A CURSE TO SPEAK

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he rolled his eyes at my words, staring down at me silently, and i just watched him, my gaze unchanging, and my body still, until finally he spoke up.

"fuck first impressions, stop tryna fucking leave us." he responded coldly, snatching my arms out of their crossed position, and i narrowed my eyes at him, keeping my arms crossed.

he held himself in a different manner than jahseh did, he was full of more anger. more dominant, and more aggressive by a long shot.

his eyes were cold, darker and still, with no type of emotion or even energy that radiated from his body, other than anger and a cold, distant feel that rose from him in unbearable amounts that, i couldn't lie, made me uncomfortable.

i tilted my head, before i spoke. "you don't want me to leave but you treat me like this?" i asked, to which he broke his stare with me.

"what made you come out?"

he glared at me, as if my words were a curse to speak or enough to send him back to being only in jahseh's mind and not in control, though i simply took his glare with no response and continued to stare at him, waiting for an answer.

"mind your business bitch." he said, which made me take a deep inhale in order to keep my composure.

i grabbed his hand, and he attempted to yank it away, though i didn't let him, and continued to hold onto it, intertwining my fingers with his and looking up at him, while he looked past me and avoided looking at me.

"look at me, x." i demanded, and he couldn't hold against my words, looking down at me and looking me into my eyes.

his eyes eventually softened, returning to the regular, softer brown that i recognized, and as soon as he seemed to be back to jahseh, he pulled me into a hug and held onto me like his life depended on it, while i let out a sigh.

"i thought you left x in jail." i said lowly, looking up at him as we pulled apart, and he shook his head, ruffling his dreads in his hands.

"there's no 'leaving x', he just stopped showing up as much." he responded, sighing, and i nodded my head, though i was still upset with him.

even before x came out fully, jahseh was the one who'd made those statements regarding not wanting his ex to know he'd moved on, and i wasn't going to let it fly by just because x came out.

i pulled back from him, before heading over to my bag, which was flung onto the floor, with clothes all around it, and picked it up, then picking up all of the clothes around it into a big bundle in my arms.

"you're really gonna leave?" he asked, his voice sounding downhearted and regretful, as he watched me drop my clothes onto the bed and bring the bag of clothes with me afterwards.

i glanced over at him, and then looked away, not speaking until after i dumped out all of the clothes from inside of the bag and dropped it on the floor. "no."

he seemed relieved at my response, approaching me and wrapping his arms around my waist, only for me to yank myself away from him, glaring at him. "but don't fucking touch me. until you decide if you wanna deal with the consequences of knocking me up, and decide you're ready for your ex to know you moved on, don't even speak to me."

he was silent, and i began to fold up my clothes and place them back into the drawers while he watched me, his eyes burning holes into my head, though i paid him no mind, not even acknowledging his presence until i was entirely done with what i was doing and glanced up at him.

at the sight of my eyes on him, he immediately looked away from me and got up, walking out of the room, which made me sigh, before sitting down on the bed and feeling xiorra move around in my stomach, and placing my hand on my stomach.

i felt her wiggle around, and internally it made my heart pang, knowing that jahseh and i were struggling and she had to feel the stress of it all from me, and the idea of jahseh and i not being okay by the time she arrived also.

i sighed, keeping my hand on my stomach and beginning to whisper to her quietly. "i'm sorry baby, i don't know whats wrong. i'm trying my best, but.." i trailed, before shaking my head.

"don't worry. everything's gonna be okay by the time you're here."

i knew, and i was sure that if she could understand and process my words she'd know too, that i was more so speaking those words to try to convince myself and in hopes that they'd be spoken into existence, rather than words of assurance.

i could only hope that my words were true, but with everything he'd said in the past hour, and with x seeming to return and haunt both jahseh and i, who knows what's to come for either of us, let alone us together.

i let out a sigh, shutting my eyes and taking deep breaths, as if a means to calm myself, and then opened my eyes, looking down at my stomach and then up, only to see the tall, thin figure hovering above me, which made me let out a frustrated groan.

it was unlike him to stand in front of me, in plain sight, rather than in his usual shadowy figure, yet his all black, faceless body was just as horrifying as his shadowy figure, and he silently stood in front of me and began to caress my face, while i avoided even looking in his direction.

he started to chuckle, making me furrow my eyebrows but keep my eyes away from him, until he spoke hoarsely, just the sound of his voice sending a chill up my spine, though i held back from displaying it.

"alone. you are alone."












~

this is what i woke up to 😭ily guys omg

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this is what i woke up to 😭ily guys omg

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