A Crossroad ✔

Chapter 16: Uptight

[Quin]

"Let me go, I said." All I can do was bit my lower lip in frustration all the while he held me. Kahit nakarating na kami sa rooftop ay hindi pa rin niya ako binibitawan, his hand stayed tightly gripping my wrist like he has no plans of letting go.

This heartless man who loves torturing me must be really out of his mind for wasting his time to someone like me. Hindi ba at dapat busy siya?

It was only three days and he had a gunshot wound for crying out loud so why is he here again? Pulling the same woman he was with and the woman who will rather root in hell that by his side!

"What if I won't?" he asked seriously, his tone challenging that all I want to do at the moment is give it up. If you won't, then it'll be the end of me! Pero nunkang sasabihin ko 'yan sa kan'ya?

What kind of lucky brute is he and why is he so damn lucky?

"I don't care if you won't. I am not serving anybody, so no one can dictate me, mister. Know your place." It was heartless but I had been used to that, aren't I? Kaya bakit nakaramdam ako ng pagsisisi sa sinabi ko nang makitang dumaan ang sakit sa mga mata niya?

Agad ko ring iniwas ang tingin. No, I shouldn't be guilty.

Celebrities are good actors. Posibleng pinaglalaruan lang niya ang emosiyon ko. At hindi ako ipinanganak na uto-uto para maniwala kaagad sa mga padali ng mga katulad niya. The last time I did, I was in a dark room alone with him and guns pointed at me.

What worse could happen the second time I will let him?

"Am I a nuisance to you?" Hindi na ako nagtangkang tumingin sa mga mata niya. His voice was that of a child at the moment, begging for something far off...

"Yes, you are." Parang may mabigat na batong nakaharang sa lalamunan ko habang sinasabi 'yon. Why am I being like this for God's sake?

Bakit kailangan ko 'tong maramdaman sa katulad niya? Noon, wala naman akong pakialam. I never thought about the future. I never thought about loving someone, more like being married too. Pero ngayong nakilala ko siya, alam ko na kung saan ako patungo.

Mabigat sa damdamin, pero kung papipiliin man ako lalo na at kahahantungan ko pa rin ang magkagusto sa isang lalaki, anyone can do but just not him.

"Do you want me to leave?" Buong tapang kong sinalubong ang mga mata niyang kanina pa nagpapahirap sa'kin. I can only make him stop if I look straight at him whole proving my point.

I can clearly remember how he wanted me to look at his eyes while answering his question. He thinks honesty lies in the eyes. He thinks being able to look straight while saying something can mean it is true. Gano'n ba talaga ka kasanay, Raven?

"Answer me. Do you want me to leave?" Bahagyang lumuwag 'yung pagkahahawak niya sa aking kamay kaya ginawa ko na ang bagay na dapat ay kanina ko pa ginawa.

"Alam mo na ang sagot," I said as I pulled my hand back. It was another heartless stunt but at least I can breathe lighter now. Wala akong patutunguhan. Naninikip ang dibdib ko kapag kasama ko siya, naninikip din kapag wala siya.

Pero mas pipiliin ko ang huli. I rather suffer this churning feeling than live a life I am not sure I can live. Raven is not the man for someone like me. Hindi siya ang kailangan ko. Hindi ang katulad niya.

"I want a specific answer, Quin." His voice was shrouded like a metal. It felt broken and frail but no! He can't trick me!

I felt myself sigh. Hindi ko alam kung para saan ang buntong-hiningang 'yon.

"What's the point?" I took step backwards. As far as possible, our distance must be broad. I have to be the farthest away from him and so is he.

"Quindal Angelo, do you want me to leave?" I felt very weird when I heard him say my complete name. Napakaseryoso lang ng kan'yang mga matang nakatuon sa akin, hopeful of answers. Answers that I will never give him.