He's My Secret (edited-ish)

19

I quickly moved up from him, but to my dismay when he sat up he was right in front of me again.

We said nothing but his eyes were saying a lot to me.

I watched as he slowly moved forward and I didn't even make an effort to stop him.

He continued to look in my eyes as he moved until he was close enough, he slightly tilted his head and closed his eyes.

We were now almost an inch apart and that's when I closed my eyes. I honestly didn't know what I was doing, most of it was just instinct or what I've seen in movies or heard people talk about.

I could now feel his breath on my skin followed by his hand placed under my chin, tilting my head slightly up towards him.

There was no going back now, I mean should I move my head away from him?, I've never kissed anyone before and this isn't one of those things people teach you but more of a watch and learn situation or pure instincts.

Finally, I felt his lips on mine. It was more of a long peck, and to be completely honest I wanted to kiss him back I really did but my mind wasn't working right.

My brain seemed to have automatically hit an off switch.

So there I was feeling soft tender lips against mine that caused me to feel numb, frozen and giddy all at once and I couldn't even move my lips. It was like I was in shock no scratch that I was definitely in shock.

I have planed my first kiss so many times before, I've thought about all the things I would do when I finally got my first kiss and yet here I was with a blank mind, a stiff body and a heart that was probably beating at the speed of light.

"Amanda are you ok? did you fall," Alissa asked sounding panicked.
"It sounded like you hugged the floor, I'm coming in " She stated.

"No!." I shouted quickly as I pushed Terrance away from me, causing him to fall back onto the pile of clothes.

For a moment I had totally forgotten why I was up here in the first place.

I stood up quickly and staggered over to the closest door that was half-opened. I walked out and closed it quickly just in time as Alissa entered my room.

"Your acting a little weirder than normal." She stated as she looked around my room with her hands on her hips.

"Did you find it?" She asked
"N-No," I replied as calmly as I could. My breathing was kind of heavy, my lips were tingling and my body had chills as I thought about that boy that was in my closet.

"Where could it be?." She asked as she looked around my room for it. But I didn't move away from the closet door as she looked around.

"Let's check where the pile of magazines is in the living room," I suggested hopefully.

"Your right." She said as she snapped her finger as if recalling something.

"Come on." She said as she grabbed one of my hands and lead me back downstairs.

If only she knew how much I wanted her to leave, as much as how cruel that sounded it was true.

I didn't even know why I didn't tell Alexis about Terrance. Somehow I felt like he was a secret like no one should find out about me and him.

He was a secret, he's my secret, I thought. I already had ideas of some of the consequences if he was to not be a secret. I can't have any risks of my parents finding out and even though Alissa is my best friend she tends to over talk at times.

After a while of looking, we finally found the book and Alissa were about to leave.

"I hope you come back to school soon." She stated as she hugged me,

"School doesn't seem right without you," she smiled as she released me.

"Plus it's our last year in high school together. I intend on spending most if not all my days with you." She said honestly, the sound of sadness was almost laced into her voice but she quickly replaced it with a sly smile and walked out.

"Bye," I yelled over at her and waved as she got into her car.

I quickly closed the door as she drove off and literally ran up the steps.

I entered my room and opened the closet door but it was empty. I closed back the door and that's when I saw a note.

' I'm sorry for what I did, expectations aren't always reality I guess.'

What!!!!, my mind screamed. My heart literally had a dropping feeling when I read his note and felt as if it stopped beating for a second.
I looked over at his widow as it closed shut.

He was sorry for the kiss, at least he apologized. Maybe not face to face like a man but it was still kind of an apology, but the sad part was that I wasn't sorry that he kissed me, not even a little bit. No regrets at all.

I walked over to my window and stared over at his closed window then closed mine, what was I supposed to do now?, why couldn't he of just stayed until I had returned?

I sadly walked over to my bed and got in, very soon after I allowed my thoughts to consume me. What was I suppose to do now?, should go straight over to his house and confess, should I call Alissa and ask for advice? This was so complicated.

The only thing I was sorry for was that I didn't at least try to kiss him back. I had certainly not expected my first kiss to be one-sided. Or maybe this didn't count, but it didn't matter because he was sorry. Maybe he even regretted kissing me.

All these feelings of rejection were unusual, sad, new and weird. I hated it! Yet loved it in a weird way.

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I wanted to make the kissing scene on pg 20, but this is for y'all