Save Me

27. Guilty

It was time to finally look the truth in the face. In order to survive, Molly and Negan would have to face their guilt but its difficult when neither one feels guilty.

I didn't sleep a wink that night, I tossed and turned thinking about what I did.

The guilt was eating me up and soon there would be nothing left of me.

I sighed at my restless state and got out of bed, it was 4:00am.

The sun would be rising in a couple hours and when it did, I would confess all.

Even if they threw me into that cell for the rest of my days, I didn't care.

They had to know because I felt like a fraud, an imposter.

I pulled on my jeans and boots and changed my shirt.

It wasn't as hot today so I pulled on my leather jacket and grabbed my knives and gun, slotting them into their holsters ready for what the day would have in store.

I must have gotten lost in my thoughts and paced around the room for hours because the sun was now rising and I heard people moving about downstairs.

Rick and Michonne's room was just down the hall from mine and I paced back and forth many times before I knocked on their door.

But, just as I marched up to the door for the last time, Rick swung the door wide open and got a shock as I stood in the doorway.

'Molly?' he said tucking in his shirt.

I smiled slightly, 'uh, Rick. I need to talk to you' I said looking anywhere but his face.

He just nodded, 'alright' and looked sceptical.

I asked him to follow me and we walked down to the barn.

'In here?' he asked.

'Uh huh' I said nervously as I ushered him to sit on a hay bail with me.

I look a deep breath and interlocked my hands to steady myself.

He was worried now, 'everything okay Moll?' he said resting his chin on his knuckle.

'You know me, you're my family and you know that I would never do anything to betray you or the others. But, I didn't tell you everything about what happened at the Sanctuary...' I said, trailing off quietly at the end.

Rick was intrigued now, but remained silent.

'I need to tell you this because it's killing me, everyday. Hiding this from the people I love because I know that when I do...tell you, you will hate me. But I have to do it' I said, my voice shaking and my eyes going cloudy with tears.

'Molly...' Rick started softly.

'No, please Rick. Let me do this' I said hastily.

I continued, still looking down.

'I wasn't just in a cell the entire time I was there. I worked there' I said quietly.

Rick was stunned at this.

'What do you mean you worked there Molly? You were a Saviour?!' he said now standing up and running his hands through his hair.

'No! No, I swore to Negan that I would never be a Saviour. But there were people who needed my help, families, kids, I-' I said almost yelling.

He spun around, a frown across his face.

'Wait, you spoke to him?! Negan?!' he yelled.

'Yes! I just wanted to help people, I didn't go around killing anyone!' I shouted.