2. A Definitive (Poetry)

-Fifty Six-

"Bad Days Come Back, Whatever":

Bent on my hearts fascination with breaking itself 

With tearing its way through skin

Maybe if I dig my nails in tight enough to my sides 

I can pull

Myself back together.

Like I can fit all the pieces back in the places they were meant

Fragile broken shards of things I can't forget.

Always back to you, like my hearts fascination on breaking itself.

I try to throw it at something else that moves but it never did land.

It always came back, torn up anew from the fact I can't understand

Why it never works when everyone else around me seems to be so madly in love

When you have been the only fucking person to hug

All my pieces back together in their right spots

And when you left I think they remained out of focus until I forgot. 

Distance and fate, my old fickle friends

Forever teasing me from my youth, memories that play on repeat with no end

Why the fuck, did fate tether me along such as that

To teach me a lesson I can never have?

I don't understand.

All I know is I'm numb again simply from old scars that bled on through

Grey skies coloured in different darker hues

Closing in like suffocation, will I let it swallow me whole?

How will I choose the destruction on my weakest parts this time?

I wish you were fucking here.

I wish I was anywhere but in the midst of fear

Of fearing I'll never feel whole like that again, on my own

I'm not afraid of my solitude but I'm afraid of no call

Of radio silence static on your end, maybe I'm losing it again. 

I just wish you were fucking here. 

Because bad days come back but it's whatever,

Hell bent on a numb fascination I'll use to tether

My shallow heart to something a little more stable

Drop it on the ground again until it's labelled 

Unredeemable.

I don't think I want it to be redeemable if no one but you can fucking hold it. 

I don't understand. 

~J.K.M.