It's Complicated {{Yuliy X Reader}}

Y'all

Ok hi! I've been dead for a couple of months but I'm slowly trying to make a come back. 

Now that I've announced my return I need to get something off my chest because I can't turn to anyone else but you guys. 

I have this crush and we've known each other since we were in pre-k (classic storyline I know) now we didn't become best friends till like the sixth grade but how we weren't that close from the beginning isn't important. Anyways... I had a crush on her in freshman year (I'm a rising senior- holy shit) but I (tried) stopping after she came out as- get a load of this- Ace. Now I know they can still be relationships but it ain't gonna be easy. 

It's good ol' junior year and life's going swell (or as swell as it's supposed to be counting that I now work) and yada yada yada life is life- ya boi decides to not go to school one day and my guy friend asks to come with. I say yeah, we make plans, and then he asks if le crush can come along. 

We're gonna call guy friend 'H' and crush 'J'

I agree and so the day comes. I get my cousin and we go pick up J. Then we drop off my cousin at school and go pick up H. All is dandy!! We get breakfast, get some coffee- ended up going back to H's house to get board games (that we didn't even pay), and headed on the road. Now keep in mind that J and I have never missed school on purpose to go play around before so we didn't know what we wanted to do.

We ended up going to the mall. 

On the way though, I'm driving and I'm allowing J to man the aux cord. She's blasting 'Into the Unknown' and you'd think a bunch of 16 year olds who are half-awake at 9:50 in the morning wouldn't get pumped.

We were blasting it! We were screeching the lyrics and the high notes (for an alto such as myself, that is an enormous feat) so we were kind of waking up now. 

We get to the mall and walk around. I bought an "aight ima head out" shirt, and a Spongebob pin. I ended up learning that H is scared of escalators which was fun to tease him about. We also played hide-and-seek and got ice cream/smoothies before we left. Basically we spent our day together and had a blast- our chorus teacher did find out but he wasn't too mad. 

We did end our day with Golden Corral (which was $52- not worth it), turns out J can't stomach the food there so the day didn't end necessarily well. So everyone's home and everything is going chill at home. 

J texts me and thanks me because she doesn't have the best house life and has never taken an opportunity to actually go out and have fun. Then we started talking about deep things and guess who caught feelings. 

This dumb bitch. 

I CAN'T LIKE MY BEST FRIEND!

She's Ace. We're only friends who are afraid to lose each other. 

Now the first person I told was H since he was also having crush problems but like when I try talking to him about it he's all like "girl that ain't nothing! Let me tell you about what happened today between me and A" so I can't ever fully express myself. 

Now fast forward to today/tonight, I'm feeling a little down cause, ya know, we're under a lockdown and I haven't been able to see J for 2-3 weeks. 

Y'ALL I GET WITHDRAWALS OKAY?! I MISS HER! I WANNA SEE HER! I WANT A J HUG! 

But we're chatting and she goes "it's been a hot second but thru" and I tell her that "I'd say I'm swell but that would be lying" and she knows I can't lie to her so now she's asking what's wrong and I tell her that I miss her. Well we eventually go into sad boi hours and we're talking about how our bitmojis are cute but we're not. 

J goes "you cute af admit it you lil bastard" and I laugh it off but N O! She threatens me that she'll skip school when we go back just so I can't see her or she'll break my legs and proceeds to call me cute, adorable, beautiful, amazing, and a mini box of lucky charms. 

Then she threatens to block me on all social media until I agree to call myself cute. 

We're going back in forth like:

"say your cute"

"idk buddy"

"s a y  I t"

"but I can't"

And then she blocked me :( 

And ever so reluctantly I typed "...im cute"

After 6 minutes she adds me back on snap and opens the messages and tells me to "say it louder" and my social hatred is all over the place telling me "you know you ain't" "you know you can't lie to her so why say it" and that's what I told J too- that I can't lie and say I'm cute when I'm not. 

I eventually said it and J comforted me during sad boi hours. Y'all call me sad but I think I'm in love. Like... I think I'm falling too hard- which is never a good thing for me. 

I've been attacking myself lately thinking that 'J will never love you the way you want her to. She'll leave you eventually' so yeah, that's fun.

Also, dad said same-sex couples are gross and that shot me in the heart because I did try coming out in middle school which didn't end well for me. I did, though, tell my younger brother and he seems okay with it so that's good. My Christian friend also found out because I posted it on my Instagram account. She didn't talk to me for a few days but I think we're good now. She talked to me today :)

But long story short- I fell for an asexual who will probably never love me back :) 

WHy am I so self-destructive I swear.

If you made it all the way down here, thanks. 3 whole pages worth f my nonsense and you're still here with me... It means a lot. More than you'll ever know. If you ever wanna talk then I'm here. Whether it be a pm or any of my contacts (I don't mind exchanging numbers) I'll try to keep myself open- we're stuck in quarantine so time is all we have. 

Alright, time to sleep! I haven't slept for the past 3 days and I'd like to not push myself- I think I work tomorrow too. Idk anymore, they've messed up the schedules so I guess we'll see. Anyways, thanks for listening to me. I love you guys, bye! I'm trying to gather inspiration to write again so sorry about the wait.