Star Wars: A dyad in the Force 「A Reylo FanFiction」

Act 38: Overwhelming Sickness

Falcon, 36 ABY

Han had always traveled as if determined to avoid making much of a footprint. Oddly Ben piloted Falcon the same way. His father's ship was always a chaotic mess: worn spacer gear, stacked flight manuals, and bits of the equipment shed by the Falcon. Ben noted that it looked more organized now. And should have been since his father wasn't around any longer to be in charge.

Ben gazed up to where the pair of golden dice used to hang; it was his father's only personal touch, someone could find abroad the whole ship. But those were gone as well, like his father. Ben turned and gazed at the co-pilot's seat; Chewbacca was sitting there, like always.

Ben tried to ignore the memories that slowly built up and called out to him. He typed the coordinates to the colony of Yavin 4 and flew into hyperspace. He stared at the open space in front of him, his gaze steady. His face hid all the emotions that were hungrily growing inside him. His father would hate this. Someone else flying his ship. The man who was responsible for his dead touching his Falcon.

His father... His father hated bullies, injustice, and cruelty, and when confronted with them, he could never stand down. Ben could understand him now. His father was like this since his youth when he stood his ground, on Corellia, above Yabin, on Endor, and even on Starkiller base.

There, where Ben killed him.

Han Solo, even if he wasn't Force-sensitive, fought for his freedom and the freedom of the whole Galaxy. He never wanted to know the odds in that fight because he had already made up his mind that they would survive, and time after time, they did. He could be reckless and ignore protocol, and damn he had an awful sense of diplomacy.

Ben choked down a sob as he found more similarities with his father. Even Kylo Ren never liked diplomacy; he would ignore protocol. And reckless? Was Ben Solo reckless? He had to be; most of his choices were. Ben was utterly unconcerned about the consequences of his actions if those were actions he had to take. He would not take his time and think about the odds or the possibilities. He would storm into and act upon it.

His father might be even recklesser than Ben; he agreed to reach out to him, to draw him out of the darkness. And strangely, he did. But he ended up paying with his own life. Again he thought, the life he took so easily, and for what, to offer everything he had to the dark side. 'Fool!'

Han Solo's son was a fool; after all, he gave everything he had to the dark side, and what did he gain... pain, torture, conflict, and emotional scars... 'Such a Fool!'

Only then did Ben notice Chewie's eyes on him, realizing he was blinking hard, and his lower lips were trembling. He tried to breathe in and out until he managed to look calm again. Kylo Ren had taught him that, how to calm down whenever he was around Snoke. He always tried to hide part of his thoughts, part of his heart, because the conflict was always there.

Ben pressed a few buttons and set Falcon into autopiloting; he stood up, grabbing the pilot's seat to keep his balance. Ben's mind was always orbiting around grief and loss, pointing out his misdeeds, and above all, his father's death. And he honestly believed it, his mind would never be silenced, and his heart would never heal, until the day of his death.

Though Ben was determined, he would live with his pain and accept to pay any price throughout his remaining life, but he would not allow the galaxy to lose its freedom, nor darkness to rise again. He knew, and he knew it well; he was not allowed to act like a hero or a savior, he upon all people, had not any right.

They were facing long odds, new darkness that was rising, old darkness that had left something behind, and the New Republic which was still leaderless. He couldn't explain what those odds were, and he didn't want to know them. Because nothing would change his mind, even if he had not the right to fight against that darkness, he would.