#TTV32
Chago wasn't replying, kahit noong umaga sa pagpasok ko at pagtapos ng klase ay wala akong natanggap na reply kahit isa.
I thought it was alright because he understands my situation. Isa sa mga dahilan ko ang pangingialam ni Maricel sa relasyon namin, natatakot ako. Pangalawa iyong napag-usapan namin ni Papa noon, they're still up to arrange me for marriage with a chinese and I don't know what to do until now.
It was my problem since we had that talk. He wants me to stay single for now until I graduate college and it was late because I already have Chago that time.
I just wanted to keep it between us and I guess it wouldn't harm our relationship, right?
Pumunta ako sa Alpha para magpahupa ng sama ng loob, plano kong puntahan si Chago ulit sa work place niya pero siguro ay galit pa siya sa akin kaya kinakabahan ako.
"Where are you right now?" Winchell asked.
I sighed. "Alpha..."
I told him what happened last time and Chago wasn't replying. Simula nang maging boyfriend ko si Chago, si Winchell iyong madalas napagsasabihan ko tungkol sa amin at hindi siya biased pagdating sa opinion tungkol sa mga desisyon kaya minsan ay nadidismaya ako.
"If I were Ago, I'd be hurt for sure." He sighed. "Zoia, he's a man—your boyfriend. Bakit mo ide-deny? Maiintindihan pa siguro kita kung tambay lang si Ago kaso hindi. He's an engineer, he has something to say to your family that you should be proud of."
Napasapo ako sa aking noo habang nakatukod sa lamesa, I wanted to cry in frustration about Chago. Hindi niya ba ako naiintindihan pa rin? I already explained why did I do that! Hindi dahil sa kinakahiya ko siya kundi dahil ayaw kong may umepal sa amin!
"Hindi mo kasi naiintindihan 'yung side ko bilang ako sa pamilya namin, Win. He's an engineer, how about me? Papa told me not to get a boyfriend until I graduate—"
"E, 'di dapat sinabi mo kay Ago. You can't always play blind inside a relationship, Zoia. Tao 'yon, hindi puppet na kung kailan mo gustong i-deny—wala lang sa kanya."
I gasped and the pain stabbed me right on the chest, it frustrates me more. Hindi ako nakapagsalita at panay ang pagbuntong-hininga habang nakayuko.
Mali pa ba ako sa kagustuhan kong itago iyon para rin sa amin? Sa kanya? Can't we keep it a secret?
"I'm sorry, I understand that you're scared but you should learn how to face what's in front of you. You can't just stay like that. Kung takot ka, bakit ka pumasok sa relasyon? And don't reason that it was late because you were already together, why didn't you break up afterwards then?" he said directly with a hint of irritation.
Damn it. Bakit ngayon bumabalik lahat ng desisyon kong nagpasaya sa akin sa loob ng isang taon at para bang kailangan kong pagsisihan iyon?
My heart hurt. I don't have a fucking courage, all I wanted was to be veiled—to be covered from any harmful things around because ever since, peace of mind is the most important for me. I want my happiness without any intruder to block it.
"S-Shall I break up with him?" I asked silently, I was out of idea... I don't wanna disappoint Papa but I don't wanna hurt Chago, too. But mostly, I don't wanna wake up the voices in my head again.
Halos maubo siya sa sinabi ko. "What the hell? I thought it knocked some nerves to break a leg and fight for your relationship! I didn't expect that decision!"
"N-Natatakot ako, kinakabahan ako na baka siya ang pag-iinitan."
"Kaya niya ang sarili niya, Zoia. Bakit ba ang duwag mo?" singhal niya. "Palagi nang sinasabi ni Ago na duwag ka pero ngayon napatunayan ko lalo, that's not fucking right. You're together for a year, you're gonna waste it that easy?"
