My Heart Hates Me

Chapter 6 A Death So Bad

Kirito was going down, into the depth and looking above. He could see a depressing yellow tint in the water, he couldn't hear anything. He opened his mouth as he decided to clench on the ropes of his brain but there was nothing but water.

His head was throbbing-- Ready to explode. He could see a faint memory of his childhood present before him. A near-death drowning experience he had managed to escape was coming to haunt him again. But just like that time, he could see a saviour coming towards him.

Though it wasn't a blonde head.

The next thing he remembered was coughing his lungs beside the little pool of his. Vivian was sitting beside him, dressed in a her undergarments.

After he felt more comfortable and was back to his senses, he noticed her attire.
"What are you wearing?" Kirito looked at her.
"Mom said I can show you my skin since you're my husband." Vivian winked.

"Aren't you embarrassed at all?"
"You don't like me anyways so--"
Kirito pushed her down and got on top of her "Doesn't mean I'm not a man. I can violate you this very moment."

"I feel kind of guilty" Vivian blushed slightly.
"And why is that?"
'Because I want you to... violate me.' She thought.
"Nevermind."

He moved away and decided to do something more productive; for instance-- changing clothes.
"Hiomi, are you scared of water?" Vivian asked all of a sudden.

"Why do you think that?"
"Because, when you were drowing, you seemed as if you've gone through that before too."
"I'm not scared of anything--" Vivian interrupted him as she brushed his hair.
"You don't have to say your mind."
"I am not," He slapped her hand and walked towards the door if the bathroom.

"You should stop. I'll say it again. You and I-- we don't click."
"You know, real feelings don't just magically fade away."
"Then make them magically fade away because they are bothersome."
"Feelings?"
"Feelings."

He walked out of the bathroom. She ran after him "Why do you think that?"
"Because I need to feel nothing."
"But why?"
"Listen," He turned towards her "Can you stop bothering me? You're fucking annoying-- Always asking questions! Are you so curious about everything?!"
"No. I'm only curious about you."

"Then kill yourself with that curiosity and serve that drink of death to me next." He walked away mid conversation because he was done but Vivian was not. Because in his eyes-- She had seen pain.

Into him, she had seen someone else.
And she didn't know who it was.
But she wanted to know him, to touch him, love him.

So she walked towards him and sat beside him, on the bed. She didn't say anything but her presence was an assurance than she would listen.
"So, you won't leave me alone?" Kirito stated the obvious.
"I can't. That's just how I am."
"What do you want?"
"I want to know you. Something happened in the past right?"

"It isn't so complicated as you're thinking it is. I was a high school student at that time. One day, I wanted to be alone so I went out for a walk by the lake. It was covered with cherry flower petals.

I was walking beside the lake at night, looking at the cherry blossoms and somebody pushed me. It was dark-- I couldn't see their face and I went straight into that lake. I couldn't breathe and felt like all the water was going inside my lungs. I felt like I was gonna die. It felt as if someone was pulling me down into the dark.

The more I struggled to break, the stronger they pulled. When I finally got tired, my vision got blurry and I saw a white light coming towards me.
When I opened my eyes, I was back on the ground. My head was still muffled and my vision was hazy. I felt light-headed and about to pass out anytime.