2. A Definitive (Poetry)

-Thirty Three-

Nonchalant In My Angst: 

(Inspired by the angst of Mal Blums' 'I Got Drunk' and 'Better Go')

When you sigh at the party you mask it with a yawn 

When he doesn't reply, you pretend you weren't even interested in that guy 

When you feel foggy eyed you blame it on the weather, on the sky

When you lean against walls in the dark you say you're just resting your eyes 

Instead of blaming it on your angst 

You blame it on the world you mistake 

For a can of JD and a bottle of coke 

Crush the feeling of self doubt with your own choke hold 

And twiddle your toes on the sidewalk in your ripped blue jeans 

With boots a size too small in a town you've always seen

And don't go overthinking because that's what you always do 

And brooding isn't an expression that goes well with you 

When you skin your knee on the sidewalk blame it on the concrete 

When you sniffle your snotty nose, act the creep

Because at least if you accept the fact of your weirdness then

You can sigh sea deep into the feeling of never again

Being the girl with the brown hair and the mystery 

When deep down you know you're the clowning mess that he 

Kissed on the forehead and said 'let's be friends'

Because no guy wants to fall in love with the girl who's jokes never end 

No one wants to have a tragedy with the class clown

So sigh at the party and mask it with a yawn

Because the goofball doesn't get a chance to don

A frown

Sigh at your nonchalance over your angst on the steps to that house 

Always darting under foot, in the way, way of the mouse

And maybe you'll drag yourself home at some point 

And keep your headphones in and roll a joint 

And hang your feet out the window and lay on the floor

Because no one wants a tragedy with a girl who could never give more 

When you ash on yourself pretend it doesn't burn

When you go doodling on your hands with pen act like you'll never learn

You can take the girl out of high school but you'll never take the high school out of the girl

Slap your cap on your head and forget to brush your hair

And blame it on your crooked teeth and grin when people stare

Because they'll laugh back and clap you on the shoulder

No gentle touches for the girl who's jokes never end 

Only brutish yelling in circles and drinking until I send

Myself into another dimension where I can pretend

Maybe I wouldn't have to be so nonchalant about my angst

If angst looked pretty on a girl who can't put down the pen

From scribbling jokes on the public bathroom stall walls 

Maybe just once in this other dimension

I could be a girl who gets to fall

For the guy who usually picks the pretty beach babes

Maybe she'll get the guy

But then I come to and my head's thumping again

All I have from my night is a hangover in bed

~J.K.M.