PETAL | HARRY STYLES

FIFTY-SEVEN.

"Sorry for staring, you just look really pretty right now." Her voice softly speaks over the piano melody in the background.

It's not really a melody, just Harry tapping random keys to make sound.

"Now you know how I feel when you're doing anything." His voice follows.

"Play me a song." She timidly says.

"Any requests?"

"Hm, something that reminds you of me."

"Oh petal, there are too many of those. But hold on, I've got the one. Let me look up the notes."

The recording ends there, bringing Harry back to reality. It's silent once again, nothing but white noise and the sound of Rosie's small sleeping gurgles.

That memory is indented in his brain. Like all memories that involved her. He had never been more grateful to be recording the piano melody on his phone. It was back when he was showing Mitch what one of the songs on the album should sound like and she was staring at him for a while.

Of course he didn't send that recording to Mitch, but he saved it instead. For himself to listen to when he missed her. But that was for when he was out of town away from her.

Not for when he lost her.

If he closes his eyes tight enough, he can almost see her. And if he focuses just enough, he can hear her. But she's so far. Never close enough to him.

Harry rolls over in his bed, his eyes lifting to watch Rosie sleep.

Lucky her.

He's tempted to go down to the piano again. Or maybe sit in the music room and strum his guitar. But he decides against it. His mother and sister deserve to sleep peacefully for once.

So he finds himself getting lost in the one place he didn't want to be in.

Her bedside drawer.

It contained so much of her. So much that reminded him of her. Whether it was a random pack of gum or the sweet smelling lotion she'd put on before bed, it was all her.

He thinks of what she said before she went. He isn't too sure what she meant by it. How would he know what to look for?

The envelope with his name on it answers all of his questions.

His heart can't help but flutter, seeing his name gracefully dancing across the paper in her pretty writing in cursive.

When she mentioned she never learned cursive, Harry made it his goal to teach her how to write in it. As soon as she learned, she couldn't stop. Grocery lists, notes she'd leave him, every single thing she did was forever in cursive.

"Makes me feel pretty." She said.

As if her face hadn't already done that for her.

Harry's torn. He doesn't want to open it. He doesn't want to know what's inside. But at the same time, it's what she asked him to do.

So he opens it.

Shaking hands unfold the papers as he sees her beautiful handwriting all over them. His throat feels as though there's a large rock stuck in it. He can't seem to breathe either.

Sitting against the bed frame, he pulls his knees up and takes a deep breath before reading the papers.

Harry,

My pearl. My ray of light. My life. My love. My soul. I find myself excited to sleep at night so I can wake up and have yet another day with you. You make life worth living. You make life beautiful. You are love in the human form and I don't know how I got so lucky to have you in my life.

I wanted to write this before we got married or before we had our baby. I'm writing this for the day I'm not around and you need that final goodbye. I know it's a little early and we still have time, but I also know no matter when I write this, I know the way I feel about you will never change. So better to do it now than later.

When I met you, I think deep down I knew the universe sat us on that plane for a reason. It's like the universe knew that despite losing someone, I was going to have someone to fill that void. Without even knowing it, you slowly became a part of me. Someone I knew I couldn't live without. But at the same time, I realized that one day it wouldn't be me that would have to live without you. And that's why I pushed you away.

But that didn't stop you. It's like you knew I needed you just as much as you needed me. So, I let you in and from that moment on, I knew I'd never regret it.

In a short time, you became my best friend and my lover. You became someone I knew I could be myself around. Someone I could show my true colors to without the fear of being judged. And I was lucky to see your own true colors. And let me tell you, they're beautiful.

There's no one like you, Harry. You're unlike anyone I've ever met before.

I'm writing this with my heart full of misery. The thought of you even having to read this tears me apart. But I know it has to happen. You knew what could happen falling for me. You chose to anyway. And for that, I thank you.

Really, thank you.

Thank you for the love. Thank you for being the one I could give my whole heart to. Thank you for singing to me through sleepless nights. Thank you for writing me songs that I'll be able to play over and over just to hear your voice declare your endless love for me. Most of all, Harry, thank you for giving me a reason to wake up in the morning.

I know this is scary. I know that whatever is happening right now is so fucking scary. I know you're hurting. I know.

But I hope you know under whatever circumstance this happened, I hope you know that I'm safe. I'm resting. I'm sleeping now. And I promise, I'm dreaming of you. I always do.

I hope you heal. I hope one day you find someone to lift you back up the way you did to me. I hope you can smile when you hear my name and that it doesn't rip you apart anymore. I hope you tell our daughter about me. I hope you raise her to be just like you. I hope you show her it's okay to be who she wants to be and that she should never be afraid to do so. I hope you keep making music. I hope you continue to walk onto that stage to do what you love to do most.

Please, don't let this stop you from living your dream. Make music. Sing for them. If not for them, sing for me. Loud enough so I can hear you while I wait for you to come to me.

Most importantly, I hope you know that it'll be okay.

We'll meet again. And when we do, it'll be like no time was lost.

So, until then...

You'll be alright.

I love you forever.

x Petal.

By the time he was halfway through, Harry was sobbing as hard as he could. And when he's finished reading, he drops the sheets of paper onto the bed beside him before curling up in a fetal position.

As he hugs his knees to his chest, his knuckles whiten at how tightly he's gripping. The choked and broken sobs escape his lips and burn his throat like silent screams threatening to break free. And he just lies there, holding himself.

Wishing his arms were hers.