My Heart Hates Me

Chapter 57 I Guess That We Should Say Sorry

Fate walked towards Lucus with her Grecabulum in her hands as he stood on a road in Romania, looking at a dying cat "She has forgotten that she is an angel" Lucus looked at Vivian's Antabulam.
"In that matter, she's just like you" Fate said. Lucus looked at her as she sat beside him.
"I thought of them today, it pissed me off," Fate said "We are mere spectators. You shouldn't interfere anymore, Death"

"Can't we prevent this?" He asked.
"That's for her to decide. Shall mortals decide which blue gate they'll take? Either that blue will calm them like the ocean or drown them like their fate"
"Ocean... No matter harmless or calm it seems, it can kill somebody" Lucus said "It hurts like hell to see her hurt"

"Well, she is like rolling stone mediating between her two lives. But, a rolling stone gathers no moss,"
"Yes. But it certainly gains a certain polish,"
"I don't know what to say..." She looked at the cat.

"Everything is messing up. I can't help but not interfere--"
"The key will break if you interfere with humans one more time. You can't manipulate things further. I won't let you"

"I know. Fate, why are you so heartless? Something inside hates me-- Is this how Vivian feels?"
She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes and exhaled as she slowly opened them.
"You do share the same heart afterall."

It began raining down. The roads were empty. Ethan was returning back home from that foggy night. His vision turned hazy and he stopped the car. He pressed his forehead. The alcohol seemed to be taking over and he felt it was gonna come out as the worst panic attack.

'Why am I suffering so much now? I shouldn't be here. I should never have been here. I don't belong here. I will end it here' Ethan thought and opened the drawer. He took a gun from it and kept it on his head.

"You can't give up yet"

"Can I give you now?" He was ready to pull the trigger when suddenly someone knocked at his window. He kept the gun back into the drawer and pulled down the glass. It was Maya. "Oh my God! I'm so lucky!" She shamelessly got into the car. She wore a red one-piece which was wet in the rain.
"What are you doing here so late at night?" He asked.

"My car broke down while I was returning home from a party so I just decided to walk. Then it started raining and luckily I found my handsome boss on my way. I mean-- nobody could be luckier than me. I'm--"

"Fine fine. Where do you live?"
"Where do you live?"
"That isn't the answer to my question"
"Let's go to your place!"
"Okay. Get down from my car."

"Jeez! Fine! Anyways, I know where you live- I asked Ms Sora. Aren't you on a medical leave, though?" Ethan felt a strong heartburn and got down from his car. He puked out all the beer he had drunk. He was completely drenched in the rain and felt sleepy.

"Prez- chan, are you alive?" Maya asked as she looked out of the car and Ethan fell on the ground. She got down from the car "You really do need a medical leave"

Vivian sat on the sofa, looking at the rain outside. She had an expressionless face. Ethan's face appeared before her eyes again and again. She was thinking about a lot of things. About the times they were together-- She was so much more happier. Now, she achieved her dream but she wasn't happy. She wanted to go back but it seemed impossible now.

"Everything is so... difficult. It hurts to breathe." She said to herself as tears slowly formed a thick layer over her cornea. "I've hurt the person who loved me-- And now it feels like I can never be happy again. I guess that we should say we're sorry."

She picked up her notepad and began writing something in it. Soon, Sejok entered the room. She looked at him and bowed.

"Should I refresh the contract, Vivian?" Sejok asked as Vivian sat on sofa, writing the lyrics of a new song. "I don't know"
"It's okay. You can think about it. Though, I say you better not waste your talent... New song, eh?" He asked as he looked into the paper. "When will it be done?" He asked.

She kept the notepad aside. She reached the window plane and touched the glass. "Sejok, I feel so unsure as I sing now. Where am I going? I was in such a hurry to reach that I forgot where I was going. Eth- Kirito is--Did you look at him? He was so thin, I was so scared when I saw him. This isn't what I wanted. I didn't marry him for the money and fame, I married him for him. I thought I was different from all the other women he ever met.

But you know what, I was wrong. I too left him for money and fame"

"You left him to follow your dreams, Vivian--"
"No, I can't lie to myself anymore. Follow my dreams? I could've done that online on small platforms if that was my only aim. But it wasn't. I grew so desperate that I left the person I lived for. I changed in the worst way and like all other women he ever met, I only hurt him. I couldn't reach him. I couldn't be selfless. He was ready to give up everything for me and still I pushed him away for him to turn this way. How could I ever ask for an apology?" She pressed her head on the windowpane.

"It took me so long to realise that minutes worth more than money. If this is freedom then I am happy being tied down."
Sejok reached towards her and pressed her shoulders "If he really loves you as much as you say, he will be forgiving."
"I have to go."

"In this rain--"
"He needs me," She walked out of the room. He held her hand "If you leave today, I fear you might never be able to come back here."

"What I've experienced today when I saw my love was not fear... it was terror. And I never want to feel that way ever again!" She pulled her hand away "You sold away my voice, my talent, my time, my family, my everything and gave me money in return. But money, couldn't give me back what I lost" He stared at her as she got inside her car. She drove as fast as she could and reached her old home. That apartment felt so nostalgic. She looked at the door and realised--

That it was still the same password.

She smiled and walked inside-- Ready for the worst. When she opened the door, she saw the room was filled with bottles of beer and whiskey. There were so many soda bottles lying everywhere that she could barely see the floor. She turned towards the bedroom and saw him-- lying half-naked with some other woman.

- To be continued

My Heart Hates Me
Because I Love You