𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 - 𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍

ECSTASY

i sat beside jahseh as he wrote down lyrics on the paper, while i hummed a tune, just enjoying his presence and company.

he paused, snapping his head up at me, which made me freeze, furrowing my eyebrows. "what?"

"what're you humming?" he asked, and i shrugged my shoulders.

"yo no se, i just came up with something in my head." (i don't know) i said, still looking at him in confusion.

"sing it." he demanded, and i would've argued, but i thought better, and began to sing.

"how did you get here? i'm drunk and confused. i've tried to be patient with you.. yeah. high up.. but you fall back down." i sang, slightly insecure about him hearing my singing voice.

"you can really sing," i heard kaya compliment from where he sat with stokeley, and i smiled, blushing slightly.

"thank you." i said, smiling, and jahseh shook his head.

"shut up." he said, looking to be in deep thought. i rolled my eyes, crossing my arms.

after a moment he perked up. "i got it. sorry, i didn't mean to tell you to shut up." he apologized, and i uncrossed my arms, running fingers through my hair.

"que?" (what) i asked, looking at the paper and then him.

"that tune, that you're singing, i can rap to that. i can put that in my song." he said, looking at the paper with excitement.

seeing his eyes, so lit up and exited, and his smile as he wrote down things i didn't bother to read, was enough to make me smile, too. i felt his energy, which was positive and cheerful, and it made me blush.

"sing it in a loop, and i'll sing. watch." he said, and i nodded, beginning to sing again.

"trapped in a concept, falsely accused, misused, and misled, bitch i'm hoping you fucking rest in peace.. now the fact that i'm alone is fucking comforting and i can't seem to shake this fucking feeling in my-.. cold shoulder, heartbroken, misspoken, i'm cut open, her fingers in all my stab wounds. and if she could she'd probably dance on my grave, inside my head i see your face, i fucking hate that i love you still." he sang, which caught stokeley and kaya's full attention.

i smiled, clapping my hands in excitement. "i love it!" i said, wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug.

"that's fire," stokeley said, nodding his head. "once y'all get out of here, y'all gotta get in a fucking booth."

i smiled, pulling away from the embrace and shaking my head slightly, but jahseh looked at me and nodded. "yes nigga, you have to!" he said.

"maybe." i said, and he shook his head.

"i'm taking that as a yes."

before i could even respond, he gave me a tight hug, damn near crushing my bones and suffocating me. "thank you, ary! i love you!" he said, kissing me on the cheek, which made my face heat up and my heart flutter.

i hid my face with my hair, smiling as i spoke. "i love you too." i said quietly, knowing my face was damn near red as a tomato.

"y'all should just go out," stokeley teased, crossing his arms. "like beauty and the beast, except y'all are both beasts inside."

i laughed, shaking my head. "yeah right," i huffed, "look at us. we're criminals. psychopaths. we couldn't be together if we wanted to. "

"mhm.." stokeley said, shrugging and heading back to where he sat before. "we'll see."

jahseh was back focusing on what was in front of him, with his head down, but the shift in his energy was very noticeable, and it seemed like what i said bothered him, but how and why?

jahseh

"yeah right," she huffed, rolling her eyes. "look at us. we're criminals. psychopaths. we couldn't be together if we wanted to. "

well damn, that kinda hurt.

i bit my inner cheek, turning my attention back to my writing to try to avoid the burning feeling inside of my chest, but it didn't work.

i mean, i don't know what it is about her, but she's captivating, everything about her makes me go weak and it's impossible for me to take my eyes off of her.

kissing her was like blessing my damn body, and the feeling she brings leaves me in ecstasy every time. it's like she's a drug- my drug, and i get high off of her.

she wasn't as submissive as i was used to girls being, and yet that was only more of a reason for me to be drawn to her. she wasn't scared of me, and she asserted herself, held an amount of self regard and defense in her that made it impossible to not look up to her.

well, not literally of course, she's like 5'1.

hearing those words escape her mouth hurt me more than i can explain. i wanted to tell myself over and over again she was just saying that, and didn't mean it, but it was hard, and the voices in my head refused to let me be in peace.

i snapped out of my thoughts, seeing aracely move the paper away from me and crawl in front of me, so she was directly in my face.

god, she's so beautiful.

"que tu piensas?" (what're you thinking) she asked, innocently, and i couldn't help but smile.

"nothing," i lied, straight to her face, shaking my head, and she narrowed her eyes, looking deep into mine that i looked away, smirking.

"you're a liar." she pouted, crossing her arms, and i laughed, shrugging my shoulders.

"tell me what you think about this one." i said, redirecting her attention to the words on the paper.

i watched her focus on the paper, her eyebrows furrowing as she read the words to 'orlando', and she pressed her lips together, and then pulled the paper closer to her, picking up the pen, and began to write down some words, which i couldn't see because her handwriting was naturally so small.

she turned it back to me, and i looked down at the paper, reading it slowly. she'd crossed out some of the lyrics and adjusted them, writing down beside them.

"hurt me. break my heart. worthless. can't keep love at all. turning, twist my soul. worthless. can't keep love at all."

i looked up at her, and she smiled at me gently, and then got up and went over to her bed, where she laid down and shut her eyes.

she's just like me.

~