𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 - 𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍

ON THE VERGE OF DEATH

i quietly groaned as i flushed my throw up down the toilet and ran the shower water, letting it warm up as i leaned against the wall, feeling nausea wave over me.

i sighed, hoping i hadn't been heard at all, because i didn't want to deal with jahseh stressing over me and worrying about me, being that at this point, i shouldn't even be vomiting anymore, but i was.

i knew i was okay, but jahseh would never let that pass, and i would rather not stress him or our relationship.

i got into the shower, sighing as i felt the hot water against my skin and and relaxing my muscles and body, only to be interrupted by a voice.

"how much longer do you think you'll last?"

i rolled my eyes, letting out  a huff before i mumbled to myself. "shut up, leave me alone."

i heard another chuckle, and mentally damned myself for not taking my medicine yet, because this was now the first time in weeks i was facing the voices once more.

"wow, a baby." i heard from behind me, making me turn around to see kaya, in the shower with me, which made me jump back.

"what the fuck?" i muttered, narrowing my eyes at her, and she smiled before placing a hand onto my small but noticeable baby bump.

"how have you been?" she asked, seeming unaffected to the fact that i was nude, in the shower, and she was fully clothed, with the water wetting her clothing.

"leave me alone," i groaned, rolling my eyes and stepping away from her. "i thought i got rid of you."

she let out a chuckle, shaking her head and crossing her arms before she spoke. "you can never get rid of me, i thought you would've known that by now."

i furrowed my eyebrows, glaring at her in annoyance and confusion. "what's that supposed to mean?"

she shook her head once more and lifted up a hand, as if to silence me, which i just stared at and then stared back at her, confusion written all over my face, before watching her glare down at my belly.

she stared for a moment, before looking up at me with fully black eyes and angrily furrowed eyebrows, before speaking lowly, in a voice that sent chills up my spine.

"the end is near."

i shut my eyes, letting out a sigh and praying that upon opening my eyes, she'd be gone and i'd be alone and at peace, for once, and i let out a breath of relief when i opened my eyes and found just that.

i quickly finished my shower up, shutting off the water and wrapping myself in my towel, tucking it in so i didn't have to hold it, and stepped out of the shower, my feet landing on the soft, fibered rug beside the shower.

i let my feet dry before stepping onto the cold hardwood bathroom floor, and standing in front of the counter of the bathroom, sighing as i prepared myself to open the window and take my medications before i saw anything else that would drive me insane.

i looked up at the steamy mirror, before wiping a hand across it and revealing myself, and i almost jumped back at my reflection, before my jaw dropped.

i looked at my reflection, the pale skinned, black haired, sad girl, with the purple eye bags and cut up, scarred wrists, staring back at me patiently.

she looked sick, and tired as ever, looking as if she had nothing left to fight for in this life and she was on the verge of death, though i was unsure if she seemed to be dying from sickness, or from her own depression.

yet, that itself is its own sickness.

but i looked at her, and she too was wrapped in a towel, one that was black, just like mine, and had her hair slightly wet and gently matted against her body.

i took a moment of hesitation before i put my full, undivided attention on her, gazing over her body, at her features, and looking down at her cut up and scarred wrists, some cuts old and others fairly fresh.

i looked at her hair, which fell just past her chest, and was very thick and full of life, yet the black of it made her skin appear even more pale and lifeless.

i looked up at her eyes, which were small and sad, and could see the full extent of her exhaustion in them, from the pure pain and tiredness visible in her eyes, to the dark purple eye bags beneath them.

i took a deep breath before i looked down at myself, watching some of my black hair fall down with my heads downward motion, and observing my scarred and cut wrists, before i shut my eyes and took a deep inhale.

i'd like to think this is all a dream, or just another hallucination.

i'd prefer to believe i'm crazy than to accept this.

i glanced back up at the mirror, looking at the tired and sick face that was reflected, and i let out a defeated sigh, accepting everything for what it was now.

i glanced over at the garbage beside the toilet and the opened, empty and used hair box dye inside of it, before looking back at the mirror and tucking some hair behind my ear, which my reflection synchronously mimicked.

there was a deep, pausing moment of stillness and silence, to a degree at which i could hear my heart beating and my own breathing, as my thoughts roamed in a million different routes, yet all settled in one destination at the same time.

i am the girl in the mirror.

~