𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 - 𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍

MY TREE LOST ALL ITS LEAVES

i sat on the hot swing, gently rocking back and forth on it as i watched isaiah sit on the bench a few feet ahead of me, lighting a blunt and bringing it to his lips.

"you wild, baby." he said, shaking his head and laughing slightly before taking a drag from his blunt.

i shrugged my shoulders, hopping off of the swing set and making my way beside him, tucking my dark brown hair behind my ear.

"you love it though." i countered, and he blew out the smoke before smirking at me.

"damn right i do."

he placed a small peck on my lips, and i smiled before looking up at the cloudy, grey sky ahead of us, and then down at our bodies beside each other.

there was a comfortable silence between us, and there was silence in my head, as there had been for the past year, since the last time i'd taken my medication and been clean off of it.

whatever it was in that medicine, not taking it was what kept me sane. it was only when i took it that i could hear the voices in my head, constantly, arguing and bickering, never letting me be in peace.

and whenever i wasn't taking it, i was fine. there was peace and silence in my head, and i was alone in my thoughts, just as i wanted it to be. i didn't like feeling as if my own mind was being intruded, and as if i couldn't be alone in my own body.

i looked over at isaiah, his red, droopy, high eyes looking back at me at the feeling of my gaze on him, and i let out a little giggle before looking away from him and leaning my head against his shoulder.

the feeling of our bodies touching, even just in this simple position, made my heart jump, and helped my body relax, though i hadn't even known or noticed it was tense.

i was at peace, and calm and happy with him. whenever i was acting out, angered or fighting, or in any type of bullshit, the only person that could calm me or get me out of it was him.

he was my drug.

my calm, my high. he was my ecstasy, bringing me to a state of euphoria.

i was addicted.

more attached than words could explain, though i told him everyday i couldn't live without him, and that he was everything i needed and more. i couldn't think straight being apart from him for too long, and i couldn't function if i didn't know he was around.

i'd commit suicide if he ever tried to let go.

and i, myself, was too afraid to ever let go. besides the fact that i was only 14, and him, 17. besides the fact that he was involved with dangerous people and dangerous things, none of it fazed me.

nothing could make me want to be away from him.

he passed the blunt to me, and i looked at it for a moment before accepting it and bringing it to my lips, taking a long drag from it and holding it in before i blew it out and passed it back to him, staring into nothingness.

"hiiii sexy!" i heard from behind us, making me lift my head and turn around, though my actions were delayed and slow from the high.

behind us stood a group of girls, 3 to be exact, who i didn't know or recognize, but seemed to be older than me, and probably even older than isaiah.

he smirked at them, which made me furrow my eyebrows, and the one who'd spoken, a thin, light skinned girl with short curly hair, wrapped an arm around his neck in a hug.

the group then all came around the bench, facing in front of him and smiling at him, before glancing over at me and finally acknowledging me.

"who's this?" the girl asked, pointing her thumb at me, while i continued to watch in confusion.

i was too groggy, delayed and calmed from the weed for me to make any crazy actions or even to get angry, so i leaned back on the bench, looking over at isaiah and waiting for his response.

"nobody, she's just a friend." he responded, which made me scrunch up my face in confusion.

"don't look like it," the girl muttered, crossing her arms. "she look real upset that you called her that."

he glanced over at me, and then shrugged his shoulders, standing up and looking back at the girl. "nah, whatever she was, she's just a friend now." he stated flatly, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and starting to walk away with her.

i sat there, in confusion and disarray, trying to figure out what had just happened, or if i'd been hallucinating from this weed, but i was alone, with the darkening grey sky above me and the cool wind blowing against my skin.

five minutes ago, he was my boyfriend, telling me he loved me and kissing me, and now i was just a friend? and getting ditched?

i bit my lip, before getting up, my head slightly spinning, and walking slowly in the direction of my house, while i felt small raindrops begin to fall on me, making me groan quietly.

he can do and say whatever he wants, because i'm tired of this never ending cycle.

i'm his girlfriend in private, but around anyone else, and anyone who asks, we're just friends, or he 'barely knows me'.

around any female, it's as if he doesn't know me or care for me, and he'd ditch me in a second for any other girl, only to come back a few days later and talk me into his trap, which i fall into every time.

but this time, there was no coming back. there was no trap for me to fall right through and be dumb for.

he never came back, or spoke to me again. he left me in the cold, confused, and i hardly ever saw him again.

and after that, my tree lost all its leaves.

~