One Tail at a Time

What's Next?

I don't know why they call it heartbreak, because it feels as if every bone in my body is broken and every cell shattered.  In that Demon Wars book, Shifu once said suffereing is the price one must pay for life and the greater one stands, the harder it is to avoid but it is also the first real step one takes to reaching their grand destiny because without it, one will never know happiness.  

I guess in the real world this might be true, or at least in his real world, but in mine, I cannot see an end to this pain in my heart that is very close to dying.  And if it wasn't for his final words I would stop my heart from beating right now.  He told me to wait for him, that he will come back for my nineth tail and so now as I look down at the face that will never smile softly at me again, I hold him to that promise.

He is clean and dressed in a plain white shirt that covers his body from his shoulders to his feet.  His hair is unbound and every wound he sustained has been magically removed by Zhe Yan so that we Disciples can sit with him without a care for his safety.  Zhe Yan said that his soul has left our world but he did say, that Shifu would never make a promise he couldn't keep and if he said that he would come back for my final tail, then he absolutely would, and he also said, that if anyone could make it back from the chaos, it would be Shifu.

After all, he was conceived by the chaos itself.  His parents were created there and are and always will be the most powerful deities ever to exist, and that makes him one of them, so I believe what Zhe Yan says, in fact, I hold his words close to my heart because like Shifu, he too would never say such a thing if it wasn't true or he didn't believe it and though I am heartbroken now, there is still a little light at the end of all this darkness which I am clinging to for dear life as I hold Shifus cold hand in mine and allow every memory of him to wash over me.

Now and then, one of my brothers will come in and sit down beside me, hold my hand or just place their heads on my shoulder.  Its kind of strange how death has one doing things they would not normally do.  Because this time it is Chang Shan who has come to sit with his head on my shoulder.  He would never have thought twice about being so intimate with me, but I guess my tears are affecting him to the point where his normal reserved and quiet self is reaching out to not only offer what comfort he can, but to also gain a little for himself, so I take his hand and lightly squeeze.  It is all I am capable of doing for him, but it seems to be enough because he is finally allowing his tears to fall, being one of the last of my brothers to do so.

"The first day is always the hardest.  Tommorow will be even worse but the sun will come out eventually." I say using the wise words from some play I cant remember the name of but it was to do with heartache which feels utterly meaningless which only makes us both feel even more miserable,  because I cannot help but wonder if the author had ever known this feeling or if they were merely preying on the emotional turmoil of another to get another play written in the hope that his words would one day be quoted.

"There will be sun and in the night, the stars will take over to keep the dark at bay........" Chang Shan replies softly while swiping his tears away.

"What?" I ask a little mystified.

"That is the end of that quote, you didn't finish it properly." he says, his face caught between a lopsided grin and a 'I'm such a know all grimace' which I can't help but roll my eyes at.

But I give him a soft chuckle in response seeing as this isn't the time for nitpicking, instead I squeeze his hand tighter while leaning in against him.  I think I have cried every tear from my body, because my own eyes are dry even though there is still a thick disbelieving mist fogging my brain as if this is all just a dream and it will all be fine tommorow.  Only deep down, I know it isn't because Celestial soldiers arrived earlier with a royal casket and the golden dragon flag that Shifus body must be wrapped in when they take him away.