My Fat Ass Self a Park Jimin ff/smut 18+

Chapter 12

The next few weeks went by relatively fast, Jimin and I had been together for almost three months and everything was going great, work was busy, Jimin and I spent almost every single day together after work either at my house or his, our sex life was FUCKING BOMB like OHMYFUCKINGGOD and on the weekends we went out on different dates and spent time with the guys, we even invited Joon-ho to come with us on a few of our outings with the guys and they all liked him and made him feel welcome. It was a bit overwhelming for me because I had never felt so good about life and I had never had friends so it was a new adjustment in the best way. And then one day for no known reason whatsoever... I woke up downright miserable. Fml. I called Kris and told him I was sick and needed to use a few of my sick days, he told me he hoped I felt better soon and that it was no problem since I never really called out before and I had accumulated quite a few sick days and vacation days in the time that I've been there. I then shut my phone and rolled myself up in my blankets like a burrito. I should just die. It's not like anyone would really give a fuck anyway. It's not like I really want to die..like I'm not going to throw myself into oncoming traffic, but if I got hit by a bus.. I wouldn't mind. For four days I only left my bed to use the bathroom, smoke a cigarette, and let Rupert outside. And then I was right back in my blanket burrito. I cried a lot. For why? I have no idea. I hated everything about me, everyone hates everything about me. Jimin is probably fucking some model on his desk right now. Good for him. He deserves better anyway. I have no idea if anyone has even called or texted me since my phone has been off for the last four days. I doubt it though. I always have to text or call first. Except Jimin. But he's probably a lot happier now that I've disappeared and he can fuck a model with out worrying about his fat ugly girlfriend finding him. I should fix myself, maybe start going to the gym again, then everyone would like me. Maybe I would like me if I was prettier, or at the very least skinnier. God I hate this fucking bed. I got up and walked into the kitchen where the dishes were overflowing in the sink. I hate this fucking sink. I looked at my table that was covered in crumbs and a half eaten apple that turned bad. I hate this fucking table. Fuck this kitchen. I went to the living room and sat down on the couch. Fuck this couch, I hate this fucking couch. It's so fucking uncomfortable. I flicked through the tv stations. Fuck tv. I hate this fucking tv and there's never anything good on anyway. I went to the bathroom and pissed. I should shower.. I've been in these clothes for five days since Jimin dropped me off. I smell like BO and depression. My hair is a knotted and matted mess I don't even know where to start. Fuck it. Not today. Fuck the shower. Fuck my hair. I should cut it off anyway. Back to my bed. I laid down in the dark on my bed and stared at the ceiling wondering why to everything that was happening in my life. A sudden knocking on my front door caught my attention. Fuck the door. It's no one important anyway. I rolled over. The knocking persisted. Fuck whoever it is. I don't fucking care anyway. I placed a pillow over my head to drown out the knocking. Now someone was banging on my bedroom window. Rupert was barking. Fuck whoever this is. They can go suck a dick. 
"Sarah are you in there?"
Its Jimin. Fuck him. He probably felt obligated to check on me after he dropped his new model girlfriend off at her Barbie mansion. 
"Sarah I will break this fucking window to make sure you're in there or not" 
Fuck the window. I hate it anyway. I hate him too. But I don't. I like him. A lot. It hurts. He's banging on the front door again. 
"Sarah open this fucking door or I will break in" he demanded. He sounds scared. Probably just doesn't want to be the one to find my dead body, he would have to call the police and everyone would come gawk at the fat dead girl being dragged out of her home laughing at me as my body jiggles all over the place until rigor mortis sets in and my body goes stiff. Then they'll really struggle to lug my dead body around. Suddenly I heard glass breaking in the living room as Rupert lost his mind. Worst guard dog. Ever. I heard footsteps
"Sarah!" He called out as he ran through my house until he swung open my bedroom door violently.  
"Sarah, what the fuck" 
He's mad. Fuck. 
He ran to my bed and wrapped his arms around me tightly. His heart was beating furiously fast, his breathing was ragged and harsh. He was...scared? His eyes were puffy and glassy, was he crying? I didn't say anything. I didn't move. I just let my body lay there limp as he held on to me for dear life. Eventually he let a few tears fall on my shoulder as he let out a few small sobs. Why is he crying? 
"God, please please please baby don't ever do this to me again. I was so scared. At first I thought you were busy, but your phone kept going to voicemail, Joon said you were fine that you do this sometimes, but after four days I couldn't stop worrying about you. Why didn't you let me in? Not just in the house, but why didn't you just tell me?" He was rocking me as he cried. My body was still limp. I scared him. I made him cry. I'm a horrible piece of shit. I care about this man more than anyone and I shattered him. Why am I like this? He deserves better. 
"Baby, please say something" he let go of my body letting me lay back down, I just stared at him blankly, not knowing what to say. 
"Are you okay?"
No. I'm not. I hurt you. I'm probably going to break you if we stay together. God I'm a fucking waste of skin. 
"Baby? What happened?" 
Everything. And nothing. At the same time. But. I. Hurt. You. Now I deserve to be the sad sack of shit that I am. I should break up with him before I break him. 
 "Okay, well you don't have to talk then. I'm going to run you a bath and clean up your house. It looks like someone broke in and trashed the place" he wiped the tears off his face. 
I'm not getting in the bath. He can't make me. He can't pick my fat ass up anyway
"I know what you're thinking and yes I can, don't fight me on this." He got up and left my bedroom, I heard the tub running. 
Fuck. 
A few minutes later he walked back into my room and turned the light on
"Come on, the bath is ready"
I didn't move. 
"Okay, hard way it is then" 
He ripped the blankets off of me and picked my fat ass up. Damn. Where did this strength come from? He picked me up like I weighed nothing. On a normal day I would get turned on by how he carried me like a rag doll. He walked to the bathroom and placed me down on my feet, he didn't talk. He just stripped me naked. He then picked me up and sat me in the bath. He walked out of the bathroom and I heard the kitchen sink running. He's doing my mountain of dishes. Why hasn't he left yet? Isn't he repulsed by me? I smell, my house is fucking wrecked, I'm sure he has better things to do then to take care of me. Why is he here? Why is he doing this? I just sat there in the hot water overthinking everything. He's going to leave me. It's probably for the best anyway. 
"All washed up?" He asked as he walked into the bathroom, he saw I hadn't moved. He walked over to the tub and kneeled down, taking a rag he lathered it with soap, he lifted my arm and started scrubbing me, he scrubbed my entire body being as gentle as possible, especially when he got to my lady bits. He tilted my head back and poured cups of water on my hair before he squirted shampoo into his hands scrubbing my scalp for me, he rinsed my hair and repeated the motion with conditioner. Once I was washed and rinsed he pulled the plug out of the tub letting the water go down. He grabbed me and stood me up in the tub, he wrapped a towel around me, picked me up and carried me to the bed room. He placed me on my feet and I stood there like a dumbass. I felt like I couldn't move. Not like I wanted to anyway. He went through my dresser grabbing me underwear, sweats, and his PARK hoodie he had given me. He walked back over to me and dried me off before dressing me. 
"There, that's better" he smiled and picked me up again placing me on the bed. He grabbed my hair brush and my conditioning spray, and sat on the bed behind me wrapping his legs around me. He brushed my hair. He tried to be as gentle as possible as he fought with my knots and detangled my hair. He treated me with so much love and care, it made me feel worse. 
"Now my baby looks and smells better. Have you eaten?" 
I shook my head. The first response he's gotten from me since he got here. 
"When did you last eat?" 
I shrugged my shoulders. 
"Have you eaten since I dropped you off?" He almost whispered. I could hear the concern and the sadness laced in his voice. 
I shook my head. 
He sighed and wrapped his arms around me nuzzling his face in my back
"You need to eat" 
He held me for a few minutes before he got up from the bed. I heard him in the kitchen moving things around. I sat there on the edge of my bed staring at the floor. I wanted to tell him to leave. Runaway from me and don't look back. How can you want to stay? But I also wanted to hold on to him like a spider monkey and keep him next to me for forever. After about forty five minutes he came back. 
"Are you ready to walk? Or do I need to carry you again?" I looked up at him and made eye contact. I wanted to cry. And I did. A few tears slipped down my face. 
"Come on" he said softly as he reached for my hand pulling me off of the bed. 
"I made spaghetti with sauce and chicken, I don't know if it's any good but it was easy to cook and its filling" he walked me to the kitchen, as we walked through the living room I noticed how clean my house was. He cleaned for me. My window by the tv was broken. That's where the shattered glass noise came from. He broke into my house. He sat me down in a chair at the table. My kitchen was spotless. Mount dishes was gone. The food looked great, but I had no desire to eat. Usually I have to go through all of this alone, I've never had anyone try to help me like this when I get like this. It didn't happen often..but when it does I fall apart. 
"Do you need me to feed you?" 
He asked as he sat next to me holding my hand. I just looked at him. I wanted to thank him. To hug him. To kiss him. To cry. I wanted to kick him out of my house. I wanted to push him away. I didn't want to eat. He grabbed my fork and twirled some of the noodles around it and stabbed a piece of chicken. 
"Open your mouth" 
I didn't move
"I can make you open your mouth. Just be a good girl and open your mouth for me" 
I didn't move. I wanted to be a good girl for him. I just genuinely didn't have it in me to move. 
"Baby, please open your mouth. I don't want to force you to open it. You need to eat. If not for you then for me. If not for me then for Rupert. He needs his mom happy and healthy so you need to eat" 
I opened my mouth and he smiled 
"Good girl" he cooed and smiled as he fed me. Once he fed me the entire bowl he walked me back to the bedroom, I stood there while he stripped my bed and put new linens on for me including a clean comforter and pillow cases. He held my hand and ushered me towards the bed. I got in and snuggled under the covers. He took his suit off and grabbed a pair of my sweats and a tshirt before he got in the bed behind me. He rolled me over and buried my face into his chest holding on to me tightly. I started sobbing. It was uncontrollable. I couldn't stop. I just bawled. The tears poured down my face as I sobbed and wailed loudly clinging onto his shirt for dear life. He ran his fingers through my hair and rubbed my back trying to calm me. 
"Shhh it's okay baby, its okay. I'm here. I'm not leaving. I've got you okay? Let it out" 
And I did. I cried and cried until I couldn't form tears anymore. 
"I'm sorry Jimin, I'm so sorry" my voice came out hoarse and raspy
"Its okay" 
"No it's not. I shouldn't be like this." 
"There's nothing wrong with you" 
"Everything is wrong with me"
"That's what the depression wants you to think, but baby you are perfect" he kissed my forehead "its okay, you're okay, just breathe and try to relax okay?"  
I fell asleep. I'm not sure how long I slept for but when I woke up Jimin wasn't next to me. He was outside my bedroom door on the phone. 
"I know hyung, she's okay. No I didn't tell her but I think it would be a good idea for her to see you. I know. Thank you hyung, I know I'll call you" he ended his call and opened the bedroom door, he saw me sitting up in the bed and instantly smiled at me
"Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked as he walked into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed next to me. 
"Better" I shrugged "I'm really really sorry" 
"You have nothing to be sorry for" 
"Yes I do. I'm a fucking mess, and you deserve so much better then me. Why are you even still here right now? Why didn't you runaway?" 
"Because I don't want to. I'm quite content being here with you" 
"That makes zero sense" I scoffed
"Maybe to you" he chuckled "but for me, I don't want to be anywhere else..think about it this way. If the roles were reversed would you runaway? Or would you take care of me?"
"I would take care of you. No questions asked" 
"Well then you understand how I feel. It might not make sense because the depression or BPD is making you feel this way. But it will eventually" 
"You're crazy" 
"For you" he chuckled making me crack a smile
"Awww my baby smiled, so cuuuute" he cooed as he pecked my cheek softly making me chuckle, I smacked his chest playfully. 
"Thank you Jimin. Seriously..for everything" 
"There's no need to thank me. It's just what you do for the people you care about" he shrugged. I wrapped my arms around him and held onto him tightly 
"I don't deserve you" I whispered 
"You deserve the world. Stop selling yourself short Sarah, you're amazing. I don't know how I got so lucky to have you" he squeezed me tightly in return "oh also.. I owe you a window" we both laughed 
"I'll have Joon take care of it. He works for a guy that remodels homes" 
"You sure? I don't mind paying" 
"Psssh why pay when we can get that shit for free" 
"Fair point" he laughed "now that you're feeling better I would like to talk to you about something serious okay?" 
"Okay"
"Yoongi hyung.. he's a psychiatrist. When you were sleeping I called him, I didn't tell him everything, just bits and pieces and we think it might be a good idea for you to make an appointment with him in his office and talk to him about everything. It might help" 
"I can't afford to see a psychiatrist, that's why I stopped going" 
"He won't charge you" 
"I don't want a hand out though" 
"Well then he'll charge you five dollars if it'll make you feel better" he chuckled 
"Do you think I should?"
"I do. Honestly. I think it will help you." 
"Then I'll go" 
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah.. I can't do this again. This one was the worst I've been in years" 
"Okay, I'll text him and make you an appointment" 
"Thank you babe" I pecked his lips and smiled. 
"How long do you have until you go back to work?" 
"However long I need. I told Kris I wanted to use up my sick time and vacation time and that I'll come back when I feel better" 
"Good because I want to take you somewhere for a few days" 
"I don't know Jimin.. I'm just now feeling better. I don't want to be around people" 
"There won't be any people. I promise." 
"I guess so. You did a lot for me, if this is what you really want, I'll do it." 
"Good" he pecked my forehead "pack a suitcase for four days" 
"Okay...where are we going?" 
"You'll find out"
"What about Rupert?"
"Tae will take him"
"You sure?"
"Yup. He's already waiting for him at his house. We'll drop him off tomorrow on the way to the airport"
"Airport? Where the fuck are we going?"
"Just trust me. You'll find out" 
I rolled my eyes "okay"