#TTV20
He cussed under his breath and looked away as I started crying, I was just looking at my hands on my lap while sobbing and thinking about what happened.
Lance sold me.
My friends? I don't know if they already knew that or whatever but it hurts badly right now.
"See, where did it take you, huh? On that fucking back door with that fucking man you don't even know!" he sounds so mad.
My sobs became harder that I couldn't talk certainly.
"H-Hindi ko n-naman alam, si L-Lance 'yong sabing nagbenta sa akin. Pinakilala siya ni Lance at Polo sa akin, I thought he helped me out to avoid K-Kael!"
"Hindi lahat pinagkakatiwalaan!"
"Alam ko! Alam ko!" nagagalit kong sigaw habang humahagulgol. Hinawakan ko ang gilid ng aking leeg at kumalmot doon dahil sa panggigigil kong nadikitan ni Logan iyon kanina. "Hindi ko rin naman alam na ibebenta niya ako! I don't even know if Olga and Thea are part of it!"
I continued scratching my neck, it felt hot in a disgusting way and I could still feel the touch of Logan's nose and lips against it. Ang kati-kati, gusto kong magbuhos ng malamig na tubig para mabura iyon sa akin.
Chago pulled my hand to stop it, I reached it using my other hand but he quickly held my hands together in his one hand so I wouldn't have anything to scratch my neck again. I cried.
"T-They sold me... they sold me for d-drugs!" I said with full of disgust.
His eyes turned darker, pumikit siya ng mariin at tinanggal ang salamin—nilapag niya iyon sa kanyang hita at marahang minasahe ang tulay ng kanyang ilong saka nagbuntong-hininga.
"That's what you got."
I gasped in disbelief, I cried more because of that.
"You're seriously saying that? Kung hindi ka dumating doon, b-baka—baka nakuha na ako noon at papatayin pagtapos g-gamitin! They're cleary drug users or dealers, I don't know!" naghihisterikal kong sinabi. "But I was sure that they'd kill me after doing what they wanted!"
Huli na para pagsisihan ko ang lahat dahil sarili ko ang naglagay sa akin sa ganoong sitwasyon, wala akong dapat sisihin kundi ako lang.
Nakatiim bagang siya habang nakikinig, nakapikit pa rin ang mga mata at tila nagpapakalma.
"Hindi ka pa matututo kung hindi 'yon nangyari." Huminga siya nang malalim. "Hindi ko alam kung dapat lang iyon o hindi dahil sobrang tigas ng ulo mo. Mas marami pang puwedeng mangyaring malala roon sa katigasan ng kokote mo."
My lips trembled as my heart twisted painfully, I was sobbing loudly.
Ang sakit naman niyang magsalita. Kung ganoon dapat ko palang ipagpasalamat na napunta ako sa ganoong sitwasyon para matuto? Paano kung walang nagligtas sa akin? Saan ako pupulutin?
Well, it makes some sense and it hit my head... I'm so ready to die. Wala naman na rin akong importansya, siguro tama nga lang iyon at sana hindi na lang siya dumating. It was the voices in my head.
Tila nanuyo ang lalamunan ko sa sumaging reyalisasyon sa aking isip.
He opened his eyes and looked at me darkly.
"Hindi ka nakikinig sa kapatid mo. I won't blame your friends like him that they're bad influence because people have different choices and decisions. That's your body and mind. You chose your own way that led you in shit and no one else can be blamed for that but yourself."
