A Crossroad ✔

Chapter 49: Acid Rain

[Quin]

"Am I gonna die sooner?" Pinilit kong patatagin ang boses ko habang tinatanong siya kahit sa totoo lang, nanginginig na ang aking kalamnan sa sakit at takot. Takot na paparating na ang katapusan habang hindi pa ako handang harapin 'yon.

She became silent as her eyes locked on mine. Wala pa siyang sinasabi pero alam ko na. Alam ko na.

"It... It would've been better if it didn't spread anywhere aside from your eye. You could've had greater possibility of survival," the doctor explained. I bit my lower lip so hard I know it is bruiswd already.

"A-Ano'ng... Ano'ng ibig niyong sabihin?" My mom's broken voice dragged me straight in hell. My chest felt so tight from the fact alone that my mom! My mom will be so problematic and.. And sad because of her own daughter's irresponsibility!

"It's already a miracle that you can still see right up to this moment, Quin. For now, we have to take good care of your eyes and your liver. We will do everything we can to ensure you'll live longer, Quin." She turned to mom with sad eyes.

"Mrs. Angelo, you're a good friend that's why I don't want yo hurt you but I don't want to lie either. Your daughter's life is already halfway to the end. She can die. Recovery... is gravely impossible." Recovery, huh?

"You very well know there is no known cure for her disease," she continued and I felt more scared than I have ever been today, or even the last weeks of intense stomach pain.

My mom turned to me with tears in her eyes. I have mine too, unshed. "Your deceased father lived longer maybe because it's God's will. I can't assure you any miracle but we will use every resources we have at our sleeves to prolong your daughter's life."

Walang gamot sa sakit ko. Walang pag-asang mabubuhay pa ako nang matagal! Kung mayro'n man, 'di ko alam kung para ba 'yon sa'kin... at kung hanggang kailan.

I  so damn scared, God!

Kung kailan may mas malaking rason na ako para mabuhay, saka pa 'to mangyayari. I have all the reasons to exist with people! I have... I have my mom and... And the job. My career, and Raven! I even have to see my dad first and beg for forgiveness!

For being stubborn, for being cruel! For not being a good daughter to him!

"Habang maaga pa, mas karapat-dapat na lumuwas kayo sa States. Ire-refer ko kayo sa isang specialized na ospital do'n upang mas matutukan ang sakit mo, hija." She fervently tapped the wooden table.

"We have to do that before this month ends. Sa ngayon, kailangan naming i-monitor ang kalagayan mo. We have to confine you."

Ospital sa labas ng bansa? Confine? Admission? Gamutan? Para saan?

"Doc, I have a question..." Mas lalong namuo ang luha sa mga mata ko habang mahigpit pa ring nakakapit sa kamay ni mom. I can't believe I'm almost crying in front of them!

"Mamamatay pa rin ako, hindi ba?" I asked, ragged breathing and my senses so alert from any possible indirect responses. Natigilan siya at napaiwas ng tingin.

"I cannot say—"

"Please tell me... Am I still gonna die?" I insisted. I don't need any maybe or hopes, alright! I need a yes or a no! I need a nod or a shaking of head! Not anything in between because damn... I don't know anymore!

"Yes, hija. B-But it depends. You can live longer if you—" I motioned her to stop talking. I can't take it anymore. Not anything. I am so fed up and I am tired from stopping myself from crying.

"Gano'n naman pala... Can't I stay?" There was horror in the doctor's face as soon as she heard me.

"What?! No, Quin. Kailangan mong magamot dahil hanggang dalawa o siyam na buwan na lang ang itatagal mo kapag hindi ka maaagapan kaagad!" She sounded alarmed and I don't understand why she's being like this. Inaasahan ko na rin ang isasagot niya pero umiling ako.