratched on her arms, she did not harm herself deliberately. She doesn't dare to harm herself as she doesn't want others to know how she has always been feeling but inflicting injuries on purpose is what she had been doing. She might look shocked when she saw injuries on her body and have been called careless for all those injuries but she just laughs them off and told them that she will be more careful. 

It is in fact, she only felt that she is still alive when she sees those blood steeping out from her wound. She has gotten immune to those hates and judgemental comments and can't feel any more anger and sadness from them anymore. 

Can you say that she wants attention? Maybe... 

Was she depressed? No one knows... Not even herself

She felt like a coward when she wants to cut herself as she was afraid of all the judgement from the others calling her an attention seeker. Every time she wants to just end it, she felt scared and decided that maybe there would be some time to look forward the next day but always to face another disappointment as the next day pass.

Was she living? 

She is alive and breathing but was she living? 

Was she living the life that she wants it to be? 

She envies all those people who are confident of themselves and is overflowing with talent but what does she have to offer?

She wants to be like those people that have best friends that they could talk to each other about almost everything but she was too shy to open up. Why can't she be more confident in herself? Maybe it's not because she is not confident in herself... but she was merely just too useless to offer anything

Tears continue to fall and messages start flooding her group chat as her members start to chatter in the middle of the night.

"Eh? Is she asleep?"

"So early?"

"Maybe?"

"Is she okay today? She seems to be off today..."

"Hey, don't talk about this here... She can read them too, I think she is fine... She will be better when she wakes up"

She knew she has her management, her members and even her family but even though they are all around her, she still felt lonely. She doesn't know who to talk to even if there were so many of them. She was truly afraid of what her life has become and what her mentality has become.

She always questioned herself this

"Maybe they need me..."

"But would it be different if I'm gone?"

"Am I important?"

"What would actually change if I ever leave?"

"Maybe nothing will change..."

She is always overthinking but she has no control over her own thoughts anymore. She wants all these depressing and negative thoughts to stop but they always return within days and she doesn't know how to stay happy anymore. The mask she put over herself is wearing out and people around her are starting to sense that something is wrong with her but she is desperately trying to cover up and hide further from their eyes.

Deciding that it was no use to continue overthinking and her attempts to stop her tears were of no avail, she decided to just try to sleep it off and wait for tomorrow to come. Tears continue to fall as she sobbed in her sleep but it soon stopped after she drifts off to complete darkness. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day she thought... Just maybe...