𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 - 𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍

THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR

i sat on the bed, scrolling through my phone in silence as jahseh played music lowly while he wrote down lyrics at his desk, paying me no mind whatsoever.

and since our little 'moment', he's hardly spoken to me at all. he avoids communicating with me as best as he can, and always seems to find some excuse to leave the room or house if we're ever near each other.

i don't know what i did wrong, or if i'm just not good enough, but i'd be lying if i said my feelings weren't hurt.

if i'd had actual sex with him, i can't imagine how much more hurt i'd be. the voices in my head haven't let me breathe, either. they've spent every second of every day reminding me that i was used, and that he'd gotten enough of me.

and he'd told me himself that because i couldn't satisfy him enough, he was entirely done with me.

i sat in silence, as always, and distracted myself with my phone while he continued to do his own thing, even though the tension radiating was nearly unbearable.

fuck, i can't stand this.

"jahseh." i said lowly, though loud enough to be heard over the music.

he didn't react or respond, and i sighed, getting up and walking out of the room, wordless. i don't see a point in trying to get him to 'want' me or give me any attention i want, and i'd never do it anyway.

i sat in the living room, on the couch, listening to the voices in my head go on a rage, shouting at me and making my head begin to throb.

"how many times did we have to tell you that you're not enough for you to listen? you had this coming for you."

i sighed, listening to the voices all argue with each other and give different reasons as to why i'd gotten thrown to the side and deemed 'not enough'.

kaya wandered into the living room, sitting hastily on the other couch and avoiding any eye contact or communication with me. i stared her down, trying to figure out why she was in here and waiting for her to say something so i could swing.

i'm at my limit.

"why're you here? like here. no tienes una familia o algo?" (don't you have a family or something?) i snapped, glaring at her.

"don't you have a family?" she snapped back, making me scrunch my face up, but remain staring at her.

"i hate you, just as much as everyone else here does, including jahseh. he belongs to me, and only me." she went on lowly, and i instantly sprung up and jumped at her.

i was seeing red, and i couldn't control myself. i was recklessly swinging, grabbing and doing everything in my power to make her feel pain.

eventually, strong arms wrapped around my waist and yanked me away from her, dragging me outside and pinning me against the car. when i looked up to face who i thought would've been jahseh, i saw stokeley instead, making me furrow my eyebrows.

"you need to fix yourself. jahseh isn't going to save you, and if you keep it up i'll convince him to get rid of you. i don't know why he let you come here in the first place." he snapped, making me stare at him in disbelief.

"did you hear me?" he asked, the sound of his voice now much softer and gentler, which made me snap back into reality. i shook my head slightly, looking at him in confusion.

"i said, i know you don't fuck with her but y'all can't be fighting so much, whatever's going on between y'all, you gotta squash it before one of, or both of y'all end up in jail again." he said calmly, and i furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, because that's not at all what he just said.

i nodded my head, and he released his grip on me that had me pinned to the car, causing me to let out a slight breath of air.

he walked back inside, likely to tend to kaya, who was crying loudly inside, and i was left alone, trying to figure out what was going on. i know i heard him, clear as day, say he wanted to get rid of me. how'd he switch up his words so quickly?

"see, you fucking psychopath. you can't even hear what people are saying properly, and you expect jahseh to be in love with you? he could never love a freak like you."

i groaned at the words my head shouted at me, and i stood myself up straight, shaking my head as if i'd help me clear the thoughts and voices in my head, though it wouldn't and didn't.

i walked back into the house to hear kaya's cries even louder and clearer, while stokeley sat beside her and held a pack of frozen peas on her face.

"i didn't do anything, i just sat down and she was asking me what i'm doing here.. and i did what you guys told me to, i didn't say anything to her, and she just started attacking me!" she cried out loudly, making me furrow my eyebrows.

i wanted to say something, but i thought better of it, and i went into the bathroom and shut the door, turning to look at myself in the mirror.

but when i saw myself, i almost jumped back, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. the girl in the mirror wasn't me, though. she was different, way different.

she had dark, almost black hair, and an entirely different face. she was skinny, and she looked pained and disturbed.

i moved around in the mirror, trying to figure out what was going on, but the girl in the mirror moved along with me too, which only confused me more. she matched my every move, and i looked down at myself, to see my regular body and clothes.

but when i looked back in the mirror, i was dressed differently, in a different body.. a different person.

and i stared at whoever was in my reflection, i was horrified. i'm looking at a stranger, the reflection of me isn't me at all.

who even am i?