My Heart Hates Me

Chapter 47 Don't Leave Me Hanging

"Ethan! Ina is back!" Ethan's mother said as she got inside that tin box shelter. Her brother or Ethan's father sat on the cot inside the room. She stood before him and looked under the cot.

"He's sleeping" Ruso-- as what the people called him, said.
"Okay" She said and went towards the stove. "Did you eat?" She asked as she poured some water into a glass "Yeah about that, you haven't been cooking very well"

She froze and turned towards him. He sat before her and touched her face. "Your husband needs good food to function, doesn't he?" He said.

She nodded. "And our son needs good food too. So earn more money, work harder, steal or beg-- I don't care. I just want the results" He said and grabbed her wrist.

"You have been slacking off lately" He said as he twisted her little finger. She groaned with pain but he covered her mouth "Shut up. Do you wake up our son?" He said and broke her finger.

Tears left her eyes but no voice left her throat. He smiled at her "Good that you understand. You know, right? I love you very much, Parhi. Now stop crying and smile for me"

She quickly wiped her tears and smiled at him. "That's it. You look better when you smile. You must be tired. You should rest" He said and she got up.

As the dawn hit the slums, and the music in the pink, glowing streets dried down, Ruso was gone. Parhi got up and tore a piece of cloth from the blankets. She wrapped it around her swollen finger and covered her mouth while crying in pain.

"Ina..." Ethan said from beneath the cot. She quickly wiped her tears "Oh. Did you sleep well, Ethan?" She asked with a smile. He got up and lay on the cot beside her.

"Is tatay gone?" He asked as he muffled his face into his mother's arms. "Yes, he just left. You must be hungry, right?"

"No" Ethan said.

"Why don't you play with Tik? Ina will do the cleaning" She said as she pressed her hand on his head "I don't want to play" He said.

"Did you both fight?" She asked.
"OI! Ethan! Let's go on garbage hunt!" Tik called out from outside.
"See, he's here."

"Ina..." He said "They say it's weird, for siblings to be married"
"... There were some things that happened and that's why I couldn't marry anyone else except your father" She said.

"You don't have any wedding picture though" He said.
"Well, we just live together. We aren't really married. You need money for that."

"When I grow up, I'll take you far away from him. We'll live far away and have our own fields. We'll grow and eat it. Sell some to get seeds for the next harvest. Where everything with be good"

"Oh Ethan" She said as she pressed his head "I wish that comes true. But you see, ina can't come with you" She said "I have raised this monster so I'll go down with him"

"I won't leave you here." Ethan said while she looked at his ears and his trimmed bangs. "What's this. Did someone cut your hair--" She suddenly saw the implants.

She quietly squeezed him "Ethan, you need to leave this place. The sooner the better"
"I can just go with the flow-"

"Only dead fish go with the flow. You aren't dead, you still got blood in your heart"

"I was usually quiet after that" Ethan said as Vivian sat beside him. "The implants were strongly drugged. I didn't feel hungry anymore and I didn't felt like playing either. I just used to lie on garbage dumps all day. I couldn't express my emotions anymore. I tried but I couldn't.

Even smiling was hard. I turned emotionless. And because I turned emotionless, I got anxious-- "Am I going to stay this way forever?"-- is what bothered me the most.