A Trip to Japan (Ongoing)

Chapter 26

"It started when I was still in my Mamu's
womb..." panimula ko.

"My Mamu was a victim of rape. She was raped right before Mamu and my so called 'Dad' got married." napansin ko naman ang pagkagulat sa mukha ni Keiji.

"Naparusahan naman 'yung rapist. Although, because of that accident, I was born. So if you're going to look at it that way, I was born a mistake. Isang malaking pagkakamali lang ako sa mundong ito, Keiji." lumungkot naman 'yung ekspresyon ni Kei.

"Don't think like that, Mayumi." saad niya habang hinahagod niya ang likod ko. I just flashed a quick smile to him.

I tried forgetting that thought but no matter how hard I try to, it just keeps on coming back to me. Reminding me that I'm just a mistake.

"Dad's family and also dad himself suggested that I should be aborted, since 'di ko naman sila kadugo. But Mamu didn't listen to them. Pinanganak pa rin ako ni Mamu kahit ganoon 'yung mga sinasabi nila. That's why I love Mamu so much." 'di ko na namalayang naiiyak na naman ako habang nagkukuwento ako.

My life was filled with bad memories that I want to forget. Iilan lang 'yung mga masasayang alaala na mayroon ako. Kasama ng mga taong totoong minahal ako, pero wala na sa mundong ito. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko kayang bumangon mula sa kalungkutan. Parang lagi na lang siyang nandyan at ayaw akong iwan.

"Pero dahil nga 'di ko kadugo ang mga Ramos, pamilya ni Dad, ramdam ko ang pagmamaltrato nila sa'kin. His parents doesn't even consider me as their grandchild. And Dad.... I don't think he's even considering me as his daughter. Kung ganoon, sino na lang 'yung kasama ko sa mundo kung maski sariling pamilya ko ayaw sa'kin?"

Nagbukas na lang ako ng isang box ng gatas para pakalmahin ang sarili ko dahil baka humagulgol na naman ako. Pero 'di ko na kinaya at bumuhos na 'yung mga luhang naipon sa mata ako.

"Daijobou... (it's fine) I'm here." naramdaman ko naman 'yung paghagod ni Kei sa likod ko.

Mas lalo lang akong napaiyak sa sinabi ni Keiji kaya napayakap na lang ako sa kanya. Napansin kong nagulat si Keiji sa ginawa ko, pero 'di ko na iyon pinansin.

Naiyak ako sa kaisipan na sa mga oras na wala akong masandalan, laging nandyan si Kei.

We may not know each other for so long, but still, Keiji is always there to listen.

"But my misery didn't end there." saad ko nang makontrol ko na 'yung mga luha ko.

"I have a little brother. But this time, it was Dad and Mamu's offspring. We were close, like inseparable twins. His name is Carlos. He's 3 years younger than me."

"One night, mag-cacamping sana kami ni Carlos sa Mt. Batulao which was my plan. We liked hiking then. Pababa na kami mula sa peak noon."

"Matarik kasi 'yung peak na 'yon dahil para siyang burol na nasa ibabaw ng bundok. Carlos had a misstep, kaya natapilok siya. We were on the edge of the mountain that time, and trail was slippery due to the sand. Kaya nang matapilok siya, nahulog siya nang dere-deretso. We had no tour guides then so no one can help us."

Mas lalong dumami 'yung luha na lumalabas sa mata ko. Pakiramdam ko kasi, kasalanan ko kung bakit nangyari 'yon.

"I camped there for a week while waiting for a call in our walkie talkies. But, nothing came. At that day, I called for rescue but they said no man was found. I guess he was missing in action. But others considered him dead."

Hanggang ngayon, umaasa pa rin ako na sana, buhay pa rin si Carlos. He was just missing in action. Though, mahirap paniwalaan 'yon. I mean, sino bang hindi mamatay kapag nahulog ka sa gilid ng pagkataas-taas na bundok?