My Fat Ass Self a Park Jimin ff/smut 18+

Chapter 7

Possible trigger warning. Self harm/ brief and I mean very brief mention of sexual assault.

The next few days went as usual, work, home, Rupert, and texting Jimin more and more. We were finally having actual conversations through texts and it made my days seem lighter, I had more of a pep in my step as I was starting to feel happier with my life, it was finally friday so I told Kris I was leaving work an hour early, he didn't argue with me about it, which I was thankful for. I had to make sure I had enough time to make it home and cook dinner for Jimin before he arrived. I took a shower and got my robe on, I still had to do my hair and make up but I knew I had to start the food so I started cooking, I had my music turned all the way up belting it as loud as I could in my voice that sounds like cats being murdered in an alleyway whenever I try to sing. I was having fun dancing around in my robe while trying to cook the best freaking dinner Jimin has ever had in his life. I was making steak with marsala sauce, cheesy garlic mashed potatoes, asparagus with Italian seasonings, cheesy broccoli, I bought fresh french bread, and this butter stuff that I noticed Jimin loved. I also made a giant bowl of salad as a starter and had a few bottles of different dressings for it since I didn't know which one Jimin liked. I made a chocolate peanut butter cheesecake and had that in the freezer for dessert. 
"Smells good in here" I jumped so hard when I heard his voice 
"Holy frickin shit Jimin" I grabbed my chest, he started laughing 
"You really didn't see me standing here for the last five minutes?" 
"No, you asshole. God Rupert is such a bad guard dog he didn't even bark or anything" 
"I enjoyed the show by the way, is that what you're wearing for me tonight?" He winked, I looked down to realize that I am in fact still naked and in a robe. Fuck. I don't really care that I'm naked..but I care because my thighs are riddled with scars from when I self harmed. He'll see them.. I have so many scars on my thighs you'd think I was attacked by wolverine. I don't want him to see them, how am I going to walk past him? 
"Ah, shit. Let me go get dressed real quick. I wasn't paying attention to the time" I looked around to see if there was anything I could walk behind that would block my thighs from his view, wishing I had a longer robe I realized that there's no way to avoid this situation all I can do is hope that he doesn't notice..or at least doesn't point them out. I walked around the breakfast nook and went to walk out of the kitchen but he wrapped an arm around my waist stopping me and placed a soft kiss on my temple 
"Want me to get the wine while you get dressed"
"Yes please" I said trying not to let my voice waver, I didn't want him picking up on my uneasiness as my panic was rising. I pushed his arm off of me lightly and went to the bedroom. I sat on my bed for a minute doing some breathing exercises to calm myself down before I got changed into my skinny jeans and a red flowy top, I put my slippers on and put my hair up in a messy bun before walking back out to the kitchen. Jimin was sitting at the table texting with his phone in one hand, and holding a glass of wine in the other. My glass was by my seat filled with my favorite wine. 
"So, ready to eat?" I asked as I entered making him look up at me and smile before putting his phone down 
"Absolutely" 
I turned the music down and made us each a salad before sitting down next to him at my table. 
"I didn't know which dressing you liked so I kinda grabbed one of everything" he smiled at me with the biggest smile 
"That's so cute! I like ranch and caesar for future reference, but in all honesty I would've used whatever you gave me" that made me blush as I smiled and started eating my salad 
"How was work"
"Not too bad, just busy. Our off season will be hitting soon so hopefully the restaurant slows down a bit. You?" 
"Not too busy, I mostly just sat at my desk or stuck in a meeting" 
"Sounds exhilarating" I said sarcastically while sipping more of my wine "are you ready for the main course?"
"Yes please!" He said as he smiled up at me, I stood and collected our salad plates before serving us our dinner, Jimin refilled our wine glasses and we sat back down to eat 
"Holy shit!" He said with a mouth full of food
"Good?"
"More than good, amazing!" He continued to shovel more food in his mouth "and you got my butter spread! How did you even remember?"
I chuckled "I'm not totally sure to be honest.. I saw it in the store and I was like 'oh hey Jimin loves that shit' and here it is" 
"You're so thoughtful, I love it" he smiled at me making me blush as we kept eating, I think it's cute how the little things like a certain butter spread makes him happy. 
"Dinner was amazing" he sighed out and rubbed his stomach as we sat down on the sofa when we finished eating 
"I'm glad you liked it, I'm gonna let Rupert out and smoke a cigarette, feel free to pick a movie or show" 
"Sounds good to me, can you bring the wine out with you when you come back?"
"Sure" I smiled and got up from the couch, I sat outside with Rupert smoking my cigarette and drinking my wine before going back in and grabbing the whole bottle, I sat it on the coffee table by Jimin and I, he picked a movie and waited for me to come back before playing it. Once the movie started Jimin pulled me in close wrapping his arm around me while he had his wine glass in his other hand. My heart was beating out of my chest and I only hoped he couldn't hear it or feel how uncomfortable I was with the fact that he had his hand on my body. I kept trying to remind myself that he knows I'm fat, and he's here anyway, if he didn't want to cuddle with me and feel my big ass body pressed up against him he wouldn't have pulled me into him. I needed more wine. I finished my glass and poured another before getting back into my spot under his arm, he looked down at me and kisses the top of my head 
"I like this, we should do this more often" he said in a low voice close to my ear making my heart flutter and my stomach do flips. 
"Agreed, I'm always down to Netflix and cuddle" I laughed out 
"Me too as long as I'm with you" he replied in a shy way, his cheeks got pink and mine turned ruby red 
"Me too Jimin" grow some balls Sarah..grow some fucking balls. Holding my breath I made the first move and pecked his cheek quickly and softly before looking back at the tv exhaling and regulating my breathing again trying to keep my anxiety down as I felt it buzzing in my veins again. I can not even believe I fucking did that. He didn't seem grossed out though, he smiled and his cheeks flushed again. I think I did the right thing. 
"You're so cute" he whispered as he nuzzled his cheek on the top of my head 
"Ew don't get mushy on me now"
"Hey, I can get even more mushy if you want me to" 
"No thanks" I laughed and playfully rolled my eyes making him laugh 
"You're not a mushy type of person are you?"
"Ehh.. depends. Mushy stuff has a tendency to make me uncomfortable, like my brain can't handle it properly..but I also have days where I want to be mushy all day.. that probably doesn't make sense"
"It does, I know you have anxiety, and I'm assuming depression as well.. so even though it's not something I personally deal with I can understand how you process things. That's why I tend to worry that you might overthink things" 
Oh god. I make him worry about what he says and does around me.. he's going to get tired of me eventually, he probably thinks he's walking on eggshells all of the time just being in the same room with me 
"I'm sorry" I said softly
"Hey, no..don't be sorry. You can't help it, and I don't mind it at all"
"I don't want you to think you can't be yourself around me or not do or say something because you're worried about how it will affect me. Just be you" 
"I am, I'm more like myself with you than I am anyone else" 
Holy fuck. That made me soft. 
"Me too" I smiled at him and then he placed a soft kiss on my lips 
"I really really like you Sarah" 
"I like you too Jimin" I smiled and turned red again making him laugh as he kissed me again. 
"Do you think at some point you'd be comfortable enough with me to tell me about everything?" He asked suddenly 
"What do you mean? I've been honest so far with anything you've asked me" I stared at him confused for a second
"I know, as have I..but I've noticed things that I wasn't sure if I should ask you about yet" he looked back at the tv breaking our eye contact 
"Well.. we have only known each other for just under three weeks so we have a lot to learn about each other still so I guess I see your point. But in all honesty I'm not ashamed of anything or have anything to hide so if you ever want to ask me anything feel free to do so. I promise I'll answer with full honesty" 
"I really appreciate that, just know I'll do the same if you ever want to ask me anything" he turned to look at me and smiled 
"I'll keep that in mind. I want to know everything about you" I said a little too eager making him chuckle 
"Okay, well then we have a lot of talking to do apparently" I slid to the side and turned my body to lift my legs up onto the couch, I sat criss cross and faced him "would you like to ask me anything right now?" 
He sighed and put his wine glass down on the coffee table before turning his body towards me "yes" he reached forward for my hand, I let him hold it but he pulled it towards himself and lifted my sleeve. Not many people have ever noticed the faint scars on my forearm, there aren't many there, and they're so light you can hardly even see them. I prayed that wasn't what he was going to ask me about..like maybe he was doing something he felt was comforting? But no. 
"These..and the ones on your thighs. You..did this?" 
"Yes" I didn't pull my arm away, I let him graze his thumb over them "it's no secret I have anxiety, and as you mentioned earlier, yes. I have depression. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, major depressive disorder, PTSD, and anxiety. The BPD means that I basically feel things to the extreme..which is a huge part of my anxiety to be honest. I used self harm when I was younger to try and find some sort of relief. Obviously I know now that's not a good way to go about it. But at that time in my life the drugs, alcohol, cutting, and sleeping around, those were my release. And now I have the constant reminders of my stupidity. I don't regret it..not really. I think it played a huge part in making me the person I am today" 
"Are you happy?"
"It depends on what you consider happy, I don't think I'll ever be completely happy..but I'm content" 
"Did you ever try to..end it?"
"Once. Obviously it didn't work" 
"And the PTSD..that's post traumatic stress disorder right?" 
"Yes" I took a sip of wine "that's a loaded one"
"You don't have to"
"I know.. but I was raped when I was a teenager. I won't discuss details..but just know that it happened" 
"I'm so sorry" he looked compassionate, emotional, and sad
"Don't be, I'm okay now honest" I smiled and grabbed his hand intertwining our fingers "but yeah..so I have a pretty long list of what's fucked up in my head"
"You're not fucked up, you're just different. And there's nothing wrong with being different or feeling things differently" 
"I know that now, I just wish I had known when I was younger it would've saved me from a lot of hurt" 
"Absolutely, but I'm so proud of you for getting help and trying to work through everything"
"Thank you" I blushed "I haven't talked to anyone about this stuff in a long time"
"Well I'm glad you told me. I want to understand you better and get to know you better"
"Good" I smiled widely at him "so what about you? Any fucked up stuff to share?" He laughed at me and shook his head 
"No, typical rich kid stuff. Mom was a stay at home mom so we're close and my dad is a business man and since we work together we've gotten closer. I always had everything I ever wanted or needed but my parents also taught me the importance of hard work so I try not to be the typical spoiled brat most rich kids grow up to be" I nodded at his words 
"Yeah you don't come off as conceited or spoiled" 
"Good" he chuckled "I did when I was younger though, I would have the biggest meltdowns if I didn't get what I wanted" 
"Oh I believe it haha most kids do anyway so being rich on top of that I'm sure made it worse" 
"Big time" he laughed 
"Are you ready for dessert? I know my fat ass is dying to dig into that cheesecake" 
"oh hell yeah, if you're trying to seduce me with cheesecake it's totally working" he laughed 
"Well I am a bit of a seductress" I wiggled my eyebrows making both of us laugh harder as we walked to the kitchen to get the cheesecake. As we sat down at the table to eat he refilled our glasses and we dug into the dessert he let out a long moan as soon as it hit his tongue making my brain go off into places not so innocent. 
"God is there any food you can't make? This is heaven" 
"My pot pies are lacking, but everything else I'm good at" I laughed "I mean let's be honest you don't get fat by being picky or not knowing how to cook" we both laughed at my joke and continued eating 
"You know you're beautiful right?" He asked randomly making me almost choke on the cheesecake that was in my mouth
"Um..thanks" I said softly as I sipped my wine
"You talk down on yourself a lot which I realize is a coping mechanism you have, but I hope you know you're beautiful. I'm not going to say things like 'oh you're not fat' or anything to make you feel better about yourself because I know that's not what you want and I'm sure you've heard it your whole life. But just know that even though you're overweight I would never call you fat, and I don't think you're fat. I also happen to think you're one of the most beautiful women I have ever laid my eyes on" I felt really emotional hearing him say that. A big part of me wanted to say he was lying and run away from it. But I knew by his tone of  voice and the look in his eyes that he meant every word. 
"Thank you Jimin" 
"Don't thank me, I'm just voicing my opinion" 
"Well where did this boldness come from" I chuckled out 
"I'm not sure..but I felt like it needed to be said" he smiled and stuffed more cheesecake in his mouth. 
"You're a lot different then the people I've dated before" 
"How so?"
"Well in a good way honestly. But like.. I'm used to guys who only want me for sex, or only want to be with me because I'm fat and that's their fetish. Or they'll say things like 'you're beautiful even though you're fat' or 'you're not fat you're beautiful' but I don't see fat as a bad word..its an adjective. I'm not skinny, I'm not fit, I'm fat. Fat is fat but that doesn't make me less of a person, or a sexual object. And you just don't do any of those things. And no one has ever tried to understand all of my mental illnesses..they just dismissed them or pretended to care and eventually didn't want to pretend anymore or used them against me. You've done more for me in the last few weeks than any of them ever have. So thank you for that." 
"I'm glad you feel that way, but there's really no need to thank me. I really really like you, and I want you to be as comfortable with me as possible" 
"I feel the same" I smiled and blushed while I looked away, I couldn't hold eye contact under these circumstances. Mr I look photoshopped in real life has openly admitted he has feelings for me. Well.. I think they're feelings. He could just mean in a friend way. Oh fuck. Okay, don't overthink this..just enjoy his company and take it for what it is 
"You're over thinking" he said suddenly as he put his fork down "what is it?"
"Its nothing, honestly. I'm not over thinking anything" 
"Riiiiight.. you know you're not very hard to read right?" 
"Pssh yeah okay" I rolled my eyes 
"Seriously Sarah, tell me what you're thinking"
"I can't.. it's awkward" 
"It's just us. There is nothing to be awkward over"
"Well.. okay but like..don't judge me.."
"I would never"
"Well.. when you say you really like me..do you mean like 'hey I like Sarah, she's cool we can be friends' or do you mean like..you know..more..than..friends.." I was so close to crying because I felt so fucking awkward 
"More than friends hands down" he answered immediately without even giving it a second thought
"Are you sure?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him 
"Well, I wanted to take things slow with you and get to know you a lot better before I asked this but I don't see what good waiting is going to do if it will make you feel at ease. Will you be my girlfriend? I know I wanted to get to know you better first. But why not get to know each other better in a relationship?" He asked. Now I was really panicking. I was excited and nervous and I wanted to throw up. Fuck. 
"Are you sure?"
"Will you please stop asking me that? I wouldn't ask if I wasn't sure"
"But like.. look at you"
"What about me?"
"You're you..and you're perfect..and I'm.. I'm just not" 
"I'm not perfect, I'll never be perfect, and I fuck up just like everyone else, and you're just as 'perfect' as I supposedly am" 
"I don't know Jimin.. I really really like you. But what would your friends think? Or your family?"
"My friends love you, and I'm sure my parents will too..do you not want to be with me?" He sounded hurt as he sunk further into his seat
"No, I do. I really really do..but I don't want you to get made fun of for being with the fat girl" 
"That's a bit shallow don't you think? You want me, I want you, and you're questioning this because of what other people could think or possibly say?" 
"Okay..fair point" 
He stood up and walked over to me, he put his hands on either arm of my chair and leaned down until we were face to face, I could feel his breath hitting my skin and smell the cheesecake lingering on his lips. I bet they taste even sweeter now. 
"Shut the fuck up, and stop overthinking it. You're my girlfriend, I'm your boyfriend. Fuck everyone else" his voice was deeper and more serious than I had ever heard anyone in my life. I gulped, and before I could speak he slammed his lips on mine kissing me roughly, he tilted his head deepening the kiss before entering his tongue in my mouth, I returned the action fighting him for dominance over the kiss before letting him win. I swore my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. How is this real? How does he not care about his image? How can he kiss me like this? We broke away from the kiss panting to catch our breath
"I like you Sarah, and I don't give a fuck if you don't believe me yet, and I'll never give a fuck what anyone has to say about it. It's between you and I" 
"Okay" I spit out still trying to catch my breath 
"Okay?" He smiled before pecking my lips again
"Yes, I would be honored to be your girlfriend" 
"Good because I'm honored to be your boyfriend. Now let's go cuddle and watch a movie" 
"Yes sir" I giggled at his authoritative tone, he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of my chair leading me back to the couch in the living room 
"Question.." I stated awkwardly 
"Hmm?" He hummed in response while looking for a decent movie to put on 
"Have you ever been with someone like me before?"
"No, I told you before no one has ever cooked for me or made an effort to remember the littlest things about me, I've also never had anyone look at me the way you do"
"What? What does that even mean? I look at you like I look at everyone" I furrowed my eyebrows trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about
"Maybe you think you do" he smirked "but you look at me like I matter.. I know that sounds corny but you sometimes stare at me like I'm the only person in the world. It's comforting" he smiled warmly as he looked in my eyes "see? Like that" he pecked my lips and turned back to the tv
"Oh.. okay weirdo. But what I meant was have you ever been with a fat girl before? Like either physically or romantically" 
He let out a long sigh "to be totally honest with you, no. I've never been a shallow person, and I've never cared about anyone else's weight, but the girls that I've met and who threw themselves at me or had the guts to approach me have always been stick skinny model types..the ones who know they're good looking and try to make guys feel like they're inferior and should just feel lucky to be breathing the same air as them. I never liked that much, but I am a man. I had needs, and I found a few that I could date or have flings with that weren't totally insufferable until I found Song, but we know how that ended" 
"Oh" well this is great. I'm like his fat chick Guinea pig. What the fuck. What if he decides he doesn't like it? What if after he finally sees me naked he decides he made a mistake? 
"Stop. You asked me a question, and I gave you my honest answer. Don't overthink it" 
"Fuck. It's like you can read my damn mind" 
"Told you, you're easy to read babe"
Damn. There goes my heart again..falling out of my chest. Mr perfectly sculpted body and overly charming for no reason is my boyfriend and he's calling me babe. I'm gonna die before he leaves. And just like that he pulled me into himself, holding onto me like he was holding on to his most prized possession. 
"Can we just enjoy ourselves as us now? No more overthinking for the rest of the night understood?"
"Yes sir" I rolled my eyes 
"You keep calling me sir and giving me attitude and I'll wipe that smile right off your face" 
Well oh shit. Fuck that, I'm not going to submit to this. 
"Oh really? Okay, asshole" I rolled my eyes 
"You really want to find out?"
"Find out what? That you think you're tough? I already know you do" 
"Wow..okay. I see how you're trying to play me right now" he looked at me and gave me the cockiest grin I've ever seen "so you think you're tough?" 
"Bitch, I know I'm tough" I scoffed. 
"I wonder if you'll still be tough after I tie you up and bury my face in between your legs" 
Well.. that might shut me up. I may not be as tough as I thought..and I might have to bluff to get through this. I also may or may not have gotten more turned on than I ever have in my life.