#TTV35
I let him go.
I closed my heavy eyes from crying last night and sighed massively.
Chago explained everything he's going to do and why does he need to go back to his father. He needed and also wanted to because they used his sick grandmother who he had a talk that day, she's dying and waiting for Chago.
Doon ko natanto na ang dami ko pang hindi alam sa kanya, ni hindi ko alam na ang Lola niya ay nasa ama niya pala.
I hate him for leaving but I had to let him go even when I'm scared. It's been almost a week since he left and we only talk on call every night, he always makes sure to talk to me and give me peace that he's okay there but still not enough. He seems so private there.
"Uuwi ka na ba bukas?" tahimik at bagsak kong tanong.
He went silent for a moment and I know the answer, it's a no. I sighed.
"Sabi mo one week ka lang diyan, Ago..."
He's in Russia, I've been frustrated for days since he left because I don't see him.
"I'm sorry."
"It's our anniversary tomorrow and you're not here." My shoulders fell and I could feel my heart shaking painfully.
He won't be here! Inasahan ko na talaga ito pero ang sakit pa rin kapag nasa mismong sitwasyon na.
He was silent, my heart was hurting that I couldn't control my words out.
"I hate you, you're frustrating me for days! You don't even wanna talk to me on video call! What's that? Bawal din ba 'yon? Alam ko namang illegal ang gawain ng ama mo at akala ko ayaw mo sa kanya pero nandiyan ka ngayon."
"For my grandmother, Zoia."
"A-Alam ko naman pero—" I gasped and stopped slowly. I need to calm my anger and sadness down. I closed my eyes tight. "O-Okay... I understand. Sige, usap na lang tayo mamaya. May g-gagawin lang ako."
I want to cry and I don't wanna let him hear that.
He sighed heavily. "Love..."
My chest heaved, I bit my trembling lips to pull my emotions back. "I just need some air, I don't want a fight, Ago."
"Me, too..." he said softly. "That's why I'm sorry."
Huminga ako ng napakalalim, nagpapakalma pa rin sa bigat ng pakiramdam. I'm just so tired to ask him when he's going back to me, halos araw-araw yata pero iyong isang linggo niya ay lalampas pa yata.
"H-Hindi na ako magtatanong kung kailan ka babalik ulit, bahala ka na lang kung kailan. Hindi naman kita mapipilit dahil mas importante ang—"
He gasped loudly that cut me off. "Why are you bringing that up, Zoia? We are not talking about who's more important here because you're both important to me. She's sick and she wants me here b-before she—" he inhaled sharply. "Can you give us more time and understand the situation, please?"
Hindi ko alam pero nakakairita, I understand him and I am letting him stay there but it feels shallow. His reasons and explanation never made me feel I am with him even we're apart. He sounds always scripted and careful!
"And forget what you said and promised? Ikaw naman ang nagsabi na bigyan kita ng isang linggo, Chicago! Hindi dalawa o lagpas! I don't even know what's happening to you, you're always leaving me in the dark! Oo na nga, naiintindihan ko na nandiyan ka para sa lola mo pero bakit parang ang daming bawal? Nakakainis, ang layo na nga natin tapos ganito pa!"
