𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 - 𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍

A MOMENT OF RECOLLECTION

aracely

i sat on the floor of my cell, which i've been alone in for the past 4 weeks, and i sang quietly to myself, coloring in the coloring book i stole from one of the classrooms.

i heard a lot of noise outside of my cell, but i didn't pay much attention to it, continuing to color in the flower on the page in front of me.

i only left the room to eat and clean up, and i spent most of my days sleeping, singing, drawing or coloring.

there's no in between.

i'm bored out of my mind, not to mention fucking lonely. my phone call privileges got taken away after i slammed a girls face into her dinner, so i haven't been able to talk to jahseh, which made things a lot worse for me.

the first couple days without him were like when i used to be in isolation. i'd start banging my head on the wall or crying, having breakdowns and digging my nails into my arms.

psychotic, i know.

after the first week, i just became depressed from the separation. i just laid in bed, unmoving all day. some days i couldn't even be bothered to get up for showers or eat, which left me pale and thin as ever.

after two weeks without jahseh, and by myself, i slowly regained my health and well-being. i ate and cleansed regularly, but i was still depressed from the separation. i'd just wish and wish over and over again that by some miracle i'd get out tomorrow, or that i'd wake up and it'd be a dream, or that he'd come back.

but he wouldn't.

i'm stuck, alone, for the next 8 weeks, and likely even after those, i'll never see or hear from jahseh again. i don't expect to, anyway, i'm sure he'll have forgotten me longtime by then, focused on music and whatever lifestyle he lives.

i let out a sigh, rolling over on the cold, hard, floor and continuing to color, even though my mind wasn't even on the coloring, it was in a million places, but the main thing on my mind was jahseh.

of fucking course.

i heard a banging on my cell door, and i turned my head, raising an eyebrow, seeing the only guard i got along with stood there, pulling the door open slowly. i sat myself up, putting my crayons in my hands down.

"hey ms. tanya," i said, and she smiled, sitting on the empty bed that used to belong to jahseh.

"hi sweetie," she said, before glancing at the coloring book on the ground and shaking her head. "what'd i tell you about stealing stuff from the classrooms?"

i laughed, looking down at it and back at her. "lo siento." (sorry)

she sighed, before she smiled at me. "get your stuff together." she said, and i furrowed my eyebrows.

"huh?" i asked, sitting up straight and looking at her in confusion.

"someone paid your bond, pack your things." she said, handing me a small empty bag that was in her hand.

"i thought you can't pay bond on a sentence?" i asked, getting up and taking the bag, beginning to collect my things from the cell, and she shrugged her shoulders, walking out, as i scrunched up my face.

"i'll be waiting by the doors for you." she said, leaving me behind, and i sighed, shaking my head.

i'm not gonna complain at all, because i'm more then grateful to get out of here, and i hurriedly put the few things i had into the bag she gave me and began to walk to the doors where she was waiting for me, hoping this wasn't some type of joke or prank.

once i got to her, she got up and walked me towards the front of the facility, where people get entered in when they arrive here, and i was still confused, but i realized as soon as i entered the front center that this wasn't a prank, so who the hell payed me out?

"here you go babygirl." tanya said, handing me a box full of my belongings when i'd first gotten here. i took it, going into one of the rooms to change into my clothes and put my shoes on.

i put on my black cargo pants, and i realized they'd replaced my shirt with a different one, since the original was covered in blood, and i slipped on my sneakers and took a moment of recollection before i moved.

damn, it feels great to be in my own clothes again.

i walked out, flipping around my cold, dead phone in my hands, while i looked around to see who had bailed me out and was here to pick me up. i furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, since i didn't see anyone in here that i recognized the slightest bit, until i looked up at the sound of the door opening.

and then i saw it.

him.

~