"Ew, why are you wearing that? You look like a tortured sausage"
"Are those real?" As she poked my back rolls
"Why would anyone want to fuck her when she looks like that?"
"What's up Shrek"
"Hey fatass can you hurry it up?"
"Opps didn't see you t...
Two hours after Jin left, doctors and nurses flooded the room. They explained to me what they were going to do to Jimin and what the risks were. They were hoping he would breathe on his own, if not.. There were talks of life support There were talks of worst case scenario Things I blocked out. I didn't want to hear any of that I wanted to hear his voice I cried silently by myself in the corner of the room while they poked and prodded him. I still smelled like smoke It was making me nauseous I hadn't even realized I was covered in black soot from the flames My feet were still bare and getting cold from the floor I stared down at the floor letting the tears roll down my face while they did what they had to do
"Mrs Park?" "Yes" my head shot right up "He's breathing on his own, and he's stable. There's no telling when he'll wake up, but we'll keep checking his vitals okay? We still have him on oxygen but it's very low so he seems to be doing well" "Okay" I nodded feeling just a little relieved "I know how you must be feeling right now..but you should shower, eat, and get some rest. He won't wake up any time soon" "Thank you" I nodded Once they cleared out of the room I sat back down in the chair next to his bed and held his hand "I have to get a shower baby, I'll be right out okay? I'm only going to be a few feet away from you" I assured him and then I kissed his forehead and ran my fingers through his hair as I started to cry again "please baby..please wake up..we need you" I kissed his forehead again and tried to muffle my sobs as I went to the attached bathroom. I cried so hard in the tiny shower stall The last time I took a shower in the hospital was when I had Jax. Jimin held me the entire time He helped me bathe He washed my hair He sang to me He kissed me He told me how beautiful I was and that he loved me with his whole heart Images of the both of us flashed through my mind How we met Our first kiss Dancing in the kitchen Pranking each other Tickle wars Pillow fights Making love Making fun of each other Holding hands Wiping away each other's tears Buying our home I was replaying our time together like a movie in my mind. I could see it all I could feel it all Every emotion Every phantom touch I was so overwhelmed the only thing I could do was fall to my knees and cry while I held myself. The look in his eyes when he saw our son for the first time.. "Why does it hurt so fucking bad!?" I screamed, it was impossible to breathe regularly. I was in physical pain while the memories continued to stream like a movie.
By the time I was done having a melt down in the shower, I washed up and got dressed. Jin was nice enough to drop me off some comfy clothes and slippers. Even my clothes made me sad. My favorite Chiodos shirt and sweatpants. The first time I let Jimin wear my chiodos shirt, and how he struggles to pronounce it every single time no matter how many times I've told him I laugh every single time. Half of me wonders if he does it on purpose just to make me laugh. That's just who he is He's so caring And kind And just wants everyone to be happy, even if it means embarrassing himself or doing something stupid. He loves with his entire heart. His laugh...oh god his laugh. The way he throws his head back or buries his face into you when he's losing his shit, how his eyes disappear, and I swear you can see every single tooth in his mouth. Jax has the same laugh. I took my seat next to him and stared at his sleeping form His lips were blue and chapped, I winced at the sight and grabbed the little travel sized vaseline on the end table and tore open the package, I used my finger to smear it over his lips in hopes of giving him some relief when he wakes up. I held his hand and rested my head on the side of the bed, it didn't take long for me to drift off again.
"Mrs Park?" I lifted my head from the bed and blinked a couple of times adjusting my eyes to the lights "Hmm?" "We brought you some lunch" "Thank you" I smiled and stared at Jimin again, the nurse left a tray of food for me on the end table and put her hand on my shoulder "He's going to be okay" "I hope so" my eyes watered again and I squeezed his hand, she patted my shoulder and left the room. I picked at the food off and on while I watched over Jimin, my phone rang
Momma Park
"Hello?" "Oh honey..how is he?" "Stable..they're not sure when he'll wake up..but he's breathing on own" "Thank god" she sighed and sniffled "we just landed..we were going to come up today but we decided to just bring Jaxson over here and watch him" "Thank you" "Your father and sister should be landing soon and they'll stay with us okay?" "I really appreciate it" I started to cry again "Aww honey, it's okay" "Mom.. I was so fucking scared" "I know sweetheart, it's okay. He'll be okay" "I hope so" I sniffled "Do you need me to come up there lovie?" "No.. I'm okay" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'll be okay" "Alright, if anything changes don't hesitate to call me. I love you so so much. I'm here for you just as much as I am for Jimin okay?" "I know, I love you too mom" I wiped my tears from my face "Aww lovie" she sniffled "Thank you" "Don't thank me, please don't do that. You don't have to thank me for loving you" "Okay" I sniffled "I'm going to hang up now and go pick up Jax okay? Keep me updated and call me for anything. I mean it Sarah okay?" "I will momma" "Good. I love you" "I love you too" We ended the call and I put my phone to the side "Your mom is honestly the best person in the world besides you" I smiled and kissed his forehead. I decided to turn some music on and hummed along while I caressed his hand and tried to stop myself from crying
Bite my tongue, right now the perfect time Do anything to make him happy Even if it means my being miserable As long as he's loving life I will be able to sleep at night With a smile upon his face I will be able to sleep at night With a smile upon his face The thought of his smile not being there My inner feelings would be shattered A piece of glass puncturing my heart I'm bleeding from the inside I will be able to sleep at night With a smile upon his face I will be able to sleep at night With a smile upon his face As long as he's perfectly fine I hope he's perfectly fine And someday he will be mine I will be able to sleep at night With a smile upon his face As long as he's perfectly fine I hope he's perfectly fine And someday he will be mine
Lyrics- Lindsay Quit Lollygagging, Chiodos
I changed all of the "her" and "she's" to "his" and "he's" to better relate it to the story.. I highly suggest listening to the acoustic version of the song if you want to really be in your feels. You can hear his pain while he's singing it.
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