My Heart Hates Me

Chapter 61 Really Bad

Maya mixed something in the beer bottles and kept them inside the fridge. She left for work after that. After some time, Ethan got up and looked around "Oh, I slept." He looked at the time. It was evening. He moved towards the fridge and opened it "Beer? I thought she threw it. Well," He took a can and drank some of it.

He threw up immediately "Gross!" He threw it in the dustbin and tried another can. He threw up again. Then, he tried another and then another. He finally gave up and slept back.

Vivian kept the piece of paper inside an envelope and pressed the stamp on it. Sejok pressed the horn.
"Hurry up, Vivian!"
She took a deep breath and kissed the envelope. She posted it on her way to the party. They got down on the red carpet. Every celebrity she knew was there. The paparazzis surrounded her and camera flashes followed up. Other celebrities began whispering among themselves.

Maya looked over from the crowd and saw Vivian surrounded by the paparazzis and news reporters. The body guards surrounded her as they pushed her fans away. She looked around herself. It was all such a chaos, people were fighting to reach her. They would push and scratch. She moved a step back but there where people behind her too.

Their shadows suddenly appeared bigger. She felt cold hands touching her and she shouted. Everyone became quiet all of a sudden.

"Don't touch me!" She shouted "You creeps!" They all just stared at her as if struck by lightening.
"I'm human too, okay? Give me a break all of you."
"You chose to be famous." Someone in the crowd shouted and all of them started speaking.

"One day," Vivian finally spoke up and everyone became quiet again "When I won't be able to sing, none of you would be around. I'm not a cash machine! I didn't wanted this! I never wished for it then why did I get it?!"

Maya looked at her with the rest of the dumbstruck crowd. The usually happy and smiling Vivian was suddenly so rude and such a handful. Sejok came towards her and grabbed her arms.

"Vivian--"
"I said don't touch me!" She pushed him away "You're just like them! You people have no heart! I have seen it-- I worked and worked and worked! I'm left with no other hobby but sing and that isn't a hobby anymore either!

I sing not because I want to but because I have to-- That's not how it works! Somehow it's not about just singing anymore. I'm a singer not a model or a "way-of-life'. I'm here to make music, nothing else. I'm not going to cure your depression or become a girlfriend or a God-- All I need is my voice. But no-- Everyone wants the full package!

You should sing and dance and be pretty and have a nice personality and be happy and must have other talents-- Like what? Am I a muse of perfection? What do you want-- Chose one of these.

Let's be real, the people who are judging don't even have one fourth of these characteristics. They just sit around and create a persona of how this particular person should be or look like and when you try to meet that persona-- You're suddenly fake.

If I don't change then I'm imperfect and if I do change then I'm fake. Millions of people love me, huh? They love who they perceive me to be-- They don't love me-- They love the image I present to them. I'll tell you people what they do to so many poor and young souls out there.

People fight their families to achieve their dreams-- They fight their competitors, they fight their insecurities and incapabilities, their spirit and when they finally are on the stage-- They fight the world, the expectations, the pressure, the haters. We chose to be popular-- That doesn't make us less human. Or if you chose a job and are treated like shit-- Is it because you chose that job or because they are jealous-- That they can't be you.