Rose Red

"Spit it out"

I watch as his face changes from serious to amusement. "Spit it out bella" I squeeze my eyes shut and suck in a sharp breath. He brings a hand to my waist and I open them. He goes to open his mouth but I quickly yell. "I'm hungry!" His mouth hangs open and he gives me a confused look.

"What?"

I look down. "I'm hungry and I didn't want to tell you because I knew you would make fun of me" I hear him let out a chuckle so I look up at him. He quickly changes to a serious face but I can tell he's struggling not to laugh. I pout and hop down from the counter. I'm not hungry anymore. I walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room. When I get there I hear him laughing. I pout even further and climb into bed. It's only 6:50 but I don't want to be awake anymore. I haven't been sleeping lately and I have no idea why. Even before we moved I couldn't sleep.

Just as I feel myself finally falling asleep I hear a knock on my door. I don't wanna get up but what if auggie needs help or he can't sleep or he had a nightmare? I quickly make my way to the door and see him standing there. I cock my head to the side and look at him.

Nothing is wrong. He looks fine.

"Do you wanna watch a movie?" I feel my shoulders slump and I try to hide my disappointment but I don't think I'm doing a very good job. "No august. I'm kinda tired" He looks taken back for a second before taking a step back and nodding his head. I nod back and give him a half smile. I go to close the door when I hear him speak. "Hey, I'm sorry about earlier....in the kitchen" I simply nod my head again and close the door. I don't even care about earlier. He did exactly what I expected him to do. There was no surprise, I was just a little sad in the moment. It doesn't matter anymore.

That's what I keep telling myself as I'm drifting off.

It doesn't matter. It never did. And it never will.

As I'm finally falling asleep the only thing swirling in my head is am I still talking about him laughing or is this something more? But what? Everything else is fine....isn't it?
-
I slowly sit up and look around. Same old room. Today is our two months of living together and we have yet to actually decorate our rooms. It's not like we don't have the time. We do. We just haven't done it. No reason in particular. I simply don't remember it until bed time and I'm looking around my room and I honestly don't think he cares. He's quite alright with plain white walls and his plain black bed. However, I can no longer except the fact that the only thing differentiating my room from his is our blankets and my cactus. If we washed our blankets at the same time and I moved the cactus our rooms would be the same. The exact same and I don't like that. We also have yet to do anything with the guest rooms.

I quickly make my way to August's room and walk right in. Me and him very quickly forgot how to knock and most of the time our doors are open. "August we need to go to the store. This isn't a home. It's not homey" I keep going on but when I see his face I stop. "What?" He simply shakes his head.

"I knew from the way you walked in that you wanted to go somewhere. Get dressed. I'll drive" I smile at him and skip back to my room. He knows me so well. Like too well. Of course I know him too but something tells me that I know exactly what he wants me to know and nothing more. Something tells me he keeps things from me all of the time but then I remind myself that if he doesn't want me to know then it's probably for the best. Usually that works but sometimes I have to tell myself that if he doesn't tell me then it's none of my business. I quickly realize that I'm just standing in front of the closet thinking so I push it open and start looking for an outfit. I pulled on a checkerboard crop top and skort set.

Then I pulled on the strappy black espadrilles auggie showed me.

I look at myself in the mirror and immediately started doubting my outfit. "Auggie!" I hear him yell back a yes so I start speaking. "Should I dress more casually?!" He comes into my room and looks me up and down. "No. Why?"

I sigh and say, "I only wear dresses and skirts. Even when I wear shorts it's fancier than most girls" He shakes his head at me. "Your outfits are cute and they are you. It's the way you are. You literally dress the way your mind works. If that makes any sense" And it does. My mind wears more heels but she definitely wouldn't like if I started wearing sweatpants and jeans all the time. I don't even own that many pairs of jeans. I just don't really like pants and neither does she. I nod my head at him and tell him I'm ready.