Finding Yourself : Fred Weasley

34

    I wake up slowly on Christmas morning and have a wave of emotions wash over me as I wake up more and more. I feel scared about how dangerous this plan really is. Not only am I risking getting expelled, but I am also putting my own and other peoples live at stake. 
     I am scared of what the man we are meeting might tell me. What if he does say he doesn't know who I am? Then I will be back at square one. I will probably give up at that point. 
     I didn't think I would, but I am honestly a little disappointed I won't be able to stay for the ball. At least I do get to go for the first dance, I really want to watch Cedric dance with Cho. I also am pretty excited to see if my attempt at dance lessons with Harry helped at all. 
     The more time passes since I asked Fred to the ball the worse I feel. I'm mad at myself for not asking him sooner, before he would have asked Angelina. A small part of me is mad at him for asking her, of all people. Most of all though I think I am mad at her. A small part of me knows it isn't her fault, but the rest of me doesn't want to admit that. It is easier to just be mad at her. 
       He has been acting differently recently too. More closed off and quiet. He went back to calling me West too. I think I probably ruined things and made them awkward by asking him. 
      Especially because when he said no I attempted to play it off as I meant as friends when it was pretty obvious that I didn't mean as just friends. Truth is I was planning on asking him as a friend. But then when I asked I meant it as more. Which kind of plays into my theory.
       The more time passes and the more I think about it, the more I know I meant as more than friends. And the more I realize how much I wanted him to say yes. And the more I dislike Angelina for getting to go with him. 
       So now knowing how bad I feel after having being rejected and not even fully understanding my feelings, I feel even worse for having rejected Reno when he knows his. I feel even more guilty than I did before, and I wish I knew of a way to make things right. 
       I get up and put on my glasses, not wanting to bother with my contacts. I slide on my fuzzy black robe and walk down to the common room. I think I will just chill here for a bit before I shower and head out for the day. 
      As soon as I come out of the corridor and into the common room I have someone jumping on me. This arms rightly around me and my face pressed against his chest. Meaning I can't see who it is. 
     "Happy Christmas!" Reno's familiar voice yells out. I am so confused now. Last night he wouldn't even hardly look at me. Now here he is surprised attacking me with hugs. I hug back, still confused. "Happy Christmas!" I try to say. He lets go of me and looks down. A wide smile on his face. Okay, this is getting really weird. 
      "Are you okay Reno?" I ask getting slightly concerned. "Of course I am! Today is Christmas and the Ball!" He says, sounding truly happy. I can't help but slightly smile, though I am still really confused. He notices. 
     "I know this past couple of months I have been a prick, I am really sorry," He says, his wide smile fading down to a half-smile. I lightly shake my head. "It's fine-"  "No it isn't." I slightly smile at him.
     "I just want you to know that I'm not mad at you or anything. If anything I want to say thank you."  I am taken off guard. What Have I possibly done that requires thanking? "Thank you? What for?"   "For rejecting me."  This conversation is the strangest one I have ever had. "Reno, I don't think you should-"  "- No, no. Hear me out," he pauses to make sure I will. I don't say anything.
       "I should have told you my feelings long ago, because this entire time I had this little bit of hope, and if I would have said something before then this entire time I could have been focused on other things. There were so many times I could have avoided being angry and jealous," he pauses for a moment to catch his breath. He is talking about a mile a minute, it's a struggle to keep up. 
      "I have realized that we are better as friends and that we were never supposed to be anything more than that. I realize that you were a distraction, subconsciously. I thought I had more feelings for you, but I know now that I don't and I just made myself believe I did because I didn't want to believe the truth about things. And now that I do know how I feel and who I am a huge weight has been lifted off and I feel genuinely happy. So thank you."  
       He is again smiling at me, this is a sincere, heartwarming smile that I can't help but return. I hug him again, he hugs back. "I don't know what to say Reno," I say honestly while we are still in the hug. "You don't have to say anything." 
     We part and he runs his hand through his hair. "So. Who are you going to the ball with?" I asl curiously. He smiles more. "Oh, you will definitely see. I want it to be a surprise." I lightly laugh and shake my head. "Okay, if that's what you want. I'm sorry to say I won't get to be there for long though." 
      His smile fades a bit. "Now it's my turn to say sorry. If you need someone to take photos with to send to your mother I would be more than happy to," He says sounding very genuine. I lightly shake my head.
      "George and I are going as friends. I do nee photos with you and Cedric though. My mom will want those," I say, a small weird knot feeling starts to slowly build up in my stomach. He stops smiling. "As friends? Why?" He asks softly. 
       "For one because there is no point in getting an actual date since I will only be there for a half-hour. Two, because I kind of asked Fred as a date. But he is going with Angelina. Which is fine and all," the tone in my voice makes it pretty obvious that I don't actually think it's fine. The knot slowly grows. 
    He takes my hand in a comforting way. He and Cedric know how I feel about Angelina. Cedric has seem my anger towards her more often due to Quidditch, but Reno understands it more. "What did Cedric say about it?"  "I haven't told him."   "Why not?"  I shrug. "I guess because I'm embarrassed and maybe sad and angry," I say quietly. He gives me a soft smile. As if on command Cedric walks over, a nervous smile on his face. 
     "Hey! Look whos talking again!" Reno and I smile at him and I quickly threw my arms around his waist in a tight hug. "Happy Christmas!" He laughs and hugs back. "Happy Christmas!" After giving Cedric and I a moment Reno joins in and it becomes a group hug. "Happy Christmas!" He yells too. 
      Cedric ruffles my hair, causing my glasses to fall down slightly, I push them upright. We all part from the hug and go over and sit on the couch. "So what were you two talking about?" Cedric asks once we are all seated. 
      "Mine and Charlie's dates for the ball," Reno answers quickly with a smile. Cedric's face lights up with excitement. "Which is who?! Charlie! You didn't tell me you have a date!" Cedric says pretending to be mad. I can't help but lightly laugh.  
     "Because it isn't a date. George and I are going as friends," I answer. "Charlie just admitted to me that she slightly fancies Fred," Reno says with a mischevious smile. "Reno! I did not! I only said that I asked Fred to the ball and he said no!" I say glaring at Reno. 
      "You asked him to the ball?! Why did he say no?! He fancies you!" Cedric says sounding angry and surprised. I turn a light shade of red. "No, he fancies Angelina Johnson because that is who he is going to the ball with," I say sharply wanting to change the topic. 
      "Charlie he-"  "No, I don't want to talk about it. In fact, I am going to take a shower," I say while standing. "When are you going to start getting ready?" Reno asks curiously. I shrug. "I dunno. Maybe around seven." 
      "Seven?! No! That doesn't give you any time!" He yells, once again sounding angry. "You will be back by four on the dot and I will help you get ready! Do you understand me young lady?!" His anger this time is different. It is more brotherly or parental. Not just straight out anger. 
      I give him a confused look. "Okay, fine. I'll be here to get ready at four. Gosh. Mr Bossy pants," I say in agreeance before walking out. Man, it does not take that long to get ready. That is four hours. I am going to be sitting there waiting for hours because of how soon we will be done. This day is going to be hell.