My Fat Ass Self a Park Jimin ff/smut 18+

Chapter 51

I laughed so hard at the picture I sent to my friend on snapchat I decided to use it for the start of this chapter 😂🤣sorry.

"Jimin! Come quick!" I whisper yelled, he hurried from our room to the nursery
"What is it?"
"Look! He's dreaming!" I cooed as I watched my baby's eyelids flutter and his lashes moving with his eyes 
"Awww" Jimin cooed as we stared down at our sleeping baby in his crib 

This has been our life for the last two weeks since he was born. Jaxson literally can't do ANYTHING without Jimin and I making a huge deal out of it. 
He farts
We aww
He sneezes
We awww
He blinks 
We're ready to throw a party 

I want to hold him up in the sky lion king style and make everyone stare at him and bask in his beauty. 
"Look! Look with your eyes! I made this beautiful creature!" 

That's not weird right? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
Jimin encourages it though. 
He's just as bad as I am! 
If not worse! 
This man 🤦🏻‍♀️ 
He wanted to put a billboard up by his building to announce the birth of our baby. 
I almost fell for it..
I was so close to agreeing.. 
And then my logic came back. 

"Come on baby..we need sleep" he said as he rubbed my back, I nodded my head and turned on the baby monitor before following Jimin back to our room. I find myself waking up for no reason in the middle of the night every night just to walk in to the nursery and make sure he is still breathing in his sleep. I put my finger under his nose, and then I check his pulse. I'm so afraid of losing him. Jimin tries talking me down, but I honestly can't relax until I physically confirm our baby is breathing and alive. Jimin and I laid down in the bed, I was on my back staring at the ceiling when he reached over and intertwined our fingers, I looked over and smiled at him, our eyes locked and he gave me a wide smile and held our hands up in the air, we stared at our wedding bands and our intertwined fingers before we started giggling. He put our hands down and I rolled to face him, he mirrored my actions and kissed the tip of my nose. 
"I love you" 
My heart fluttered
"I love you too" 
I was out like a light only a few minutes later. Of course Jax wasn't going to let me stay that way once he started wailing at one in the morning, I jumped up to my baby's screams and rubbed my eyes before tiptoeing out of the room to keep Jimin sleeping. I changed his diaper and carried him down the stairs while I patted his butt and tried calming him, I fixed him a bottle and then sat on the sofa with him while he drank it curled up in my arms. I smiled down at him as he fell asleep on my chest, not wanting to take the risk of waking up the formula monster, I slept sitting up on the couch reclined backwards and holding him. When I woke up in the morning Jimin was sitting next to me curled up to my arm with his arm around my waist under the baby and we had a blanket over the three of us. 
My heart melted. 
Life as a wife and mother to these two was like walking around in a sweet day dream. It almost felt like a happy fog was misting over everything. 
Until it wasn't. 
I felt my moods changing. 
I was miserable. 
I no longer felt joy looking at my husband. 
I no longer watched Jax sleeping to make sure he was still breathing because it just felt like so much work. He would cry and I would roll my eyes before performing my tasks. 
My love never changed. 
It was all still there.
But so was the voice in the back of my head telling me that none of this would last. That none of this was real. That while I was taking care of my son, my husband was fucking someone else. My son would never love me as much as I love him because I'm going to snap and yell at him over stupid shit. 
I felt..empty. 
The same feeling of emptiness that always seemed to consume my being came flooding back after being gone for a while. All of the doubts, all of the fears, all of the hatred I carried with me. Here it was. My son didn't deserve to have a mom as shitty as me. My husband didn't deserve to have a wife as gross and as pathetic as me. I was laying down in the middle of the afternoon while Jimin had put Jax down for a nap. Jax was two months old now. He came into the room and sat down on the bed with me
"Baby?"
"Hmm?"
"We need to talk.."
"I know" 
"Can you tell me what's been bothering you?"
"No" I buried my head further into the pillow 
"Please? 
"Jimin.. I just don't want to right now" 
"Well, you have to. I'm not letting you continue like this. I need you, Jax needs you, Rupert and Mocha need you..and you just keep pushing us all away. It's not fair to any of us including you. We agreed that I wouldn't give you any free passes on your toxic behavior. You either tell me what's going on or I drag your ass to Yoongi" 
I cried. 
"I don't know! I don't know, none of it makes any fucking sense to me, I'm just fucking miserable and sad, and paranoid for no good fucking reason!" 
He nodded as he stared down at the floor 
"I think the meds that Yoongi put me on for the pregnancy, worked because of the pregnancy. I think I need to get back on my regular meds so in three to six weeks I should be back to being okay. They're stronger than these ones" 
"Is that really all?"
"I believe so, yeah" 
"Have you had any signs or symptoms of postpartum? Because it's okay if you have baby, we can work on it together"  
"The thought has crossed my mind" I nodded "but no, it's just genuinely my BPD being a twat waffle" 
"Okay" he rubbed my back "I'll call hyung and ask him to send a script over to the pharmacy to put you back on your regular meds, do you want an appointment?"
"Not really, I think I'll be okay just switching the medicine" 
"You'll tell me when you want to go back to having appointments right?"
"Yes, I promise" 
"I love you" he kissed my cheek 
"I love you too, and I'm really sorry I've been so off lately" 
"It's not your fault, I didn't take it personally, I was just really worried about you" 
"I know" I nodded "thank you" 
"Jax should stay asleep for a while..do you want to eat junk food and watch a movie together?" 
"Yes please"