[Quin]
"Stable naman po 'yung pasyente pero ikinalulungkot ko pong ipaalam na malaki ang posibilidad na hindi na siya makalakad pa." Hindi ko magawang matuwa sa sinabi ng doktor. The possibility that my mom won't be able to walk again dreads me to the core.
It was like I was struck somewhere deep, and I don't know where it is specifically. Ang paninikip ng aking dibdib at ang panginginig ng aking kamay ang tanging napagtanto ko pagkatapos marinig 'yon.
Paano na lang ako? I've always been dependent on her. She cooks for me even though I know because I love her food. She's the best mom and now, it might be impossible for her to take good care of me. I was on that cliff, falling from dependency into a path I know nothing but to be alone.
"Sige po, salamat." Tumango lang ang doktor bago nagpaalam na may aasikasuhin pang ibang pasyente. Napaupo ako sa waiting area at napapikit. Ililipat pa si mom sa isang private room at wala pa rin si Manong Celso kasi kinukuha niya 'yung mga gamit na kakailanganin namin sa bahay. Mga ilang araw din siguro kaming mananatili dito.
Napatitig lang ako sa dingding katapat ng waiting area, mariin na iniisip kung ano na ang mangyayari ngayon.
***
"'Nak, ano 'yang ginagawa mo?" I turned to mom. It's been three days since she regained consciousness, and still, on the bed.
"Tinutupi ko lang ang mga damit ko, mom," I informed her. Although I know why she's stupidly asking me this question even if she definitely aware of what I'm doing.
"Ako na diyan, 'nak. Trabaho ko 'yan, ah?" Uh-oh. As expected.
"Mom, ako na. Kaya ko na, mom. Magpahinga ka lang diyan dahil darating ang physical therapist mo mamaya." She grew silent for a moment.
"Siyanga pala mom, darating din mamaya sina Tito at Tita. Susunduin sila ni Manong Celso sa airport," paalala ko sa kanya. I felt a twinge of pain when I saw hurt in her eyes. There is guilt, overbearing one like she's the one who put herself in this situation.
I'm very sorry, mom. Ginagawa ko lang ang lahat para gumaling kayo.
"Wala na yata akong kwentang ina sa'yo, Quin." I approached her even before she can add some guilt-tripping here.
"No, you're not, mom. You're the best, I assure you." Maluha-luha niya akong niyakap nang mahigpit nang huminto ako sa tabi niya mismo. Seconds later, I heard her sobbing. It's so painful actually, seeing the person you've always looked up to like this. Down. Broken.
"We can get through this, mom. I swear." Sobrang sakit na nga nang mawalan ako ng ama, pati ba naman ang mommy ko? This is a downfall, if she continue being like this, I don't even know how I'll recover and stand up alone.
"Salamat, 'nak," she whispered and I felt relieved. Isang linggo rin akong um-absent and only my teacher knows the reason. I decided to keep it confidential. And it won't be long enough before I submit my drop-out letter to the administration too.
Aalis kami sa lugar na 'to. Kahit saan basta huwag lang dito. Masyadong maraming mga ala-ala si mom dito at ayokong balik-balikan niya ang mga 'yon. She will never be able to recover physically if she's mentally unstable.
Kahit ako rin. Not memories of other insignificant people, but us. Ours.
"So mom, anong gusto mo? Veggies or meat?" I asked her, half smiling. I don't usually smile, but I'm trying my best to do so. I have to show my mom I'm fine. Ayokong mag-alala pa siya.
If she can't be strong for us, then I'll be for us. Kailangan niyang makitang handa akong lumaban kasi kahit hindi naman niya sabihin, she worries about me more than herself.
BINABASA MO ANG
A Crossroad ✔
RomanceQuindal Angelo is uptight, too focused on her dreams and selfish preferences. She's the epitome of a woman who won't need a man for the rest of her life. Like, why would she? She hates complications. But, not until the handsome- ahem ahem, the dro...
